I wanted to write this post for SWIM for several reasons. First and foremost, as a thank you to everyone that is, was, or ever will be, part of the Nexus. Thanks to Terence McKenna for passing on knowledge that would ultimately be the single reason that SWIM came to the Nexus. It seems Terence passed from this physical space quite some time ago, yet he is STILL turning others on.
Let me jump to the point, if I may. You see, SWIM, in 1991, was browsing a record store for tapes (yes, cassettes) during the summer right after he graduated from high school. He came across a tape, The Grateful Dead - Skeletons from the Closet. He remembered a friend from high school mentioning them but that was about all of the exposure that he had. He didn't even know if these guys were even a band anymore. SWIM, at this point in life, was into music such as Motley Crue, Poison, Ozzy, but THIS....this unusual, strange, but yet melodically aromatic flavor of this tape was...well...different. Instantaneous appreciation. Fast forward a few months to December, and SWIM had his first hit of blotter. He was with his high school friends(?) and the weed didn't come through on a Friday night. SWIM's buddy(?) suggested the blotter. SWIM didn't have a clue about what it was, what it looked like, what it could do...nothing. But SWIM is cool, or so he thinks, and dives head first. Over the course of that long cold night, SWIM was mostly incoherent, embarrassed, and pretty much scared shitless. Over the next few months, SWIM tries it again, for what though, he isn't sure. Maybe his sub-conscious glimpsed something that night or maybe he just wanted to be cool like his friends. This is the point where SWIM became obsessed with being someone he wasn't.
About a month later, SWIM is driving and on the local radio station he hears the announcement…that the Grateful Dead will be in town in March for 3 nights. Tickets on sale. Man, he had no clue what this experience was going to be like. So he gets a ticket and heads to a venue where found some strange characters who were selling warm beer and cold pretzels. SWIM gets inside the venue early amidst the crowd that was Moo'ing as the doors opened. SWIM looks at the ticket, and somehow finds his seat. SWIM actually went to the seat on the ticket, because...that's what normal people do he thinks. Well, he and his friend's seats are on the upper tier, in back of the band. SWIM could care less, he is just soaking it in and taking note of the occasional characters who would stop by, sit down, and ask for a cigarette. And there was the girl with bells around her ankles as well.
Long story short, SWIM shortly thereafter decided that he needed to look like a Deadhead, act like a Deadhead, smell like a Deadhead, proclaim he was a Deadhead. He hoped that everyone around him believed his bullshit as much as he did. He spent the summer of 1993 going to a number of regional shows, at first enjoying the surroundings, but that soon gave way to much confusion. As his ego took a beating from the local clowns, his self-esteem dwindled, his sure-footed confidence gave way to the reality that he was not who he thought he was. In fact, he never had been, and worst of all, he worried he might never be.
Moving forward through the next 10 years or so, SWIM adventured here and there, always looking for some secret to come jumping out at him. It was very elusive, and he ultimately fought various addictions. He resigned to stay clean and did so for about 5 or 6 years. Little by little, he returned to being the "normal" person he had been prior to buying that cassette in the music store. At age 30 he even joined the military (not too good of a place for a pacifist). SWIM had all but forgotten the never ending quest for the secret(s), until a year ago.
SWIM was doing his routine, 30 minute commute, where he had gotten accustomed to listening to podcasts. Most of the podcasts were relevant to healing and therapy until for some reason it just popped into his head to search out a psychedelic podcast. Google spits back at him...the Psychedelic Salon. There was McKenna, explaining this...thing. Hit the nail on the head and was proof that he wasn't delusional. SWIM swished the ideas in his head for a few months, maybe more, then he procured, extracted, and for the first time, closed his eyes to see.
SWIM told me he feels good to let this story air. After all that, the learning just begins. Thank you from SWIM.
