This weekend I took a dose of 5 dried grams of psilocybin mushrooms with a friend out in the countryside moorland area, the strangest thing happened, which is not much at all. Almost like the closer I get to some grand realisation, the less effect that psychoactive substances have on me. There were no real strong 'hallucinations', I didn't even feel that different, I was just able to think very clearly and feel myself as nothing more than a part of the universe.
As this was winding down my friend cracked out the vodka and ganja and I got out the DMT which he was adamant that he was not doing again. Going into it I felt like this could very well be the last time I used it as well.

After the first two experiments I had gone away and worked on what had happened to me, I was slowly putting the finishing touches to a picture in my head that i'd been working on for a while.
After the inhalation there was the familiar feeling of reality falling apart and then there was 'death'. It feels so familiar that I believe this is exactly the same feeling we will get on our death beds. I found myself more able to just let go than with the previous times. I was transported to what seemed to be a place of origin of what felt like everything, I started to be flooded with knowledge of everything. And then I felt the most intense loneliness and realised what I was looking at. This was the Godhead that i'd heard people talk about reaching before, I looked to see if I could make out any distinctive features, at this point I realised that I was looking into a mirror. Suddenly I had this intense realisation, like everything came back to me. I created this universe to hide from myself, I was so bored and tired of being the great and almighty me that out of boredom and intense loneliness I created everything and it was all me.

I came out of the trip almost immediately after this, I felt like I had cheated myself almost. I had missed the point all along, I had spent my life asking myself so many questions that I sacrificed a lot of fun and enjoyment to pursue this instead, I felt like this was the most important thing and I let it consume me. Really what I should have been doing is playing the game of life as a human being and treating it for what it is, a holiday away from being myself, a break from being the almighty, a chance to have fun. After this i'm not sure whether I have too much more to get out of DMT, I feel like I have learned everything I ever could have hoped to and now is the time to get on with living and having fun.
Has anyone else had any sort of experience close to this?

I've had similar experiences, realizing I created everything, that I am a crumb from the cosmic cake. I am awed with such experiences; but give it time, integrate what you learned. In time it'll be like a dream and you may just find yourself thinking about trying the molecule again. There's is always more to learn. Time, integration; balance.

You experienced unity. It's one of the 4 categorical "Qualities of Transcendent Experience", as Alan Watts described.
1). Slowing of time, increased awareness of the present moment.
2). Awareness of polarity, (yin and yang).
3). Awareness of relativity. That is, you are just a cosmic spec, no different from any other cosmic spec. Only difference is in substance and dimension. Unity comes from this, and is described with the French proverb Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose (the more it varies, the more it stays the same).
4). Awareness of an eternal energy. You are one with the source, and as such, play a never ending game of hide and seek with yourself.

He's also the one quoted as saying "if you get the message, hang up the phone." But I have a hard time with that one because it's easy to begin to forget over time if you don't have that visceral gut intuition about it. One of the things I've found profoundly interesting about Alan Watts is that all his psychedelic experiences seemed to have only supported things he already believed and had studied (Buddhism). In my opinion, that means he was born with a big advantage with these things.

I've never experienced the godhead itself, but I have experienced a more vague sense of unity with everything through a sense of all life and nature being one with myself.

Sounds like an incredible experience. Welcome back.

Nice read!


My question though lies in your last paragraph, my understanding seems to fall of here. You feel like doing DMT has been a waste of time and you simply wish youd never encountered/learned what you did from it? I feel like you said you learned all you had hoped to, which leads me to believe that you dont in fact think you wasted your time with it.

But what is the point that you feel you missed?

Some of my first really heavy experiences were like the godhead description. This was with bufotine/yopo and salvia.

I thought it was pretty upsetting too. But I was kind of brothered by the fact that I still felt pretty ho hum in reality after having apparently seeing the big secret.

I kept going with psychedelics and the spaces have trended towards being more and more populated.

I'm still afraid of the big mirror experience and have been very leery of jumping back in after a long break largely because of that. But when I look at it objectively, it appears as though those experiences were kind of 'new guy' territory, despite seeming very absolute at the time.

I think there is some truth to that perspective, but more truth to the well populated universe.

