Hello everyone,
I find myself in that odd predicament again of writing a brief biography of sorts as an intro to a forum. I always find myself a bit unsure of exactly what to say
, so I suppose I'll just go over "who" I am and why I'm here.
Ever since I was in high school (23 now) I had this recurring issue with death and sleeping. I associated the feeling of dying with the feeling of falling asleep; would constantly try to recheck my awareness, think about random things, etc., while falling asleep. It kept me up but, more importantly, gave me motivation to start finding answers for the questions that I had formed. Growing up with divorced non-religious parents I never got a good view of religions and definitely hadn't experienced the superficial "essence of God" enriching my material life that I had come to expect from the extravagant tales of born-again Christians, televangelists, and orthodox Judaism in popular media n such.
Towards the end of high school and in the midst of this internal struggle of mortality and perceptive awareness I began to hear about lucid dreaming. After looking into the subject and reading some experiences on it I began branching out to astral or a/etheric projection due to the intimate similarities in experiences, necessary faculties, and the way of achieving it. Soon thereafter I began reading every report and story I could find having to do with astral projection. Something about these stories seemed to pull on a string deep within me; not in a harmful way but in such a way that I felt a sort of music starting to form at my core. I started to become aware of "the orchestra" but, more importantly, the maestro that was directing the band. In my travels and research I came across a man that referred to a, "monograph from the AMORC," as to how he had developed his abilities to astral project (or rather, the technique). I continued to follow the bread crumbs...
For those that may not know the AMORC is a mystical school of metaphysics and esoteric philosophies known as the Ancient and Mystical Order of the Rose Cross. This is a school of the clandestine Rosicrucian Order that has its roots mostly in Kemet (ancient Egypt) but with some Greek and Mesopotamian influences. From this spiritual order I began to learn more about the traditional schools of philosophy as well as the budding scientific findings and technology that seem to corroborate and expand on many metaphysical principles. Quantum physics, in particular, seemed to be this awe-inspiring field of empirical study that fulfilled my want to find more logical basis for my own beliefs and at the same time touched on and even enhanced ancient principles (especially of the Hermetic sort which the AMORC borrows heavily from). Parapsychology as well—in particular the work of Dr. Dean Radin—showed me how these esoteric and theoretical-physics principles could be actively used by the consciousness in order to make changes to the environment.
As time progressed I began to realize that the AMORC, with all its wholesome information, had most of its intimate content readily available in their main manifestos (Fama Fraternitatis, Chymical Wedding, and the allegories and tales of Christian Rosenkreuz the some-what mythical founder of the AMORC), which are completely free, readily available, and don't require me paying quarterly dues to obtain the same basic information the form of monographs.
From there I was propelled deeper into esoteric religions, starting to read between lines of these established notions of divinity and experience in the Holy Books of new and old. I started discovering more about the Qabala, occult practices and their heritage/roots, theosophical-backed philosophy like pantheism, panentheism, panpsychism, and this connection that all mystical, spiritual, and religious followings seemed to have at their cores.
Now, onto the DMT portion (pretty relevant on a DMT forum, no?). Back when I was active in the AMORC I had come across the work of Dr. Rick Strassman which lead me to purchasing the epic tome known as DMT: The Spirit Molecule. The experiences expressed in that book again seemed to speak to me in the language of feelings. I felt like this was something that was Truth, to me. I began to learn as much about DMT as I could but, in my inexperience, had some impression of the creation and consumption of DMT that is far from the truth (as I've seen from briefly browsing the forum).
That is about as far as my direct DMT experience has gotten me. I obtained all the needed materials but felt that the time wasn't right. I felt that my mind wasn't 100% prepared for what may come (or happen thereafter when contemplating the experience), especially after reading Strassman's book and relating the implications of the journey to what I had learned in the esoteric mystical world. Within the last year or so I had two notable experiences on entheogens that have given me the feeling that now is the time.
So, here I am. Throughout my entire journey I have strived to enrich my own mind but also teach and share with those that are also walking their path. I love the idea of forums like this; to be able to easily share information from one person to another. I hope that in my journeys on this site I will be able to increase my own knowledge and wisdom from the experiences while also having the ability to share and help others in the process. What's the sense of getting to a higher plane if all my brothers and sisters are stuck on the first level? Sometimes knowing that one person that's walked that path before can be monumental in avoiding the sinkholes and quick sands.
Thanks for taking the time to read this short novel and I look forward to getting to know everyone around the Nexus!
Peace profound,
~ Kroov