Does no one here think that maybe the best advise is, go and see a Psychiatrist, your not doing well, thinking your body parts are rearranging is very uncommon (for sure they are not). Also it doesn't do you well since your feeling is that its controlling you.






Did you have no control at all?



Its sounds to me that you need a Psychiatrist.

take care

I'm sure many here do (but know better than to say it, haha jk). As for the noises, not only did I retain full control, but I was more in control than before. That's exactly what made it possible for me to let the body do what it needed to do, even for a little bit, without repressing it like I had been doing my whole life, by default.

That's actually a key point to understanding what I'm talking about. The kind of control involved has to do with letting things happen and only interfering when needed, and in subtle ways. Unfortunately, there isn't a manual on that, which is why I post here.

I'm not laughing or anything in that matter I'm dead serious, and genuinely worried about your mental health.

Your seeing things that are not there ( hair follicles spiting in to or three) your feeling things in your body move that can't move.

All in all not the most common thing to encounter, to me it sounds like your in need of professional care.

Hopefully you will feel better soon and please know that I don't want to just say your a crazy person.

take care

When did all this start? You say you pushed yourself to your limits but you do not explain how. I understand it might be difficult but perhaps we can think about things more clearly with proper information.
Also, do you take entheogens regularly?

I think a low level dose of shrooms could help direct you on your way. Combine this practice with "intuitive" yoga to flex those muscles. Once you have a proper handle of breathing and body flexing you will know you are doing yoga because it opens up circulation in the body and is a big release of tension.

@expand: no offense taken, I was just answering your question. It's not like I'm butthurt or anything (maybe a little bit, but that's because of the hair splitting )

@infecteds: it's not that I pushed myself on purpose, with some specific goal in mind; tension has just been accumulating in the body/mind in various ways, for a long time. I know more about it, but this being a drug forum, it might be wise to not share just everything.

As for entheogens, I don't take anything or even have any available (a pity, I know)

That's too bad, twice. Here in Europe there are websites that send packages of magic truffles. Self-growing is probably better but they are still a good option for starters. I'm not sure if they send them in the US but it might be worth trying to find a website. Send me a PM if you want a link, a quick google indicated some websites send them to USA from Holland.

If you still want to share more about how this all came to be for you, i'm all ears. I can't say there's much that i can do to help but i will always try to think with you. I think you have come to the right place in that regard. Maybe Cherion can say more about it.

In my opinion, it is very difficult, if not impossible, to diagnose someone from a distance.

Tango, It might be the case that you are suffering from hallucinations, body dismorphic disorder, psychosis or what have you. But I think it is very hard to say, i mean, to judge if the hair is really splitting, we should have to look at it or see a photo to judge whether these experiences are still in a shared reality or not...

Furthermore, it is obviously that there is also some emotional/mental disturbance going on, but that is still nothing to base a definite conclusion on.

I agree that you are suffering from something serious, and in the opinion of the TCM body and mind are not separated, so from that point of view there is no need to choose between 'mental' OR 'physical'. Both AND is more the Chinese philosophy...

You said in the starting post you take adderall, is that prescribed?



As i understood, tango is pretty well aware that it is his perception of his body that is being distorted, not his actual physical body.

So, that still might be something that a Psychiatrist has to take a look at, but maybe a Shaman might be helpfull aswell. To make it all a bit more confusing, i'd like to add that Shamans can be excellent Psychiatrists, and sometimes vice versa...

From a TCM point of view, 'Wind' can both cause very serious physical disbalances, as well as very serious mental disorders, when diagnosed from a Western Medical point of view...

[quote=cheiron]

You misunderstood me. I repeatedly tried to emphasize that the change is physical. That's the entire point and purpose of this thread. Physical change is happening.

I appreciate your input and do understand where you're coming from, but it's not the kind of analysis I was looking for. Unless you take what I wrote as an honest description of what's happening, coming from a mentally able individual, the whole thing becomes a joke.

Sounds to me like you are feeling what i feel when slightly tripping. I still think your problem is essentially spiritual. When looking in the mirror i can relate to feeling muscles in my face moving while i'm half-participating. It looks a lot like hallucinations and they indeed open up emotions i'm not used to feeling. It is physical, just ruled by psychological processes. I can stop them at any time.

Autonomical processes in the body are ruled by subconscious trigger. It sounds like with you what is normally subconscious is now controlled or very heavily perceived consciously. Or am i still not getting it?
Guess what i am saying is that unconscious process in the body is psychological in essence. Normally this is just not perceived. These processes are (i think) ruled by the Nervous System so neuro-investigation for the win.

Since you are male, what is heavily forming in the stomach is i think related to sexual energy. I would pay close attention to that. What is forming might very well be the start of a new life form. Not sure what this means in relation to perhaps the liver and organs near the solar plexus but yea,

These are my honest thoughts, sorry if i said anything inappropiate or plain ignorant. Hope you can maintain your patience which you have expressed throughout this thread, hopefully you can be saved from future frustrating visits to doctors and professionals that have no idea.

