Hello everyone. I found this site a little over a couple of years ago and like many others, didn’t sign up. Please allow me to apologize in advance for the randomness… But if I take my time to pen this I’ll chicken out, so it’s post it now or never.

It’s been about 2 ½ years since my last travels. Where do I begin… Ah!

The Beginning
I learned about the Spirit Molecule a couple of years ago by pure accident; surfing the www. My curiosity went to another level – to the point of near obsession – and in less than a month, I successfully extracted the most enlightening flakes of white stuff I’ve ever seen.

First Attempt
Everything was perfect; I had my GVG, a torch lighter, a calm and relaxed setting… surely I would travel to hyperspace. But I didn’t. There was a loud hum and the ceiling was wavy, but no breakthrough. What I saw was just an outline of the side profile of a typical Egyptian person pointing. My initial thought was that it was probably something I saw on the discovery channel earlier.

Near Successful Breakthrough
Perhaps I experienced being stripped of my ego, can’t really recall specifics now… all I really remember is being cleansed. It’s hard to describe but I know that someone, or something was cleaning my body, my mind, my soul. I didn’t consider this a breakthrough, but a success nonetheless because my outlook on life from that point on was a greater sense of appreciation.

1st Breakthrough
Bypass all the colors and cool visuals…. Yes it’s amazing. I’m standing beside some entity and for some reason I don’t care to even look at it because I already knew who it was. The entity peeled back the sky (which happened to be below us) and presented a world to me – Presented. Strange. What was it telling me?

Three more Breakthroughs
The following might seem totally unbelievable, but this is what I really experienced. Honestly I don’t know what to think of it myself…

In one of my next breakthroughs, I was taken on a journey though my bloodline. Seriously? Royalty, Ancient Egypt? At this point, I don’t know if I’ve been reincarnated, or my heritage is truly that of the great Egyptian rulers. But from that moment, I knew why I’ve always felt different and removed from my troubled upbringing.

On another journey, I was sitting and holding something in my hand. I knew I was front and center of attention, but I didn’t look around – I didn’t care – I just wanted to see myself! All I got was a glimpse of my headgear, but I’m not sure how that’s possible since it was on my head. It wasn’t a crown, just a big pyramid shaped hat that was gold.

On another occasion, I was lying on my back floating (or being carried) through the streets a village. This time, I was able to see my legs and feet. They were sheathed in gold. I couldn’t tell if the material was cloth or metal; it could’ve very well been a molded coffin…. But I know I felt like I was being worshiped. I came out of that experience with a level of confidence I’ve never had. My days of low self-esteem were gone. I believed in myself, what I was capable of, and where I was going. I was healing. All my efforts weren't in vain after all.

More Left to the Imagination
From these experiences, I got the sense that I chose to be here. It was my choice to be born in poverty, my choice of when, who I’d be born to - I chose it all! I didn’t know (and still don’t) if I did it as a challenge, am being punished, or was sent to deliver a message… but what I do know is that I’ve beaten the odds. In terms of this world I’m successful – educated, a pocket full of platinum plastic, a luxury car, a home owner – all of which I worked so hard to attain, yet still being able to live and give selflessly.

Atmosphere Shift
My newly found esteem led me to new friends and I started behaving in ways I never did before. I knew this was a negative environment going in but it was fun! I was bullied damn near all my life (never really had friends), so I decided I was finally going to live life. Besides, we were all professionals and I dreamed of having this kind of lifestyle. Not to mention - I’m a goddess in the flesh and I control my tomorrow. My thoughts, my actions, my heart, speak the outcome into existence. What I didn’t count on was the level of influence everything around me had. It was strong and consuming. I had to receive more enlightenment for reassurance of who I was.

Take note that from my first journey to my last, the span of time was only a season, literally. Just a few months and I became a person I wouldn’t like. My heart wasn’t pure anymore. I had learned to be selfish.

Last Attempts
So I did a few things I consider to be immoral and I paid the ultimate price. My last few journeys were dark, bleak, and filled with shadows. The good entities were nowhere in sight; I couldn’t even feel their presence. I broke through but I wasn’t welcomed, and on every return I came out feeling dirty. My innocence was gone and I wasn’t sure I’d ever get it back. I didn’t want to be surrounded by pure evilness (that’s what it felt like), so I filed my spice away and haven’t looked back since.

