Hello all,
I've been lurking on this wonderful site for a few weeks now. I have been inspired to register from the immense urge to post constructive replies and accolades to many priceless posts that have touched me on this forum. I have quite the history with psychedelics and don't know where to begin, so i won't in this post until i've had more time to structure the story into text. I'll just say now that i thought i retired from entheogens back in 2003 (except for MJ) after growing cubensis mushrooms and regrettably (and knowingly) taking a larger dose than planned. Had a horrible freakout the turned into an 8 month depression from not knowing how to integrate. Didn't even know one needed to integrate trips back then. Wish i knew then what i know now. BUT, not knowing then has led to me knowing now. Still wish i was more responsible then though. Know your dose, and nonchalantly deviate! SWIM's been dealing with that trip and a lot of postings on here have really helped them decode it. The last couple years they've also been very into shamanism and it's led to here and thinking again of stating to explore. This time with intent, respect, maturity, and for a much better and deeper reason than to see crazy ass things and loose my mind, aka get f'ed up.

i hope this isn't too small of an introduction as i really want to pour out to the memebers here (and as i type this i can't believe the warm feeling and strange sense that i'm taking steps right now to better understand myself and i'm "meant" to share here. sound irrational?), but i don't want to type out hastily a report of all that's led me to here.

anyway, just wanted to say hi as i'm excited about this account i newly created. I really love the feel, attitude, intellectuality of this here hole in the tubes. I bid you all a good evening and please keep a lookout for my assuredly lengthier and proper introduction post.


~FloorFan (who isn't me)

Hello, Batfly! Have you tried dmt?

Hello upload No I have not tried DMT yet. I've been researching it for the past couple years now. Only very recently have i actually made the decision that i am in fact going to try it.

I was put off by my "bad" trip a decade ago. My experience thus far has been with firstly, before even getting high on weed, DXM. i had a summer where it was taken twice or more daily, not sure if addiction is the right word. Around the same time was LSD several time with largest dose being 5 sugar cubes (each being anywhere from 1 to 3 hits) while watching tool video for their salival dvd release. That'll ruin them from ever living up to that heightened viewing ever again. Had some forays with several pain killers (darvocet, percocet, codene, etc.) a ridiculously dumb idea of getting "high" on benadryl (think jupiter's gravitational field). A few3 time i tool some ecstasy, i mostly worried on it until candy flipping was tried. lastly was mushrooms, then i settled on canabis. I had taken mushrooms a couple times but not enough to give me more than the giggles and some distortions. So i grew my own to trip. I had 10 grams dried. My girlfriend at the and i were to take only 3.5 grams each. Since i had extra i said f' it, i'll tkae 5 grams and really get this show underway. The dried shrooms were ground up in a bowl and pestle then dissolved into orange juice. 15 minute onset with a very steady incline right to peaking for about 7 hours. I thought i was gone literally a week!

still thinking how to begin about that last mushroom trip and the recent revelations i processed from it. I was too young then for such a profound experience (just turned 21 at the time). total ego death and complete chaotic warpage of time among much more. i plan on writing a whole separate post about it. don't know why i'm putting it off. means a lot to me and i want to devote the time needed for it.

suffice it to say that from my very first trip on DXM (Coricidin pills) i had the sense that we are peering into some other place. gaining some kind of new spectral bandwidth. like i was straddling a line between life and death. even had an instance of telepathy with a close friend while we were both on DXM. i grew to dismiss all that as just brain wonkiness while tripping. just drugs man.

that was until recently i had a friend turn me onto Carlos Castenada's books and it struck a chord some 2 plus years ago. i don't want to start a conversation on his work or the legitimacy of it, but whatever his books are, it did start me again researching into psychedelics, which i shunned off after questioning everything from my "bad" mushroom trip. That all led me finding out about DMT.

