I'm still processing this experience from a few nights back. It was certainly the most impact-full experience with the spice that I've had. As is always the case, it is impossible to put into words what I witnessed. Here is the entry from my journal:

I had just had a long conversation with a friend that has moved out of the area and I had 3 or 4 beers over the course of the evening. I emptied the yellow vile into the GVG without weighing it (it might have been as much as 40mg) (I NEVER do this.) Upon activating it was an obviously large hit I don’t really remember the ramp up; it was fast and furious. There was some vision of family and secrets were no longer secret. I was judged and immediately consequences were rendered. This part is vague and the details are faint; but the theme is as I've described. I was thrust into a space that was cosmic in nature and obviously eternal and I was alone. There was no possibility of changing my fate and every ounce of my being was completely convinced that I would forever be alone in this place. I repeat, every ounce of my being believed this was forever and there was no hope of changing this fate. This was eternal and my soul cried. The pain and fear were not frantic but rather I was simply accepting with great sorrow that this was the end and that it would never end.

Alone forever.

It’s somewhat like Grahm Hancock described; judged and fate sealed.

I remember curling into a fetal position, though I had no connection to my body, and having deep regret and sorrow. There was a slight shift and colors became more vidid and there was mockery coming at me which made me more sad and regretful all the while fully accepting there was no way out and the gravity of eternity sank in. The elves came but for me they are more like demented clowns. They were laughing at my realization. I can’t say how long it seemed like I was in this place but the possibility of escape was non-existent. I was in sheer horror.

The gravity of "forever" seemed so huge and horrifying.

I involuntarily opened my eyes and slowly realized I was in my garage. I said, “Oh my GOD!” I nearly cried with joy to realize I was back. I was trembling and continued to do so until I got into bed and drifted off to sleep. Incredibly rattled by this experience.


After a few more days; I'm still somewhat rattled and I have flashes of emotional memory. During this experience it never occurred to me that it might not be real or that I had any ability to alter the circumstance whatsoever. When I came around I was so incredibly surprised...and relieved.

I'm still not sure what to do with it, what to think about it, what it means.

I've always hoped that there was more to it than what we experience on earth but I have a new perspective on eternal and it worries me a bit now.

It is the first frightening journey I've had with spice. I'm stunned by it. Probably have a renewed respect for it but I don't harbor any resentment and won't shy away from the tool in the future.

Thoughts?

reminds me of my previous journey to hyperspace , i also felt being their forever yet i was'nt sad or crying , infact i was terrified that i might have to stay there forever

i have to say my experience was a bit more positive , yet as terrance mckenna said if you don't think its "too much" then you have'nt done enough ,

atleast feel better about the fact that you did enough and got to know hyperspace a little better

This, IMO is what led to that experience. I had my own terrifying experience after a few beers and an unweighed dose. One of the most terrifying things I have experienced, for sure. I got the distinct impression that it is not happy being used in this manner. You will get over it, and your respect for the molecule will increase exponentially. It's all part of the learning curve, and tough experiences are bound to happen from time to time. DMT needs to be approached with utmost caution and respect

Purges, I agree with you. 2 careless decisions; alcohol and non-measured dosage.

I'm sure it's not the last lesson I have to learn but it is the only time I need to learn THAT lesson!

Over 3 months have gone by and I've still not been called back to the spice. There is a fear that doesn't seem wise to journey with though it may finally be diminishing.

Perhaps before too much longer.....

I feel you man , I had one a few years ago that rattled
Me to my core . I still don't understand these feelings
That seem to go along with these kinds of catastrophic experiences .
That you will remain in this place or state forever .
That you've crossed some kind of line, and this feeling of permanence .
It's absolutely terrifying . It took me a long to time to integrate and eventually
Get the nerve to go back .