Another Shift
Couple of years later and finally my inner self is getting back on track - promotions at work, bought my dream house, the list goes on and on. Then a few months ago, it all started to go downhill – my thoughts, my attitude, my finances, my life. My internal locus of control mindset knows who’s to blame… trying to be part of the crowd of a niche community. A concept that blew my mind, and now that the smoke has cleared, everyone’s gone except me. I’m left standing in the ruins I created and I can’t walk away. A hole so deep I can’t see (or I ignore) the light to even know how to climb out. A state of being devoid of happiness and no strength to pursue it. This doesn’t happen…

Should I begin my Travels again?
I need courage. Forgiveness perhaps? I’m lost and broken (all over again), and I need guidance that I trust no one to deliver. By any book this is supposed to be the best year of my life thus far, but it’s actually the worse. Everything I’ve done has been in preparation to live in this here and now but I’m tumbling and I can’t slow the momentum. Why elevate me and then throw me off the hilltop? Is this my karma? Can I be saved? If I chose this life, why do I feel like I have no control?

I must’ve imagined or misinterpreted my hyperspace journeys… But I suppose there’s really only one way to find out.

I can't help but wonder... Am I ready?

I think only you can truly answer this question. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed reading your story. Only you can decide when your ready. Listen to what your heart tells you, not someone's advice.

Keep a positive outlook and let love in and radiate it out!

To me, some of this makes A LOT of sense.

Like for instance the Ancient Egypt imagery. You may have an affinity with that specific vibe, that energy, that way of doing things and interpreting/navigating the world. Have you tried surrounding yourself with a little more imagery from that era, in RL? Or maybe study about how life was in Ancient Egypt? How their calendar and rituals organized their life around the year? Ceremonies, rituals, social structure?

I ask because I have something very similar with South America. The teas and foods I prefer, the psychedelics I feel drawn to, a lot of things from there speak to me way more than the things I grew up with here in Europe. Maybe we all have some power sources like that, some roots that come from beyond this one lifetime, and the ones from Ancient Egypt may be yours.

Also I've had some similar problems with confidence and bad vibes, in the sense that out there in the vision realms one sees a certain kind of beauty, perfection and order that then may be hard to actually implement and live here in the material realm, in RL, filled with spam and advertising an worries as it is. I've had that as well, and we all work with it as best we can, to integrate in practice what we've been shown out there.

My question is, have you tried longer trips? I mean not by smoking, but by orally ingesting? Either cacti or mushrooms or Ayahuasca, in ceremony? The difference being in the duration. I smoked DMT as well, and the vision told me to go to the Amazon, as I'll find there people and procedures that will allow for deeper contact. I didn't get there yet, but I did get to Ayahuasca ceremonies, and indeed the length of them allows a more in-depth sending and receiving of messages, healing and cleansing of your system for better results.

If you have no access to anything like that, then I'd set aside some time, every day or week, to just sit down create a nice space and clear your mind, and do this regularly until you feel that yes, NOW is the time to travel again. Try to do this with some regularity and persistence, as new messages may build on previous ones, and you're less likely to start following dark vibes again, if you have regular contact with the molecule

Your post, after all, isn't really a question. It's more of an expression. I hope it helped you.


Welcome to the nexus

The emotional heart has a battery pack which is often struggling for energy. We can do a lot of things to minimize the appearance of a random thought or "I" that will suddenly drain energy and also increase the possibility of transforming an impression from your environment into a positive emotional energy.

If you are ready, it is possible that many different things may help you as far as short-term preparation is concerned.

Burning Copal or Sage (i prefer copal) in the space is helpful to me. As someone else said, surround yourself with imagery that is emotional to you or that you like looking at (not necessarily egyptian)

Putting up art or having some flowers around

Read some poetry a short-while before departure (rilke, rumi, whitman, shakespeare for instance)

Smoalking harmala alkaloids beforehand could help to tap into an entheogenic head-space.

And most importantly relaxing into a deep silence, flowing into your own heartbeat, practice maintaining the circular rhythm between the heartbeat and the breath.


Other people have mentioned oral ROA, perhaps that is also worth considering? goodluck

Dear Friend,
I do feel that your touching cry "Am I ready?"
...is a superficial fear and a trap in disguise.
Let me put it otherwise:
In Essential Matters, we are Never Ready!
We are never ready to live, we are never ready to Die...
Our existential representative (our spoiled Ego) is an incompetent manager in our lives.
But still something hides deep inside us, in total serenity, and watches.
So:
The true question is not if I am ready. I am not.
The true (and unanswered question) is who am I???
Who is the one that Wanders?
Who is the one that Knows?
Who is the one that believes?
Who is the one that remembers?
Who is the one that thinks, feels, senses inside me?

