So I guess over the last 3 or 4 years I have developed an addiction to recreational drugs of the stimulant vriety, and recently I have been feeling my soul cry out from the inside at what i am doing to myself. I am in my final year of studying and really need to concentrate, but it recently feels like literally something is stopping me from doing it. Everytime i sit down to do something, the door goes, or my phone rings. It literally feels like something external is distracting me. I had had enough and decided confront this feeling.

I went into the experience wanting to know where my motivation has gone and why I keep using recreational drugs. I have a loving family and girlfriend, and i dont consider myself to lead a particularly troubled life, so i dont know why i do this.

The visions came on slowly but surely, and the imagery was like nothing i have ever seen on dmt before. I wont even begin to try and explain it, but lets just say it was noticeably different from the usual vision scapes i see.

After all this had settled, it seemed to answer my question kinda. It showed me my behaviour from a third person perspective, and made me realise what a shit this addiction had made me become. I could see this behaviour wasn't me, and i questioned further as to why I use, or why i act this way.....

....then i encountered it. I big pulsating mass of flesh and organs. I knew straight away that this thing had "latched on" to me, and was using me or feeding off me somehow., and i got the distinct feeling that it had been controlling my behaviour. It expressed its dislike towards me and told me it was here to stay and wouldn't leave.

I felt so useless and pathetic. I couldn't articulate my words against it. I just said things like, "go away, leave this place, your not welcome here, and i don't like the way your making me behave.
It was stubborn and wouldnt go, and resisted my feeble attempts at pleading with it. I had the idea it was just a manifestation of myself, or my addiction, but there was definitley an alien like presence (gray aliens) accompanying this thing. My visions began to fade and I slowly came back to the room.

I took sometime to integrate what happened, and part of me felt relieved that I had got an answer. Could it be that i have something/entity attached to me, who is manipulating my thoughts and behaviour. Reading ths back it sounds like i am just making excuses for my addiction and dont wanna face the fact it just me.....but i have never had direct communication like this with another entity before on dmt.

The "thing" had told me it wasn't leaving, and i was worried it was still "attached" to me, so i decided to go back. I encountered it again. A similar thing to the first time. A big heaving mass of organic matter that was feeding off me and resisted any pleas to leave.

Then suddenly, the second aliens came. It was like they hijacked my thoughts and stopped them dead in their tracks. There were 2 or 3 bigger white aliens who seemed more intelligent than the "thing" from my previous encounter. I felt like they were watching/had the ability to control me from higher dimensions of existence.They vaguely communicated to me that I had been chosen for something. What? wasnt clear, but i felt a great deal of pressure and responsibility. As i tried to make sense of this, I began to come back down, and I left with the impression that these beings are always watching!!

I didnt wanna go back again. It was all rather much, and I felt a violated. How do i know what is really me anymore.

What the hell happened to me guys??
I'd like to say it's all in my head, and yes all experiences are subjective, but this was very real.
Im worried I have some kind of negative energy following, or a spiritual parasite if you will.
Im worried I am being watched by aliens. Im worried my thoughts are being manipulated, effecting my behaviour.

This was certainly a wake up call, and I certainly have more motivation to squash my addiction, as i think that the neagative energy that comes with addiction is maybe what is feeding this thing....but still, how will i know if its gone. I was completely unaware of it, and it was only because I asked in despair that it was revealed!!

Other than change my lifestyle habits, i really dont know what else to do here.

Has anyone else had an encounter like this or knows anything about parasites of the mind/alien encounters?
I would love to hear from you as i really dont know who else to talk to about this without sounding crazy.

Thankyou for reading.

A very interesting yet precarious situation you find yourself in (if I may say so myself).

To ask and find something revealed.. Yet it sounds like it's perhaps left you wondering if you are in a better or worse position for it.

Personally, I would go with better.. I would not want to attempt to offer advise on the more spiritual/metaphysical other plane aspects of what you are pondering but as per the change in lifestyle, I'd say think of it like a fractal.

Once one part of it changes, the rest flows and follows the change, eventually creating a new pattern.

Perhaps this new pattern will have a few less edges on which this parasitic mound can perch. Whether it's an aspect of self that finally requires shedding or something else, sounds like it's best got rid of regardless

Good luck man

Thanks for your words man. Appreciate it.
My head has been all over the place today. Like you said, i was happy to have gained an insight, but im not sure if i am any better off for knowing it.

Im still confused as to whether the parasite and the alien were separate or one and the same, but in any case, I think a lifestyle change can only be beneficial, and its the only thing i have any control over in this equation. I remember reading that parasites secrete something which makes the host crave what the parasite needs for sustenance....and if thats the case then maybe i can starve it.
As for the aliens! I guess i'll just see if they appear next time i journey (which wont be for a while i think)

Its funny you mentioned the fractal thing, because i began to wonder if this "thing" was a fractal reflection....i.e did i have it because i myself, was being parasitic towards others!! Something I shall be mindful to observe in light of recent events.