Try Accupuncture, Thai chi, Qi Gong.
Entertain the possibility that what you have developed is the start of a kundalini awakening.

I admit i might be swinging the ball in the wrong direction. But i assure you this has nothing to do with new age this, these are old age concepts. Ofcourse your average western doctor does not often have a clue about this. clinging to scientific solutions in areas where science hasn't ventured must naturally raise a lot of resistance. (Not saying you are doing so, just raising the possibility)

That's why a psychiatrist would be a better place to seek for answers then a drug forum.



If your having serious mental health problems they are not.

Yes, you're getting it! That's exactly what I'm saying here, not discussing the origins of the Universe. From the information I provided, you got the picture there. Now because of some other factors that are rare and particular to my circumstances (yet real, as in things that were done and their effects), the sensation you (and I'm sure many others) get when slightly stoned) moves to a whole different stage.

Since you mentioned Kundalini, I very much relate to some of the circumstances that favor it (in a bad way, unfortunately) as described in "Biology of Kundalini" (available online, for free). There's more to say about that, but I won't go into details. I just want to mention that the sexual energy also seems spot on, in light of some things that happened very recently.

So thank you for keeping an open mind about the whole issue
)

Yay, i was getting worried. Now i hope you can stop being vague about how this all started and get some real assistance!

Thanks ) Not sure who can offer real assistance in such matters, but I do hope to find some guidance, as I sure could use that now.

Y'know, folks... It's great to see such concern for this guy's well-being, but might I suggest that a simple instruction to "see a psychiatrist" is actually a bit reckless. I've been to a couple regarding pretty similar circumstances, and it is pretty terrifying when folks are trying to call you insane, and threatening to attack your liberties as a free human being, just because you're sick and want to, need to get better any way you can.

I might ask: If the folks on a drug forum are so stretched to comprehend this far-out but completely genuine subjective experience, and the physical ailments that come with it... Why should a suit-and-tie psychiatrist be anything but confounded and horrified by the end of that consultation? There are really very, very few professionals who can even begin to approach this situation with an open mind... and unfortunately, those who do not can react very unpredictably to the reality of it.

---

The subjective experience of this shit is completely absurd, yes; That's simply the fact of the matter. Do not assume that, because an individual is experiencing something that seems to be impossible, that person is not a reasonable, self-actualized human being.
The system is damaged and exhausted to the breaking point, and integrating a broken body into a logical and consistent consensus reality take a lost of energy that simply is not available. Sensory input is going to be wacky and impossible, Emotions and behavior are going to be irrational and anxious, and since he has been living with a debilitating, consciousness-effecting illness for the vast majority (if not all) of his life, the symptom will be nearly impossible to explain in a rational manner.. His senses are compromised, and he has no "real world" to compare it to, having limited experience with what most people might call a baseline state of mind.

We KNOW we've got serious neurological and health health problems. There's no question about that. Our penises feel like they're tangled up in our thighs and we've got to repeatedly stretch, crack and contort ourselves all day to keep ourselves breathing and sane (to name a few more mundane symptoms). You think we don't know we're not mentally unwell?... Fear, exhaustion and pain have shattered our lives and minds. We're given no insight and limited to no help by those around us who we seek out for assistance; many the most open-minded of them are participating in this thread... And there is not a single person either of us know us who has been through this, who could offer at least the assurance that we're not doomed to an agonizing death no matter what we do. Meanwhile, we're slowly going mad from pain, exhaustion and anxiety with not a damn ounce of energy left, other than a tired and worn out will to live and the hope that there might be something to live for if we can just f***ing get through this.

We face the bloodcurdling abyss of the unknown every wretched day as we push the limits of our willpower to the mindbending edge to stay conscious, to take each breath, and to relearn to use out bodies again and again and again day in and day out while diving to the depths of our minds and souls to fish out any fragment of a clue, or a glimmer of hope that will get us one more excruciating, godforsaken day on this Earth we love so much that we will drag ourselves through hell time and again to be a part of just for a little while longer... And we don't give up.

I don't think you'll find more peerless reason and determination than that without some good looking... So if the best advice you can muster is "Go see a psychiatrist, you're not well"... Well, thanks for the consideration, but it seems like this guy knows more than his fair share about keeping his head, regardless of the cards life has dealt him. If you really want to help, dig up a reference for a really amazing massage therapist in his area who can keep an open mind, or give him a suggestion that might help him feel better rather than reiterating what he obviously already knows, adding to the mountains of toxic anxiety and tension he lives under all day, every day.

@expandaneum: If you are doubting what's being claimed, feel free to ask for evidence... But do not call an honest man a liar. It would be very easy to furnish you with good pictures of hair follicles split in two or three, as that is a symptom I share. We're all on the same team here... Let's communicate and share, rather than being divided and distracted by rash judgments before we even get started.

@Quicksilver: Thank you for an eloquent description of whatever it is we're facing. I can truly relate to all of the above, so I guess there must be more people out there going through similar experiences. From what I've been able to find online, the closest match is the kundalini syndrome affecting a system that was deemed as beyond repair by its own immune system.