I was always very science minded and into quantum vs astral physics, general relativity, and anything of the ilk. from that set of interests researched into theories of time and this being a holographic universe. i came to the conclusion that time doesn't really exist (then found there are, in fact, theories on that too) and kinda freaked out about the holographic universe. the teachings of don juan seemed to connect a lot of things, whether religious or scientific, and i related immensely to it. soon to find out the boks also could be a big hoax. i very much enjoyed his first 3 books though, but am still never sure what to conclusively think about them. i stopped reading them when it turned into some strange quest with other apprentices. i felt like he just got off his own subject and was writing strange novellas at that point. just nonsensical.

so there's is the essay answer to your non essay question. i apologize for lack of capitalization and any spelling errors.

ok this is strange and syncratic. Upload, i clicked your name to check out your posts, and recognized the awwwoooosssh trip report as the one of two i read in a row that made me want to register! the whole talking in the plural form of we and being pleased with the physical world creation touched me! i remember whispering a slow wow as i read it. short but impact full. i find it neat that you were the first to say hello

Interesting what you say about Castaneda's works. They had the exact same effect on me. The writing is beautifully done and the supposed Don Juan's insights are profound. However that whole Cleargreen thing is a little shady. I feel like they're valuable works, as long as you don't read the ideas as dogma.

That is a bit strange..or is it? lol. I'm glad you read my report, Batfly. It's much different than most others I have read. Honestly, the experience was so profound and enlightening, I couldn't put the details in writing. Instead, I tried to share the "essence" of what I learned. I'm glad you liked it! Strange title, yes? LOL. I have no idea why, but "awooooosh" is something I began saying over and over after I returned to my body...

EternalReturn: (great name btw!) yeah, that's when i started seeing things were looking shady too. When i saw the instructional videos, that's when i started looking into him as a writer more.

upload: the title caught my eye and just seemed to encompass a sound, velocity, visual intensity, emotion, or better put like you said, essence. i wasn't disappointing when i clicked it. maybe a revisit post that goes more into it is in the future. i know i would sure be in the front of a que to read it.

i'm just trying to unexpect what i'm expecting. as i'm sure i have no idea. i don't want expectations and be as blank and accepting as i can. i'm sure i have no idea.

but i did have a strange occurrence while "enhanced" on an herb. this was about 2 weeks ago. i feel like i was given a preview to see if i could handle it. i was watching a youtube video with my girlfriend of this english man's ayahuasca experience. he started talking about how his ego was getting dismantled and i started really feeling it. then i just sunk back on the couch and my body started to buzz, but it was higher than a buzz in frequency. that's when i thought, "woah, wait guys, i have to work early tomorrow, so not now please."

then i heard this strange, omnidirectional, almost like it wasn't there, whisper. There was a lot of it, of voice, as in the plural sense: "ok, no problem." But it wasn't words. like a whispered concept? I then thought, "WHAT THE F, Oh, sorry for the swearing" Voice(es?): "That's quite the f alright. We swear here too." Me: "well, i appreciate the offer of the preview. Maybe when i'm asleep?" before i could finish the last thought was "is that a deal? you got it!". BatflY: "um... ok? well, thanks for backing off when i asked." Voice: "You are very F'in welcome. in your dream" then something trailing i can't tell as it trailed away like a dream. i didn't see them. just concepts in a whisper form appear. i told my girlfriend and she just sounded curious and amazed. i probed to make sure she didn't think i was crazy lol.

that night, i smoked another bowl of "enhancement" before bed. just before laying down i put on ozric tentacles, a band i just read of and decided i'd check them out. as i listened to this super trippy and varied music i started to relax. as i remembered what happened earlier they returned...

i'll write more on that tomorrow.

ok, sorry about the cliff hanger ending of the last post. my girlfriend came home and i wanted to spend time with her.

where was i? oh yes. music playing and laid down to sleep.

before i get into the return of the voice, i just want to include that i've been studying a lot about the pineal gland (hence the title 'pineal student'. i've been trying to concentrate on it and get somewhat of a buzzy feeling when i do. colors are a bit more saturated and thinking is clear if not almost distracting in depth. this is when completely sober.

back in bed, freshly smoked bowl of herb, ozric tentacles playing, i had just laid back and thought about what occurred previously that evening. i was a bit anxious about the "deal" i accidentally made. just as i was wondering if it was real or if i was just super stoned earlier, i heard, or more like understood: "It's time. you made a deal remember?" I then thought, "ok, but as long as i get sleep and wake up well rested." They said, "oh, don't worry about that. it'll be ok". I had more questions but the only one i could get out was, "is this a test? are you guys testing me?"