I've had similar thoughts after a couple trips, and ended up taking long breaks after both of them. In the end though DMT is calling me back. I'm not sure that I ever learn anything from it, actually it leaves me with many more questions than answers, however the occasional breakthrough helps me keep things in perspective. Really though, I'm just fascinated with exploring the outermost limits of consciousness and DMT has proven the most direct way for me to do that.

During the afterglow of a powerful experience (at least for me) everything seems all clear, like the body rebooted itself and sees the universe through virgin eyes. During this time I don't really ever think about smoking that much. Eventually though when this feeling starts to fade sometimes it is nice to have a reminder.

Do whatever feels right for you, but if you are anything like me your journeys with spice may not be over even if that's not the current plan.



I certainly enjoy my life as a human being with psychedelics playing a role in it. I don't think "being human" necessarily means never taking DMT, after all there are trace amounts of it in your body at any given time...

I've had quite a few experiences of the Godhead, my strongest being a year and some months back. We are magnificent beings, point blank. Life is magnificent, in all it's quirky, wrong, right, happy, sad moments. All is part of the same coin. Polarities merge, realizing when you break it all down its of the same 'flow' same 'substance'.

One flow, one awareness.

You will most likely be called back to the experience, after some time. It's like, once you've been deep on the other side, immersed, you sign your name on the dotted line, so to speak. Hyperspace now leaks through you, through the veil. You cant 'unsee', as a few have said here.

I feel your sentiment though regarding never doing it again and being content. After my one insanely strong experience last year, almost two years ago, i didnt feel the need to embark at any point for a good year or so. Thats how long integration 'can' take, even longer potentially.

much love,
tat

I can conclude that you will experience more later like the people above me is stating. Your body just need time to chew on it, and when you have mastered your new intentions you can start exploring again, that's how my body works. God luck!

This was my first white light experience. DMT has this theme about it where just when it has you thinking you know what's going on, it can turn the entire universe on its head.

It is starting to become a lot more dream like now, as is normal. But the information in general is something that will stay with me. What is even stranger is that i'm pretty sure I had it all worked out before psychedelics but I just wasn't confident enough to admit it to myself. With time I will probably be ready to jump back in but that leaves the question of where to next, should be fun finding out!



Ahh, Alan Watts, I shouldn't be surprised that someone on these boards shares the same love as me for him. I can say unequivocally that he is the best character I have ever played The idea of the never ending game of hide and seek with yourself is something that I shared with my friend after getting back and he looked astounded at the things I was saying, like everything made sense to him for the first time. We'd already talked about the universe having a personality and us being extensions of that. My friend is done with psychedelics as of that day, we both thought back to the same quote as well "if you get the message, hang up the phone", strange to see it here to but then again like I said to him, I don't believe in coincidence anymore.
Thanks Good to be back!



I felt at the time like it was a bit like that, I don't know if 'waste of time' is the right phrase now because I have experienced some incredible things and i'm thankful for that. The whole day after my experience I just felt like i'd let my curiosity get the better of me, like I wasn't living my life and playing the game properly, instead of getting fully involved with the experience of being alive, I had seen through it and realised that it was just a game and therefore defeating the object of it in the first place. Although now i've had time to reflect I could see that for some people like me this is maybe a necessary experience because without it I still wouldn't have been happy, I still would've had the feeling of longing for something more which led me down this path in the first place. Hope that makes some sort of sense
I don't regret experimenting with DMT now, it was just a feeling that I had at the time.



I know right? This is supposed to be the realisation that enlightened masters have and then you get there yourself and think "Oh, is that it?", I'm the same although in hindsight i'm not really sure how I expected my life to change. I guess as the saying goes "Before enlightenment - chop wood carry water, After enlightenment - chop wood carry water"
It's certainly going to be interesting to see where my experiences go from here, i'm still going to be taking time off from all psychedelics but I think DMT could actually be very interesting now, before it felt like an experience that I was just going along with and had no control over, now i've had a self realisation of sorts it will be interesting to see how entities interact with me, now that I know for sure that I am them and they are me.