Anyway, its certainly made me want to make some changes, which is obviously a positive.
But im still left feeling a little worried, bewildered and confused.
It was kinda cool to have personal confirmation of these so called interdimentional beings though. Very perspective changing.

"you'll never be rid of me--I'm with you for life, mwahahahaha!"

Tiny little fiends will boast, make themselves sound all big and bad. I suspect it is boasting to make you afraid of it--because it is afraid of you.


You can beat this thing, I know you can.


really....i would consider devising a ritual. Perhaps something like this: draw the bugger out, break out your meth-gear....get the wee lil beastie excited....trick it into a light bulb (or whatever utensils the two of you have been using to get-off with.

Trap it inside the light-bulb.

Command it out of your life...
Quote:

I felt so useless and pathetic. I couldn't articulate my words against it. I just said things like, "go away, leave this place, your not welcome here, and i don't like the way your making me behave.


Those words "go away, you are not welcome here" I'd suggest using these words as a command. in a commanding voice, and without the "i don't like the way you are..." bit. Sounds whiny. YOU are the boss here.

After this, throw away all your gear and move on.

Whether the entity is a "real autonymous thing" or "merely in your head" is of little consequence, in my opinion. but if you were to devise a ritual anything like what I am talking about, then I would recommend suspending disbelief, at least for the duration of the work.


(disclaimer: I'm neither a doctor nor a witch doctor. the above is intended more as a vague general suggestion not a prescription nor diagnosis)

Thanks Doodazzle,

It did tell me quite firmly that it wasnt going anywhere, but as you said, I suspect its pulling out all the fear-mongering tricks in the book because it knows its been busted.

Thanks for the encouragement
I feel that with the right intentions and changes, this thing will go. Its not serving me, so Im not going to serve it anymore.

Im not adverse to conducting a ritual.I'll have to have a think about how to go about it, but thanks again for the suggestion.

Right on. you got this.

In a lucid dream just a week ago, an entity told me that I had to "get rid of that man". I said, "what man?". Immediately, I had a second "false awakening" into a separate lucid dream, and there he was, a man I'd never seen before sitting next to my bed. I think he got more surprised than I was that I was able to reach his realm and be aware of him. I told him to go away, but he took out a knife instead. This startled me only for half a second. I told him that I'm not afraid of him, and I grabbed him from his shirt, literally dragged him out of my apartment, and locked the door behind him. The key there was to have no fear.

The reason I'm mentioning this is because you might have to show the same fearless attitude to get rid of your entity. Try to "physically" grab him somehow and send it away. If you can't do it via DMT, meditation, or lucid dreaming, you might want to ask the help of a shaman, or an exorcist priest. If the alien entities come around again, then you tell them that you don't agree to this abusive behavior and that you want to be left alone. There might indeed be a soul agreement between your soul and them before you were born to be part of their experiments (some claim things like this). Well, break that agreement. This is like having a couple of humans telling the cow that tries to stray away from the field that "you were selected for your milk and your meat". Do you think the cow should go back to the field to be milked and slaughtered, just because these humans think they own the cow because of some contract they have saying that they own the cow? Just say NO. You're your own sovereign being. You're divine, as much as they are. As such, stand up to them. Investigate the situation and make it better for you. If they don't like it, big deal.

Now, let me switch gears from the metaphysical to the physical. I believe that you should fight to get detoxified and get rid of the addiction ASAP. Even if there's nothing as "aliens" and "entities" in reality, and all you saw during your DMT trip was nothing but your subconscious projecting your addiction situation, well, even in that case you'd still have to fight for your sovereignty. Get rid of the addiction, eat healthily, go out more to enjoy the sun, spend more time with your family & gf, and definitely start meditating so you can learn to control yourself more. Either way (or both ways) is a battle. Win it, because that's your life we're talking about!

Sound words there, Handel.

Soulman, you've got it rumbled. YOU are in charge now. Connect to the light and use love to heal. Hatred will get you nowhere, be fearless when handling the dark side!

Dietwise, how is your intake of essential fatty acids? Topping up on essential minerals through eating lots of fresh, green, pesticide-free leafy salad is also very helpful IME.

When planning rituals, maximise the use of different sense modalities - sounds, colours, shapes, scents - maybe you know all this?

Ayahuasca is a combination of Caapi (MAOI) along with the DMT. Caapi and other natural MAOIs are natural *antiparasitics*. They are purgatory--they induce a squeezing and release of things attached to you. This is on a physical level as well as spiritual. Both are connected, of course.

Maybe you want to look into ayahuasca--a kind of combination of the insight that DMT brings and the purging that the MAOI induces. You have seen the problem (DMT). Now you need to get rid of it (MAOI/Caapi).