The answer was: "Yeeeeeeeesssssss." which encompassed a feeling akin to them wanting to see if i could handle it. then i got a bit nervous as the very very center of my head tingled. like i had a tiny bladder in my brain that needed relieving. the body buzz from earlier in the night returned. the music started to flange out even more than usual when enhanced. my nervousness was at a super heightened state and then i saw, disturbing-ness.

it was a completely skinned baby kangaroo head. some bits of muscle and blood still on it. it was in it's mothers skinless, muscle bound pouch who was also skinned. but the vision was focused on the roo. this initially frightened me. but then as i looked at it, i let the disgust and fear subside. i realized it's just anatomy. like seeing the wire, pistons, gears, etc of a machine. this was just biological. then the little gory roo started to stretch. it's teeth became longer and sharper and it's innards started to stretch out of the bone as it was being spaghettied around. like morphing in an old psychedelic oil wall projector of bone and guts. i had the feeling like stomach churning. i just thought, "yeah, that's disturbing, but i'm not scared. i been through/seen worse. on that crazy bad trip on mushrooms..." that's when i realized my horrible shroom trip was an ego death. a hyperslap per say if one can have them on mushrooms. Next thought was: "Oh sorry, i don't mean to sound cocky." voice said: "It's not cocky, it's connnnnnnfiiiiiiidenccccccce!" i thought to the voice, "i think i've already been broken down before, do i get a free pass from that?" i was shocked to get a reply of "ok, sure, this time". the spaghetti kangaroo of gore disappeared.

i now saw some vivid yet transparent reddish gold patterns mixing and rotating. this is all with eyes closed mind you. i did open them and the patterns were still there. but they moved with my vision, not locked into a location. they were the same transparency. i closed my eyes again to be amazed to see this little maroon-brown lump of a flesh head. this was NOT transparent.

this flesh head lump then was coming in from the right of my "vision field". it just floated in with no body. it opened a single new-plant-growth-green colored eye. the center had a slit pupil and it felt very amphibious. it looked around then right at ME! it noticed me. it blinked and turned into two eyes as they opened. it also doubled in length as this happened. blink, six more eyes. two between the last two but also new rows above and below. it did this a couple more times as it floated almost comically to the center of my vision. then it grew tendrils and a small body from those. it also started to have a flattened, transparent, ribbon-disc like halo that grew form the top of it's head. a tiny crown grew from this halo with big ol gaudy ruby like gems and was super bright gold. it grew to a regal yet ridiculous size.

when it was done materializing, it outstretched its arms and had a big green eye in each hand. it brought these eyes together above it's head in front of the crown. it pulled them apart then clapped them and just as suddenly drew them away, making a large circle. this made an array of green eyes that stayed in space blinking as this little guy floated away to the left. almost cg like and i interpreted it as a joke the way it floated. this circle of eyes remained and they all blinked in unison and this made some tentacles grow from between the eyes. these tentacles were oozy pale yellow with iridescent blue and purple tones where its shadows/shading were. they were wiggly and gooey and the eyes were a part of it and the center opened up to reveal a star. a fuzzy star in this pulsating diamond shaped hole. a blurry, pale yellow, distant star.

i focus on the start and hear "that's right. focus on the dot. that leads you!" as i do this the tingle in my head center grows and feels like it shoots out the top of my head forehead. then i zoom into the star and see these glowing oven-burner-orange outlines of cookie cutter people. these zoom out to reveal more cookie cutter people. they are all linked but separate. it keeps zooming out and these patterns get so small that they make the structure of single line outlining a bigger, single cookie cutter oven-element-orange person. this keeps going with a super warm and connected feeling that we are all the same/made up of each other.

i zoom past this and remember seeing a deep deep red, more than 3d, cube-grid with these blue hot and sharp dots of good-burning energy shooting all around. they shoot THROUGH me and i can feel their hot burn. yet it was soothing and energizing. i then opened my eyes and i could still see the red cube grid but not the dots. i looked at my girlfriend but she was already asleep. i closed my eyes and that's where my memory ends.

i remember most of this cause i told my girlfriend of it as i woke up for work. i also drew the guy and the gooey eye tendril thing. i also remember as i had the hot blue dots fly through me the voice once again said "this is but a fraction of the intensity and clarity you'll have". i guess they sensed me thinking it wasn't as realized as i thought it should be. i said, "ok, thanks for the preview". then i understood "you are welcome." this was just before i don't remember anything else.

