Wow, welcome man, you are at a good place, full of good people. While never part of the gangster lifestyle, I also led a crazy life. A heroin addict and criminal for over twenty years, never done prison time, but in and out of county jails.
Over that now.
I began an earnest study of the subjects you mentioned, the corpus esoterica of the west, and within a year, the spice find me. The experiences affixed me to the Tree of Life, and solidified a spiritual foundation from which I have been able to heal my addiction, emotionally as well a physically, and put me on a path of love, redemption, and growth a an effective human being.
Noone else prolly sees it, but if I go back and read my first posts and compare them to my mite recent ones, the growth is apparent.
And as far a thus community, I've said it before, I'll say it again, and again, I love these people, they saved my life.
So, welcome man, you are very welcomed here. Your post stirred my heart with the redemptive power of the universal love.
Thank you for being here.
Sine experientia nihil sufficienter sciri potest -Roger Bacon
*γνῶθι σεαυτόν*