Thank you everyone for all your kind words.
It's nice to be able to come on here for a soundboard with people who understand.

Handel, thank you for so concisely surmising my thoughts. Your last paragraph says it all. It sounds just like common sense when reading it back on paper i guess, but addictions can make you extremely myopic.
Your comments on alien "contracts" eerily resonated with something in the back of my mind. I remember they seemed to try and communicate the notion of some kind of trans dimensional agreement that spanned across many lifetimes. It was an unpleasant feeling as It filled me the a sense of duty that I did not want to carry out, and all my worries on this plane were rapidly dwarfed.

As concerning as it was at the time, I have decided not to waste anymore energy on wondering whether of not it was my own creation or something external to me. I just need to concentrate on taking the right steps forward.
Diet with supplemental adaptogens are high on the list.

Downwardsfromzero, I try to take fish oils regularly when I'm in the routine, and I just need to incorporate a dailyroutine for my other powered herbs......but you have to take 2-3g 2 or 3 times a day, and they taste horrible.
(I have brahmmi, ashwaghanda, St. John's wort, and reishi)
Ritualistically speaking, I've read that music in a certain octave can be helpful in cleansing. I have some palo santo I can burn. I also have some coloured led lights, but what colour would be best do you think? I remember the predominant colour of the prelude to the encounter was a purple/blue colour. Should I use something like this, or maybe something at the opposite end of the spectrum.?

Rhythm spring, I'm aware that ayahuasca is anti parasitic, and wondered if I should include it in my daily embibement of the other powered herbs that I mentioned?
It's funny you should mention that because the encounter occurred with changa....freebase sprinkled on fortified cappi leaf. It didn't give me enough nausea to purge, but I am almost certain that if I drunk aya, I would've purged this thing out.!

Thanks again everyone. I felt so alone and vulnerable after the experience, that these things had access to me completely unbeknownst to me....buts it's lovely to have the support and understanding of such a community.
My gratitude to everyone (including traveller for providing a space to make this happen)

I think Ayahuasca is generally meant to be drunk in a ceremony / session / journey, not as a daily supplement. Especially if you have a particular intention such as ridding yourself of a soul-sucker.

While i'm not in a position to agree or disagree, i think in the context of using ayahuasca to abstain from any sort of addiction, daily use might proof useful in that regard as a natural anti-depressant.

But yea.. Perhaps a purge! Good luck OP, I'm sure it will all go well for you if you try hard enough

It seems that all the advice you need has basically been said.

You can do this.

You wanted to see what was messing you up, and you have. Now you have to sack up and evict the squatter. As long as you quit your self-destructive habit and don't feed the parasite, it will wither and die or leave on its own. But you shouldn't be passive and wait. You should kick it in its fleshy arse.

As for the aliens and other issues you have, that might take some more work.

Ayahuasca is a fabulous tool for the purging and anti-parasitic work as well as unraveling the mysteries of your watchers. It wouldn't hurt you to add caapi to your diet... BUT remember that if you are taking an MAOI you can not just eat your normal food. There are plenty of herbs and foods that will not coexist with having your MAO inhibited.

No coffee or any stimulants whatsoever. If in doubt, don't take it. Spices can be bad news, and I am not entirely sure that your herbal supplements will be okay either. St. John's Wort is certainly a no no. As an SSRI, it could initiate Serotonin Syndrome if you were to take enough of it while inhibited.

I would follow some kind of dieta if you plan on working with Aya.

Anyway brother. You will succeed if you want to. This is yours to lose.

HSF

I have to thank you all again for your input.

The darkness of the experience has been looming, but just reading replies from you guys is really making me feel better. Thanks for all the support. To think i was alone in this was pretty absurd. You guys have been amazing.

I have just spent the last 3hrs putting my powdered herbs into capsules, so hopefully they are now more palatable, the healing can commence.

I would like to have an aya session where i can fully purge this thing, but unfortunately it will have to wait for a more convieninet time, as i have alot on atm.

In the mean time, a good fiend suggested that an ibogaine tincture can work wonders. 1 drop a day with a stated intention, at a sub-psychedelic dose is supposed to work wonders and have a very long lasting effect on account of its lipid solubility. Im excited to see its results as have heard nothing but good things about it.

This coupled with lifestyle changes and whatnot, will set me on the right path im sure.

HSF, thanks for the info. Im aware of the potential interactions of maois and certain dietry components. If i do include daily aya into my diet, i will be mindful of such things.


Rhythemspring....just to clarify, if i do take aya daily as a suppliment, it will be just the cappi brew (not including the dmt component) Ive read small daily doses like this are a very good antidepressant. Plus, b.cappi does have antiparasitic properties so i think it would be safe to use, especially if used properly with a stated intention.

Anyway, im begining to feel more positive about this thing everyday, and my gratitude goes out to all of you once again.
Much love