Hello guys. I am Tom . My only consumed drug ever was marijuanaa, which by the way was grown myself

I come to this forums not because of some kind of simple curiosity, but rather with curiosity of healing, and not only healing, but healing my self first .

In my eyes, life is psychedelic and everything is psychedelic, as psychedelic compound DMT is produced in our brains, and both dis-empowered and empowered beings produces this DMT in their brains, which could actually mean, that there is no dis-empowered or empowered beings, just weak and strong beings, we may call it.

I will tell my life-story short as this could help me a little bit. In my childhood years I was pretty good guy, and every little thing was going fine, WHEN I was alone (or I had an illusion of being alone maybe ). Now, let's add that I am pretty mutch introspective. So, continuing. Somehow, like some kind of magnet, I would attract certain feelings like rage and anxiety vibes (towards myself).

Now it doesn't happen always. It happens when I get into deeper perceptions of mind, let's say. It's like some kind of trap in the way to empowerment let's say . Yes, trap pretty much assumes it. It's like some kind of hate-madness-hate circle. The wierdest thing, the further, the more hate i am getting from the universe, let's say. Like from completly random things. Like at this moment, I am in very wierd state, in which let's say I can't even be myself. Like some kind of force won't let me. I call this force or some kind of strange artificial boundary a snow

I'd love to continue my life's journey, but I can't. Everytime I get into deeper things, let's say, I get into this bizaree madness. You know, it is so hard to explain, as I just scratched the surface. And as I try to dissolute the boundaries, I don't get love as most people would say it. I keep getting into bizaree madness or a bad dream.

I am pretty much courageous and I know that this trap shall be gone one way or another. But I'd love to discuss my state. As every empowered or strong being once were dis-empowered or weak. I assume I got screwed up by some kind of evil shaman. As I am pretty much into psychedelic lifestyle and community or communities since young age , but I can't really get into, because... So it's even worst, you know

I hope you like it and I hope you understand me, and I hope you are into discussions

Btw, also I feel like I am not welcome into psychedelic community, you know. It's so wierd... I think they're calling me stupid and wierd. That's the trap I am was talking about

Hi, ToMmme and Welcome to the nexus. I'm not an "expert," but I can say dmt has helped me begin to work through some challenging problems. I hope it does the same for you!

Hello ToMmme,

Welcome to the Nexus, . I'm so glad you found our little forum/family. And I do sincerely hope that you feel welcome here. We have a number of members who are part of the psychedelic community without actually consuming the sacraments. If I understood you correctly, that's part of who you were saying you were, .

I do not know you and am not qualified to counsel you or give you any sort of medical advice. So, this is just my opinions.

I'm so sorry you feel caught up in a hate-madness-hate circle. I do not have any easy answers for you. If you are a young man you still are at a decent risk for real psychiatric disturbance (with or without drug use). You may have something emerging along these lines.

Regardless, my personal opinion recommendations are the following:

1.) Ensure you are getting good and regular nutrition.

2.) Ensure that you are getting regular and quality sleep.

3.) Ensure that you are having regular orgasms (make love and/or masturbate).

4.) Ensure that you are getting at least some regular exercise.

5.) Take up a program of simple meditation. Just sit for a few times each day trying to focus on abdominal breathing/breath, thinking of nothing - just push those hate or madness or whatever thoughts gently and quietly back over and over again - focus on the breath.

6.) If you are not on medications that make this dangerous (i.e. have prohibitions against MAOI consumption) take up a regular program of brewing and dosing banisteriopsis caapi only (no DMT or DMT plant) ayahuasca. In the 50-70 grams range, once or twice a week for a few months at least.

7.) Try to make an effort to expose yourself to non-populated raw nature at least a few times a year - GO to the forest, the secret beach, the hidden hike cove, the desert, etc.

8.) Work to cultivate empathy within yourself. Notice your own suffering and also the suffering of others. Notice your triumphs and joys and those of others. Notice that the more we get down to the root of things, the more we rip away the veils, the more we see how much we have in common with other beings and this is a very good thing. Maybe volunteer at a soup kitchen or a county hospital or something like that. Not easy or nice work but devoting a few hours a week to serving others who are less blessed can be quite an eye-opener in my limited experience. Don't be afraid to look folks in the eye and talk to them.

9.) Do not be afraid to reach out for help. If you have the access to speak to a counselor or therapist of some kind grab it and use it as the priveledge and opportunity it is. Don't worry about labels of madness or whatever. All the interesting people are at least a little mad, .

Okay, enough of my ranting advice. I encourage you to take a good look around. There is so much going on here. Literally something for everyone.

Again, welcome to the Nexus.