So I've been dealing with depression for 15 years, the past few years were extremely horrible. Went from having good job, money in the bank, to absolutely nothing. On the verge of suicide I tried my first psychedelic experience with mushrooms, and in one day it changed my entire life.

I was able to get back into seeing the joy of life, managed to get rid of things/crappy friends and other nuances. Materialism was slowly going away from me. Still struggling a bit,but much better now and my outlook on life is slowly changing for the better..

THEN.........

One night I took LSD...I've never experienced the world the way I did that night. My way of thinking was vastly different. Going back to work the following week I noticed that I was wasting my life on stuff I wasn't happy doing..Day by day it was growing on me.

THEN...DMT....

Then the DMT breakthrough finally came. That night..life changing once again. 3 days of my head in scrambles, just with the non-stop questioning of everything. It was the nail in the coffin at my job now. I know it's not what I want to do, all I can say is that it's my job to make sure sugar looks cool to consume. It's been over a month now and I can't figure out the solution to my problem.

I know I need to do a different thing in life, but I can't figure out what to look into. Nor do I feel like I am even smart enough. While I still don't consider this a negative side to Psych's, it is very aggravating not being able to find a passion that I love or think I'm capbable of doing.

Has anyone else been in this predicament ?




***I know some people would prob say go see a psych, I've done that before, it's just "GO AND DO IT!", here's some pills, and repeat". While I am stuck in this depression, there is no way I'd endanger my life or someone else's. After the DMT breakthroughs, suicide is not even a thought of mine anymore.***

Are you sure you don't know what to do? If you try to meditate, does the answer come to you?

For example, in all my years I thought I wanted to be a computer programmer, but there was always a small voice inside me telling me that I was pretty good at drawing as a kid, compared to other kids, so maybe art was the way to go. At my 38 years old, I left behind the tech world completely and became an artist. I'm not the best artist in the world, neither I will ever be, but that's the only thing that makes me happy. Before that, I thought that no job could never make me happy, I was thinking of jobs as something we had to do to make money. I loathed them all, even when I had an objectively "good job". They were chores for me. Not so with art.

I was having this same conversation with someone else in a similar predicament just yesterday. It's difficult... if you throw it all out the window and start off into the great unknown, there's the question of how you pay the bills until you're an established whatever-you-end-up-being (short of leaving behind society altogether and setting up residence on a mountainside / wilderness of your choice). If you're still not sure what kind of direction to explore, perhaps a good bet is to hang on to what you have for the time being, and meanwhile experiment, dabble, mess around, read, try stuff out, see what sticks... I mean, you've stuck it out this long.

I've actually tried meditating but still no luck. So far at least I have the direction from it that I just want to figure out something in a good way to help change things in this world/society.

I'm guessing I need to do loads more research in job fields. Especially since right now is a bit scary with economic times and whatnot. It's just an everyday battle, even when I'm out with my friends I can't even enjoy it cause all I can think about is what to do for a job and whatnot..

start a garden, and help terraform the planet.

it may not work for you, but it worked for me, so it might be worth trying.

What is your best skill?

There is many things you could do, both for a living and/or to overcome your depression

Psychedelics (especially aya or mushrooms) can do wonders for depression but they work best when used in combination with other approaches to re-balancing your life, so things like yoga, meditation, clean diet, more water (most people are dehydrated IMO), exercise, time in nature, etc..

I wouldn't quit your job just yet unless you have enough to get by until you find a new one. There is plenty of jobs out there that you might actually enjoy to do while in the meantime you try and create a path where you can support yourself doing something you love with the skills that you have (or are soon to discover).

Best of luck. I know how shitty things can seem, but if you have your heart in the right place and put in some effort things tend to just fall into place over time.

The garden thing I like. I will probably be doing that next time the weather rolls around.

Mushrooms are the best since they def helped turn my life around. I have a pretty good diet especially since I was forced to eat better due to stomach problems .

My best skill is design and photography. But the past few months I haven't been feeling as creative. But with some of these breakthroughs I really feel like painting some of the stuff I see..so maybe I should look more into painting, that may help some of the stress.hhm...

Hey Gianluca, I went through something a bit similar to yours post a very intense Salvia experience. It's something that makes you realize the more important things in life. In fact, I'd go as far to say that it slaps your subconscious in to an awakening and shows you the real face of life around you. For me, it was almost an enlightening experience as it made me care much more for myself (quit drinking and smoking), started exercising, lost 23 kgs, got lean and fit, became extremely close to nature and everything that exists in nature. Quit my job of 13 years as and advertising professional and i'm on my way to write my first book. Trust me bro, although it might seem intense, confusing and scary, your mind has shown you a path. It might feel difficult but have faith and follow your heart from now on. Deep inside you have awakened to an amazing reality. Just have faith in your own self

Well I would say take the fact that you are into design and photography and find out all the different things you could do that involve that as a career.

You can pretty much branch that out in so many ways it's not funny.

I find it best not to ask myself what job I want to have to make money, but what HOBBY I want to have to make money. I struggled for a while thinking I needed to WORK for a living. I finally realized that if I stopped seperating the two my career choice was quite obvious. Think about it.

Yea, your right. Even though I am good at design/photography, I've always loved doing it for myself rather than $$$..

But today I did start looking for non-profits and green technology jobs around the area. No luck so far, but I think I'm going to look more into those sectors for now, maybe get my foot in the door somewhere, but we shall see!

Even though my #1 thing would be to get into drug policy, but it seems like that field is stretched very thin.

Don't try and solve big problems like "what should I do for a living", but rather integrate what you learn on psychedelics into your attitude towards little things in your daily life. Instead of criticizing something or feeling bad about it, look at where that feeling is coming from. Everything has a cause and an effect. Find the cause, control the effect.

Clue: The cause is in your mind.

I, for one, would not necessarily recommend seeing a psychiatrist - the system of western medicine and Freudian psychoanalytics (and its spawn, ie. modern psychology) does not present a solution for "depression" and "psychosis". A system that is built within the pathological dissatisfaction in our society will never help you break out of its circle. Neither will research chemicals (ie. medication).

But certainly, if you are not satisfied with what you are doing, look for work in a different area. You might have infinite reincarnations, but why waste them doing something you hate?

I send you my support,
The Chairman

P.S. As far as drug policy activism is concerned, there are so many ways. Tell people about the psychotherapeutic benefits of entheogens like LSD, Aya, Psilocybin and Mescaline. Study up, share your knowledge on the internet - people need to be informed correctly, dangerous myths need to be eradicated. Advocate responsible use - read up on the guild of guides. Tell people about set and setting, etc.