I am lost and struggling to breath
As I recede into myself I do not reach for another but you.
You who are not there, and why?
Because you don't care and why should you, you used to?
It's tiring to care and you're strung out.
And what am I?
I should care for myself.

I should care for myself but fall into destruction with pleasure.
The delight of showing you I need you.
Look, this is what I do I'm drowning,
But you can't even see so who is the display for?
Myself?
Proving to myself that I need you.
This lie is strong, and its behavior reflexive.

You were like a mother.
I don't need you.
I don't need you, I don't need you!
I don't need not to need you and yet,
What am I doing?
Taking time.
I'm taking time to
I'm taking time to half stutter a picture in words.
I won't need you when I don't need to not need you.
I'll know as I won't hate you.
I won't hate myself.

What is this charade?
Amusing?
Confusing?

And what of this feeling?
This feeling that dives me.
That drives me to cover with language, create stories in reason.
Prying too deeply with the wrong tools, whats to know, just feel the feeling.
Let it move you as it takes you.
You've stopped trying to write a poem and are just talking to yourself.