I don't know your specific issue tango, but if I could share a little from my experience that could relate.

It's very important to remember that the mind and body is a self-healing apparatus if you allow it. It could be that on some level, physical, psychological or spiritual something is trying to rearrange itself and you are actually feeling this as a physical manifestation, prolonged over time, sober. It is a common archetype of shamanistic transformation that during a vision quest, at some point, a shaman will experience, very lucidly, entities, aliens or other coming and disfiguring their entire body and then putting it back together.

With that, again I think it's always important to remember the mind, body and soul is a self-healing apparatus, if you allow it. Healing and transformation is more about allowance than the conscious willing to do anything. if you MUST experience this, my instinct would be to allow the experience to wash over you without you interfering with it. Not trying to direct it. Let it situate itself. Learn to just feel it and let it do it's thing. Try to stay in a state of no-mindedness, not creating rationalization or theories about it. Allow it to do it's thing, if you are supposed to have a though or theory about it surface, let it come from the sensation of perception, not from your mind trying to discern or categorize from an intellectual standpoint.

Also when coming to grips with physical phenomena or issue, dancing and stretching in yogic ways is always very healing.

Yeah, something sure is trying to re-arrange itself: An entire human being.

Feeling it out and letting it do its thing is the name of the game, bro. I'm sure we're both capable of doing some "going with the flow" that would have you running, screaming away with all the willpower you could muster, wondering how the hell you could ever comprehend what you just saw. (I mean, really... Ever seen a dangerously scrawny ginger space cadet in the middle of a pain/exhaustion/exertion-induced ecstatic state stand bolt upright, grab a shoulder and twist it violently in a 90-degree rotation (somehow not breaking anything), with eyes rolling into the back of his head, spewing glossolalia and breathing so hard he's blowing pens and forks across the room? Or how about manually yanking a hip into place with such a loud, violent crack that the neighbors think it's a pistol... while at the climax of a three-hour orgasm, collapsing into a useless heap for an hour with no bearings or sense of self while the sensations of being a living, bodied being slowly drift back?

...Y'know? I think kundalini awakening and such may have been a consideration.
BUT, here's the thing. That doesn't help a damn bit. It points out that there is a belief system that attempts to integrate this type of healing process, and there are even a few tools hidden away along those avenues to find... But the whole shaman's sickness/kundalini awakening/etc paradigm is really utterly useless except for mental/spiritual motivation.
Every seeker on the planet is willing to tell us what they think it is... but the fact of the matter is that the average seeker does not have the life-or-death drive and the hellbent acceleration of the process we experience; If anything, we know the turf better than the people offering their "enlightened opinions". The tools of the mystic or psychonaut are our tools for survival... So often it is more or less beating a dead horse; like when my doctor tells me to stretch and take ibuprofen like it isn't the least I do.

That isn't to say a bad thing about offers for guidance or assistance... but just to illustrate the challenge in finding anything that actually does help.

@Hiyo Quicksilver, you've been a part of this forum for a while now. You take entheogens right? How did those effect you? Any guidance or practical teachings? Purging on Ayahuasca?

Well, I don't want to filibuster this thread any longer than I already have; I'll make it as brief as possible. (Have we met? )

I haven't had more than three or four drug induced trips in the past 18 months or so, since my health isn't as robust as I like it to be for tripping, and frankly life is trippy enough when stone sober. I'm assuming you're asking about entheogen use as it pertains to the subject matter at hand, but it's a bit too complex to fully address without a cumbersome wall of text. I'd suffice it to say that they are incredibly useful in their own individual ways, though they really only point the way toward seemingly insurmountable challenges and provide motivation to make the attempt.
Barring occasional hints along the way, the only psychedelic experience that actually gets involved in the healing process in realtime are moderate LSD trips, in which the expanded capacity for logic and patience can allow me to alter my spacial and bodily perception to better use my senses and muscles in a concertive, coordinated fashion.

Purging is weird, and you'd probably rather not hear my experiences with it. If you feel like taking the graphic punishment, I killed a thread on purging a few months back with the story. I think it's called "Let's discuss purging!"... But I digress. I don't want to kill this one too.

Your avatar and unusual nickname (cool one btw, makes me think of good whiskey) is imprinted in my memory, i have read a lot of threads. I hope you don't feel scrutinized right now but i just read that thread you are talking about. Graphic.. ya. I don't know.. I am holding back thoughts i have harbored because they are quite ridiculous and probably unhelpful. If a break-through on ayahuasca can not 'heal' you i do not know what can. Glad you decided to share though, i was really wondering how you would experience entheogens. Perhaps something to keep in mind for Tango as an option. (not a novel thought i assume, or else we probably woulden't be talking on this forum)

EDIT: Stay positive though, fuck. And keep looking. I am pretty damn sure there exists a medicine for this stuff. It woulden't be impossible to design one with proper research and investigation. More people just need to crack their mind at this and do something useful.