I've started to notice that throughout my last three trips they all take on this tone of a gift or birth or rather a bit of both. There is always this sense as though I understand something that the majority of people seem to miss. I tend to feel as though I am in this pit (I think reminiscant of knowing something most don't know)(Could also just be b/c I usually feel deadened to life) and that friends and others find me there and that it is like a Birth or coming of age kind of thing. The space seems to synchronize to my mental and emotional state. In this space I feel like all my thoughts I have are already known like this presence already knows how I will handle it. Everything feels recorded in that place and keeping in mind the feeling that my thoughts and reactions are already known. I end up going through a bit of denial like no I haven't really figured anything out but there is a realization that the statement is false and that I am tapping into something here. Even watching the process to realization unfold is a strange way to be.
There is a feeling that what I am opening up to is something truelly great. But I can't seem to speed up or slow down my getting there so I decide to just take it slow and at the pace that seems presented to me. I feel as though all of time has somehow been squeezed into the creating of this one experience. I usually come out of the Birth experience feeling disoriented not really sure how to proceed feeling like when will I wake up.

Slowly remembering more of it but what is emphasised through my experience is that the psychedelic experience which generally might last 8 hours takes backstage to what is welling up within me. The way I see it is there is our physical Birth, then the Psychedelic experience is an entirely new experience which tend to bring profound realizations, but yet I feel like this is another birth and that life is like the build up to one of our psychedelic experiences. You know how you tend to wait I don't know 30 mins to an hour or w/e. Well the way my experience is emphasised is that there is yet another stage almost like life is a psychedelic experience of it's own. And that the build up tends too take longer in relation to the time we have here and such. I feel like I have stumbled onto a gold mine here and the anticipation is killing me lol.

What's is it that you understand?



Do you mean you're depressed?



Is this your general mental and emotional state in this reality or when you're away on a journey?



What do you think you're tapping into?

It's hard to explain but ultimately it comes down too self realization. (I am You and You are Me). One Consciousness and all that.
As far as being deadened I mean indifferent and not really feeling life. It's not that I don't care at all because I do very much I just can't feel. The experiences help me to at least tap into it seems like feeling is slowly coming back just not as fast as I would like. And it is my general state though what I am shown often lends hope it would seem, whatever the reason for my indifference, confusion and such psychedelics at least help to bring some feelings to the forefront. (I in no way abuse psychedelics so I'm good on that).
When I say I am tapping into something I feel like the experiences emphasise a Birth of sorts spanning three trips now same place everytime. But everyone goes a little further into it. But I noticed that they are emphasising this buildup of sorts the kind you would have before a psychedelic kicks in but this reflects the buildup to life in a sense. It's like it follows my every move (thought and feeling wise) then a subsequent disorientation that's when I come out of the trip.

I believe this too. The reason behind my belief is that I have been stripped of my ego a few times. When you have no ego you simply exist. There isn't any baggage from this life to deal with. Makes you wonder how different you are from everyone else when all of our egos are stripped away and all of the baggage goes bye-bye. Not so different anymore when you simply exist. Makes you wonder if a monkey, dog, or fly simply existed right next to you simply existing with no ego how different you all would seem. Not so different anymore. I really believe we are ALL the same. Any bit of life from a one celled organism to myself is the same. Existence is existence. It's a powerful realization and one that could be hard to grasp without a powerful experience.



When I was much younger... ugh... I fell old. Anyway, I went through this for about a year and a half. It was an extremely difficult time in my life. Not being able to "feel" and the want to feel is actually a feeling though... although, a very hollow one. It really is because I can remember exactly what it felt like!

DO NOT DO THIS! But, I was so fed up with this what I thought was an "inability" to feel that I took all of my antidepressant medication at once. I became so scared that I was going to OD somehow about 10 minutes or so after I took it all. Obviously, I survived.

After that though things seemed to mellow out. I think a lot of it had to do with me falling in love with a girl I met. Really, love is the greatest thing in the world...



I'll tell you what dude... DMT has given me some of the, if not the most, intense feelings of my life. Absolutely beautiful and completely breath taking at times... absolutely just "Holy sh*t what did I get my self into..." at other times.

Be careful what you wish for

Sounds a bit normal to me, people who venture into this deep end of the psychedelic pool, tend to go through a period of depersonalization. What your describing sounds like how I felt when I went through it.

It takes an open mind and time to work through the changes that can happen.

Proceed with caution and an open mind. The insights can be profound and paradoxal.

Sometimes.... to me, it feels like straddling worlds and finding harmony is the key.

Keep us updated.

A friend of mine who is actually very intelligent about the use of these substances offered to let me do some DMT so I might get to do that sometime here in the future. Not sure when though.

Ah, yeah didn't think of it that way. I thought Psytherion sounded depressed. Maybe searching for a way out of a depressed state through DMT use could be useful or maybe not. My perspective is having not felt anything for a while and then getting an experience full of extremely intense feelings could be a bit of a shock. Who knows it could shock your feelings back to life though.