so, sounds crazy, but i guess with practice and genuine asking, a light version of an experience can be had? i've tried to get back there, sober and high, but was only shown the meaning of death last night. it basically encompassed a sad loss of the previous identity of "ME". then we can explore around and choose to start life anew. not necessarily on earth. this was last night while watching a show with my girlfriend. i was baked. but this was super intense, super sad, and super relieving! i don't know what started it other than i was just thinking about other peoples reports of dieing in DMT trips. it was in total about 30 seconds and no visuals. just strong strong emotions, concepts, and a feeling of it being outward sourced. like i wasn't thinking it. it was happening TO me, not FROM me.

i hope all this makes sense. has anyone had anything similar happen? i know my past psychedelic experiences help me have mild patters when i smoke herb form time to time. but these recent incidences are far form just mild patterns. they are having the feeling of presence.

also, sorry for my overly descriptive writing style. i'm in love with the little things in life and can't help but flesh things out with details as i remember them.

comments are welcome, please! after these i feel EXTREMELY drawn to DMT now. i'm not afraid so much anymore as i am nervous.

I'm actively trying to work on any issues i have before i extract too. i've asked help with this and i think that's what i'm getting.

lastly, here's the drawing i was talking about.

hello all, hope everyone had a great holiday season! Happy new year! Exciting times seem to be imminent in this new year.

Despite all this hope and enthusiasm, I hate to feel i have alienated myself by posting what i've recently gone through. The abrupt nature at which comments have ceased leads me to believe i have been viewed as full of it. Am i right in this? I don't care if others are skeptical of what i write, but at least state so. All stated has happened, all be it with what limited scope and fidelity ganja and meditation can produce. Things continue to be intense as i partake and continue to work on myself in preparation for future precipitated crystalline adventures. Although it all started with just bettering myself for the sake of betterment.

i'm getting closer to being able to partake in hyperspace travels myself soon! mimosa has been acquired and arrived; .001g scale and glass baster ordered as well. i have a few more collection of materials/ingredients errands to run, then it'll be off to the extractions!

i do hope maybe i just posted around a busy time or that this post got lost in the seas of new posts. i do hope others don't think i'm sincere in my recollections. perhaps i should have made it a separate post altogether. i'm not striving for attention, but i am curios to opinions or other accounts of anyone who have had visions similar without or previous to spice travels.

thanks and i could just be paranoid. sorry if so!

Before last night I might hot have fully believed you, but I had a HOLY experience and how everything you said makes some semblance of sense.

Anyways, I believe ya!

The skinned kangaroo is kinda disturbing, but I buddy of mine insists the first time he did it he couldn't stop seeing horses being chopped and ground up. To each his own, but I'm glad my mind doesn't go those sorts of places!

On a related note, I recently ingested LSD and that same buddy turns on the movie 'V/H/S'. Not sure if you guys are familiar, but I'd never seen it before and that is a REALLY REALLY BAD thing to see on LSD. He likes to go gruesome places.

I am very confident that one day in the future I will wake up in a cold sweat shrieking like a mental patient from this invading my dreams...

you mind elaborating? i can't say mine was holy, but it was intense. if you have processed enough and are able to describe, would love to read about your experience! and thanks! it's makes one a but tender i think to open up about such personal and sensitive experiences. i wish i did more on my "bad" mushroom trip a decade ago at that time.

I just wrote it up, check this out: Last Night's Journey

I'm not very religious, but there was something really supernatural and otherworldly about the whole thing. It was many magnitudes above other DMT experiences I've had, it was so danged COHERENT...

HA, just saw that you added more while i was replying. Yeah, i didn't like that my mind went to gruesome places, but i am glad i didn't care for ONCE! on lsd nothing seemed to scare me. but it was always around close friends at night in non serious situation. we also never watched anything with a plot. i just watched the trailer for VHS, yeah, that looks crazy to watch on acid! the door morphing and arms out the walls plus all the horrific death, ugh! i like horror movies, but not with hallucinogens! to each their own.

anyway, going to jump over to your write up now!

Yeah, I dig horror movies too, but have been saying modern ones are all crap. This had something else going on. Even though I made him turn it off halfway I intend on finishing it after my psyche recovers. I'm glad it actually IS pretty messed up because I would have felt intensely silly if it was all just me.