Until this veil is lifted (with or without DMT),
I shall know I am the unworthy administrator of my own life.
So what's the fuzz?
If I would realize that I am lost, then there is a definite possibility of discovery.
After all: Nothing is Lost, nothing is Gained. All is One. Un-destructible.
So there's a way to go,
live each day as it comes
and dont fret about the next!
Cheers!
PS.
Now that I have done my psychotherapy standing by you as above,
it is perhaps time for you to try it as well.

Thanks for the kind words

I

Interesting.... I'll work on integrating Egyptian artifacts and such in my life.

I haven't tried longer trips, but have always wanted to I'm sure I'll try it some time or another. I haven't visited this site in a couple of years, so I have lots of catching up to do!

KNOW you were born worthy. Easier said than done, I still have work to do, but I believe this is what it takes to have full blown trips in confidence once again. I feel I've been through a similar journey.

Interesting reports by the way

Well said... You must recognize that I ask myself that question all the time. I'm sure it's the reason every time I blasted off I was more interested in me vice everything around me. I'm always seeking myself.

Thanks for the psychotherapy - I definitely intend to give back

Thank you for the tips. Yes, just getting it out... better yet - reading it actually reenforces my thought that I am ready. The few journeys that I've taken changed my perspective on life; I know now that I must integrate what I learn on the other side in my everyday - the system simply can't be cheated.

I'm glad that I finally decided to sign up and post on the Nexus. There's not too many places a person can share their thoughts and secrets without judgement.

I have sage... think I'll burn that tonight

In the back of my mind, I do KNOW I'm worthy. It's just hard for me to express it, if that makes any sense. I just can't seem to shake off the residual effects of the abuse and neglect I sustained throughout my life (all my childhood and most of my adulthood). When I say I beat the odds, I'm not just referring to worldly success; I'm still here! I read on the news all the time of someone who took their life after going through some of the things I experienced time and time again. I KNOW I'm strong... I KNOW I'm worthy... maybe I don't trust myself... maybe I haven't forgiven the one person who it matters the most to....ME.

I've seen the exact same thing in my life, in the sense that a good trip will dispel some self-doubts for a while (weeks or even months) but then it all gets back. This is (at least in my case) due to a lack of regularity in practice, of reconnecting to things that I find important.

In other words, smoking some DMT or taking something else, whenever one is already in need, or whenever the fancy strikes, that's a bit like flowing in the wind, pushed around by external events. It's like trying to work out only when you have back problems, as opposed to making a regular exercise routine, to keep in good shape and prevent problems from even showing up. Long term, success comes from a certain regularity, creating good habits to integrate the positive ideas we've seen in visions.

You should find that if you start dedicating a corner of your room or house for instance, to this kind of reconnection (meditation, relaxing on music, regular DMT use or other techniques) then that organized corner and time and space will reflect in more balance in your life as a whole. If you practice (alone or better yet with a group, regularly) then that will reinforce the good feelings about yourself, long term.

IMO it's just a matter of integrating the experiences better, deeper, more clearly. Putting your visions in art form, and on your walls. Wearing them as a tattoo or relevant jewelry. Repeating them daily, as religious people may repeat their prayers, rituals or devotional songs, to reinforce their faith. Not just once, but once every morning and evening for instance. Repeatedly, with discipline.

Things are starting to click together. I have hunches that I am cracking the code, then something discourages me. Then I stumble upon and reading something & my thoughts are confirmed. I really do believe I know something, and am getting closer.

What's funny too is the Egyptian Example. The same thing happens to me but with Italian heritage. It is absolutely insane, all of this comes together. Every time I try to share this with someone (few and far in between), I tell my story then to make them better understand I point out that for someone coming from say an Egyptian background, for them it would be visions pertaining to hieroglyphics or what have you. This is all the fuss of religion throughout our history - IT IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE! It is a projection of our mind, 'it' takes on whichever form is appropriate for you. It was as if they were my creators. I saw them in my carpets, I saw her in the trees. I saw distinct outlines, my jaw was to the floor, my body was convulsing. There was so much power coming from them, telepathic communications, showing me things. I was in hysterics sobbing saying over and over again "thank you, thank you". Gasping for my life.... and "I remember now, I remember now, I remember now." A lady that was wearing a cape/robe thing, she looked like Mother Mary. Holding a baby. Femine entity? Was it even an entity? What was this. Then there was a 'he'. A flowing beard, looked like Da Vinci. There is not a single day that has passed that I have not thought of this experience and the way it basically defied all logical explanation.

That feeling of memory restored is one of the chief reasons I periodically shake my psychic etch-a-sketch with entheogens. Such a tricky thing. One minute we remember, the next we are merely reminded of that which we can no longer name.