Hey guys, how's it going?

I came in here because I am at war with my mind over a couple things I can't seem to come to conclusion on. I thought I could get some support here. I have not posted here or on any forum in quite some time, but I thought it might help to get others thoughts on this.

Here is my dilemma.

To start, I've been about 6 months clean from heroin. Just got out of rehab a week ago. But I have to be honest, the only reason I went to rehab was because my mom sent me there, and I figured it could be good because I was pretty badly addicted to heroin. But I ask myself, am I 6 months clean because I don't want to do heroin anymore? The truth is no...I still think about it and yes I would like to do it....how can I say I wouldn't?

Also, cigarettes....I love to smoke, and I know I'm addicted to them but I feel like I would be lying to myself day in and day out if I was to say "I don't want to smoke a cigarette, or I don't want to use heroin"...

Eckhart Tolle and a few other Spiritual Guides always say the same thing, that You are not your addiction. It is only your ego that craves these things, not who you truly are.
But I can't seem to figure that out. How can I just stop craving these things? They are both so satisfying and I love them, I honestly would be lying if I said I didn't want them in my life...

I just can't seem to figure out addiction, it's such a bitch. It's like the devil in disguise, and man does he put up a big battle. If anyone has any comments on this or advice from their own experience, I would REALLY appreciate it. I'm feeling kinda lost right now, and at the point of accepting my addictions and just not doing anything about it, and something deep down tells me that's not a good idea. I feel like I'm at spiritual warfare right now and the darkness is winning if I let it...but I can't seem to find the power to fight back.

Thank's guys, I appreciate you reading this and any comments you have.

- Mike

Have you ever looked into a hobby?

Go join a gym. Get your body in better shape, should make you feel better as well.

Having stuff that takes up your time may be a way to get your mind off your addiction.

I do not agree with Eckhart Tolle in the case of heroin addiction. It is not just your ego that craves, it is your physical body that is dependant aswell. Which can generate triggers through sight, sound and smell.

It may take time for you to shake your desire for heroin but there has to be a part of you that wants to stop. You have 6 months under your belt of being clean, why put that to waste? Not to mention the cash that your mother may have paid for your re-hab. You are in a very lucky position at the moment. The other path will more than likely lead to a lifetime of regret. If you come out of it unscathed. I know that the desire to get high can far outweigh the negatives such as hepatitis, hiv, constipation, death and so on.
Maybe your mum will stump up for re-hab a few more times before it all goes completely to shit. In your position it is very difficult to understand how parents feel when you are being overpowered by an addiction like that.

If you want heroin that much why not ask a doctor about further medication that will help with this untill you feel strong enough to go without.

I also agree with Gianluca about some sort of excersise regime. Get those endorphins released by natural means. One time, when i gave up heroin, i would put my favourite music on every morning and do aerobics with my stepdaughter. It was very uplifting for the two of us and it helped us bond.

I wish you luck, but just remember that you are in the beneficial position of being clean at the moment. Some people would give their right arm for that. Take advantage of it.

I would say continue smoking cigarettes. It will be more difficult to stay off heroin if your also stressed out from not smoking cigarettes. It's also difficult and less likely for you to abstain from cigs when you really don't want to quit.

As far as the heroin, I really hope you find the strength and desire to stay away. Find a really good reason or a couple to stay clean. This might seem difficult for some, but there are many. I wished I had never gotten into pills it really did change my body chemistry permanently, for the bad.

Stay away from triggers. Disassociate yourself with people and places that may influence you to relapse. I beg you, please stick with it. You will find more pleasure in sobriety once you acclimate yourself.

There's also the part of you that may never fully let go. Be strong and I wish the best for you.

I think the crux of the matter can be found in this quote.Heroin addiction is a multi-faceted beast and it requires some important psychological preparation to shed the warm blanket it provides for good.Many users periodically feel a need to simply take a break from it rather than eliminate it from their lives fully and the reasons for this do vary, ranging from legal problems, financial issues or just to reset the tolerance.It is not a static condition being opiate dependant hence the immediate degree of damage it does can be seen in the eyes of the addict as an acceptable price, or a valid trade-off.

The psychology of the condition goes some way to explaining why an addict who is forced to detox (eg banged up for a week), or in some ways has not firmly made the choice themselves, will relapse at the first given opportunity.To the outsider, the man released from his week inside is now 'cured'; why would he be so stupid as to take up his use again? Its incomprehensible to all but those who have been there.