Anyways, back to DMT...

OH GOD! you scared the crap outta me just now! lol. i clicked over to this tab and hit reload when that cute but scary girl from the movie appeared, and BIG! i jumped, haha, thanks for that!

yes... back to dmt...

Haha, much like my initial impressions of DMT, what doesn't totally tear you apart will just make you stronger!

The books are wonderful. His later status as a cult leader to creepy girls with the same little boy haircut is not.

That is the best attitude to take when approaching DMT. See you around, Batfly!

..oh yeah... and welcome to the Nexus

-DK

Hello Batfly,

I just want you to keep in mind that no matter how you prepare or tell yourself not to expect anything, once you take that hit nothing you have done to prepare could possibly prepare you for what comes next! DMT is like nothing you have ever experienced In a way that it opens a portal to a different dimension, before you can wrap your brain around a thought it's gone than BOOM! Here's another thought! And than the images start pouring in! It's intense to say the least. The only thing you should be prepared for is to have your world tilted on it's very axis, be prepared to possibly confront yourself at the most primordial point in existence!

I believe you completely about the visions you have been receiving, keep in mind what you seek also seeks you.

You talk about an experience with a high dose of mushrooms that was difficult for you to return back to normal life from.
Be very careful when you first try spice . I took an incredibly large dose for my first and only time and I am half here and half there still a week later.

It is the most beautiful and yet terrifying experience imaginable, please set a clear intent and watch your dosage

Safe travel. May light be with you and within you

thank you for the comments and advice.

Awokenatlast: i can literally feel the duality of enthusiasm and concern/gravity to your words. I don't know how to explain a mushroom or acid or dxm trip to someone who hasn't done them. and i feel they are ALL so very very DIFFERENT in nature. i can't imagine what trying to explain dmt would be like to someone who hasn't tried it. but thank you! concern is love as i see it.

the mushroom trip was what a moment of being young and cocky can get you even if everything is planned out. i took 5 grams instead of my planned 3.5 grams. i knew better. I KNEW BETTER! you know?! what was i thinking? there was a reason i put so much effort into everything and why i even made a specific dose decision in the first place. but i can't live with what if's. i can only learn. i was 21 then, nearly 11 years ago.

my 0.001g scale came in yesterday to avoid such a thing. i read the manual and took a moment to calibrate it. it first read 10.003 for the 10 gram weight. now it reads 10 even! it's a gemini-20 as i saw many here use it. very cool little scale for the price!

i'm going to take it slow. maybe 10 to 15mg. i want to start threshold or lower and work up. i know there'll be surprises. one thing my bad trip taught me was to find my childlike sense of wonder in things again. complexity is the coziness of life. i questioned everything after that trip. this was at the END of my previous psychedelic career. questions such as what is in a moment? how can things move? how do you define an objects place in space if each atom is in a different location (or quantumly everywhere at once (possibly until observed))? does space itself move? how can there be so many of things (amount of leaves on a tree multiplied by amount of trees in the world). it was these questions that were the base of my depression. i was constantly overwhelmed and completely uncomforted by things that i used to find fascinating. i think i was given questions but became scared of the classroom by running head first into calculus instead of starting with simple arithmetics. you know?

i also meditate almost everyday for 10 to 20 minutes. i've solved many problems being able to detach myself from my thoughts and observe them while meditating. it's amazing how easily solutions come about when you can calm down, take you and your emotions out of something, analyze is HONESTLY, then BAM, like puzzle pieces, solutions. not always pretty, easy, or nice are they to implement. but honest and effective.

anyway, i'm not too sure when i'll be doing my first extraction. still gathering supplies and knowledge. i just need more glass trays, the lye, naptha, and to decide on a mixing container. i'm liking the quart mason jars that can fit onto a blender. i might pick up the little blender too. i want everything for this to be dedicated materials for only this process.

i have a question for anyone who might be able to answer. how concerned do i need to be about naphtha fumes and a respirator? i'm doing a norman's/lazyman's tek. not much attention is placed on respirators or type of mask and such. pvc primer and glue makes me very woozy light headed even when outdoors (i make a lot of halloween props and costumes with pvc parts). i should probably already be using one anyway

again, thanks!