Ahh the afterglow is certainly an amazing feeling, I described it to someone as being like looking up at the stars and feeling like they were winking back at you, like they just let you in on a big secret.
I had big plans before this experience, I was going to have a lot of experiences and write about them and then finish things up by living with a tribe for a few months where I would try ayahuasca a few times. I'm not sure where I stand on the whole project anymore, part of me feels like I would just be smoking for the sake of it and not for myself. I have to make some big decisions over the next few months.
I owe a lot to psychedelics for helping me to find this path, even if the majority of them have little effect on me anymore, it's very strange.
I think back to all those years ago, smoking ganja for the first time, watching Bill Hicks, his words rang so true even then and since then I have had so many experiences that have confirmed this to me.
"Today a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration, that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively, there is no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves. Heres Tom with the weather."



That's a beautiful description of it I had shivers reading that, you certainly have a gift for explanation.
I can definitely see the leakage in my day to day life already, it comes on at the most random times and i'll zone out for a while, causing people to ask if i'm alright.
It's so strange to me to think back to when I was a teenager about to embark of this journey, I could never have imagined back then the kind of world that we actually lived in, I took it all at face value and never even suspected that I might be wrong.
I'll have to wait and see when I feel ready for it again but it does feel more likely to me now that I will go and experience it again and that is only after a couple of days.
Thanks and much love to you too



Yeah I think my brain is integrating the experience all the time and will be okay again soon. I need to find out what my intentions for going back will be, maybe just for the sake of the experience and to see what happens now.
Thanks, maybe the 'God luck' bit was a simple spelling mistake but it definitely fits God luck to you too.

The most bizarre thing to come out of this for me has been a realisation that I did actually love someone that I let go a while back. I don't know if there's anyway of getting her back now but I guess that seems to be part of the game i'm playing here. I never used to believe in soulmates or anything like that but why after such a powerful experience did my mind immediately go to her? It was like the universe was showing me how lucky I was to be in existence at the same time as this person, weird considering the fact that i'll probably never see her again Anyway I don't want to rant about that on a DMT board haha.

Thanks for all your insights, they have certainly put mind straight about using the spice again at some point in the future, when i'm good and ready!

Hopefully then I may have a lot more left to experience, it certainly did feel like quite a climatic experience but like you said the next experience could turn everything on it's head. It's going to be interesting to see where things go from here.

oh man, ya i feel you. back in january, a friend of mine gave me a very large dose of LSD in liquid form before we headed out to a small warehouse underground type party. not exactly the best setting for that level of dose, but not terrible either. Anyway, ya, i definitely saw just about everyone in the room as incarnations of the same "divine" essence that i am of- a total "namaste" trip.
I could perceive this thread of golden light weaving its way through all of us, and then saw that crazy tangle of light without all the bodies and faces; i viewed the "source", you know? And as awesome and magical and mystical and life affirming as that must sound, I (or should i say "not I" ) was simultaneously aware that all the loneliness and fear and desperation inherent to the human race was also a product of this "source" refusing to shape up and snap out of its daydream and see itself for the majestic divine essence that it is.

up until that point, i had accumulated so much mystical "story" surrounding the various modes of psychedelic experience and what it means as far as connecting man's spirituality and the material world.....well it was pretty much all blown apart by this trip.

I got a long, hard, look at the godhead from atop my vantage point of lsd (which for me, does tend to be more cold, sober, and calculated than say, mushrooms), an experience which should have been accompanied by feeling of spiritual extacy - a joyus reverberation of sentient life, but instead i felt as though the prime driving force behind all existence was some mixture of loneliness, ennui, and despair; The longing for love, rather than love itself.

this experience left me in a funk for about a month.

ps. i had just dumped my gf of a yr about a week before the trip...maybe less. I wasnt particularly tore up over it, but it UNDOUBTEDLY colored this trip.

Your experience definitely resonates with me. I used to hear people talk about the idea of a singular consciousness existing through all of us and I was always fascinated by it but i'd just never really thought about the loneliness that the idea entails.
I feel ready to delve into DMT again now but I think the next time it will likely be a very different experience where I realise that all i'm doing is reconnecting with my true nature.

Good on you! No one likes a quitter!! ;P

But in all seriousness readiness can be everything or nothing with DMT it should always be a priority, going into a sensitive state while uneasy can be catastrophic.