IME, one needs to find a valid reason NOT to indulge, one which outweighs the ( often self-indulgent) reasons to continue;for this to occur you need to want to be well for yourself and deal with the reality that life when not opiated and high is not going to be as good as being there.And that is the case in the early part of being free of opiates.But with time the freedom that comes from not needing to use (and it occupying ones thoughts incessantly) will change this perception (for most anyway).Instead of living in suspended animation with heroin, the joys and trials that life presents will have to be faced and many addicts cannot imagine themselves equipped for this.Opiates do make one less resilient in the face of stressors but this is not a permanent condition.

There is no easy way out of an opiate habit."Accepting your addiction" and getting on to methadone/subs is not something to be taken lightly as the potential hazards of this approach need weighing up carefully.

I used to iv heroin daily. I love opiates, but it's not worth indulging in it. I used kratom to quit.

I'm now learning to appreciate the "little things" in life, along with keeping focused on hobbies, working out, eating a better diet and getting healthy, and spending time with family.

"Where attention goes, energy flows".

Fixate your attention on that which nurtures love, awareness, and spirit instead of getting your next fix.

The craving will soon die off if not fed.

I think that while there certainly is a physical aspect of the addiction, the ego part is right, too - and so it stands that if the ego has strong mental, emotional, etc connections to the experience/addiction/reasons for addiction, then transforming the ego could be of huge help, right?

I've heard many good things about ayahuasca being used for hard drug addictions, and I think this has something to do with it.

Imagine - the chemistry between you and, say, a romantic partner is similar to the chemistry between baking soda and vinegar - it foams and fizzes and reacts for a while - then it's over. The partners get bored and want new things. Their initial reaction with each other is over, and not only that, but the relationship they had together actually changed their individual composition so that they are now neutral to each other - no more fizzing - so they're ready to find new partners that will react strongly with their 'new' chemical makeup.

But if they just stay together, they're going to need to find other ways to feel the fizzing and foaming - they may use TV, drugs, food, partners on the side, etc - but they remain stuck in that chemical equation with their old partner, and so the ego - their chemical composition - remains largely unchanged and so they keep needing to find new things, or just surrender and accept a boring sedentary life, like many married couples end up doing.

But if an ego is constantly being reshaped, reformed, developed, torn down and rebuilt, transformed, etc etc etc - which involves a connection to source between all tear-downs and rebuilds - it can do wonders for rejuvenating one's experience of life and desire to break old patterns and experience new things, become a new person that can feed ravenously off of new, healthy things, rather than sticking with one strong form of explosive energy because the ego knows nothing else will do, all the while ultimately limiting you.

And I think psychedelics in general are good at helping with this - they can tear your ego down and break away the old patterns, grooves, ridges, and leave you with a fresh new slate.

Obviously not all experiences of this nature transform someone's life...but I think it's a valid method that definitely works for some...whether or not my perception of how/why it works is anywhere near accurate. I think the way in which it's done can have a big part in it...for example, doing it in the living room where you are always at and hoping for drastic change and transformation probably isn't going to be as effective as removing yourself from your regular habits, routine, places, etc - taking yourself out of your comfort zone - and then doing it. I think this would be much more powerful/hold much more potential.

And I think that a very important thing to note here is that you have to want to do it - OR - acknowledge that you don't want to do it and just use your willpower to STILL go through with it, knowing that just because your ego doesn't want to change doesn't mean that you can't still take the wheel and steer your whole self towards a healthier life by ignoring the cries of the ego and charging forward in a new direction - eventually, through this, your ego will change and develop new thirsts/hungers.

Best wishes to you - I know nothing about heroin addiction; these are just some thoughts that your post sparked so I wanted to share. Much love.

the immediate question that springs to mind is; now you're clean, do you find it hard to relax naturally, without any "help"? i think giving up is great but unless you return to your body, the intelligence it has lost through being abused, it will always crave something to make up for it. a physically intelligent body shouldn't crave anything. it might do something for fun, enjoy it, and then continue it till it can't smile/relax without it and then its gone.

like the hobbies idea, defo look into that. tai chi is excellent at returning physical intelligence. all the best with it

Over five years down the line. How's it shaping up, eh?