Good luck all the same!

okay, I assumed you were already using DMT. Curious now, how are you tripping?

Shrooms: I Went through an experience with the Old Testament God Archetype I was told I would go to hell and I was basically ready for w/e so I went through it though to my surprise what came after was a sort of thank you from everyone in my mind, that's the short version. And about a month later came Self Realization and basically feeling as though I was completely lucid to waking Life much more depth to everything and Unconditional Love(beginnings of my journey)

I've tried mescaline mostly just a body high.

Recently LSD and Mescaline: Emphasises a Birth sequence which I experienced once or twice before seems to take a good amount of time to fully awaken.

2ce and 2ci: Also brought me to the same place always feels like the world is changing in a huge way but the birth sequence seems almost like it reflects life's version of the comeup on a drug. Is the world changing just supposed to reflect that I am changing, at least that is how I take it. It feels like their is a massive shift like it is happening now during the experience as though the world somehow synchronises. Prolly just reflective of my inner world or something or is the inner world more our inner world. I can't really decide

You should really

The pit experience is rather strange it almost seems like everyone shows up to sort of cheer you on wake you up or something. The Birth experience seems like it will take a long time is that how it is for everybody? Obviously going through the Birth experience seems to be the most profound experience it least thus far in my endeavors.

So I was thinking maybe I could put my trip report on here as well but thought I would like to start out by saying a little about myself first so here it goes.

I was brought up in a Christian family basically told my whole life that there was this battle between God and the Devil (Don't worry I don't follow it anymore I'm more of a panentheist). Anyways I never really agreed with it because I always thought well no matter what people did they shouldn't spend an eternity in hell or what not. All are worthy of forgiveness to me though I don't think that means that if someone does something horribly wrong their shouldn't be repercussions. In a way if I looked at Jesus at all it was more a kin to how Buddhists see Buddha. Someone to look up to maybe aspire to do something akin to helping others (though now adays I find that I was ignoreing myself a bit too much more focus on helping others leaving myself in the dust sorta speak). {Balance is key} I always thought and surprisingly even told my Father numerous times that I would gladly go to hell because well it was just outright wrong what was put forth by this Old Testament God (Looking in Gnosticism I found they saw him as the Demiurge akin to the Devil that I found out later after my mother passed)(also False Creator). I thought I would spend an eternity in hell with my brothers and sisters rather than live enslaved. Not fully realizing in the future I would go through a psychedelic experience akin to the crucifixion.

Eventually My Grandmother on my Mothers side passed away which was devastating to me. It happened while I was in I believe Elementary School. As time passed I began looking into philosophy big time often wondering could we all just be living a dream? Stuck with me a long time and even to the present day. Anyways prolly when I was around age 20 working at Fedex 4am-8am one of my coworkers showed up and said my Sister and her husband were waiting at the entrance. When I got there she was crying and saying that our Mother (who had cancer) was in the ER or is it the ICU anyways she wasn't doing good. I got with the two of them and my Father to run over to Sloan Kettering Hospital in New York City, prolly an hour into the drive we got a call from the hospital saying that the machines were all that was keeping her alive. I was still in shock couldn't really believe it. When we got there we said our goodbyes and I told a few of my really good friends about it over the phone and they offered to help me through it (Great to hear others got your back).

As time went on maybe 4-5 months later the reality of it hit me hard while I was at a family gathering. I was playing football with my brother, cousins and other family members and friends. After we got done the thought came into my mind that hey I'll go talk to my Mother obviously she was gone and that hit me like a ton of bricks. For a long time I went through severe Depression often times thought of ending it there. When I think about it if my brother hadn't talked with me as much as he did I may not be here today. He was in the marines so I didn't see him that much but once in awhile he would stop by for a weekend or 3-4 days. My father I felt like got remarried rather quick not because he's a cheat or anything I think that is just how he dealt with his wifes death. I actually hated him for a long time because at the time I felt like he wasn't there for me (I know now that he had to deal with his own issues and likely didn't know how to approach me).

Probably around 23 I started experimenting with psychedelics and marijuana One day I decided to take Shrooms.

I took it with 2 friends of mine and the ones girlfriend he was staying with. As the drug started to comeup I decided to go up to the bathroom and take a look at the mirror. Doing so I saw pixelization which I think later helped me to go inside. anyways my two friends came up and were worried asking if I was okay. I told them I was fine though they would keep asking me like are you sure? After we went downstairs and they wanted to take a hit from the gasmask for marijuana. I wasn't really sure about doing it at the time but decided to go with it (I was a little more susceptible to peer pressure then) As I did so everything I saw around me shattered like glass. I went through a long journey though I have a hard time remembering. Most of it focused around Christianity and a lot of dark imagery. Eventually I came to a point where I was confronted by the Old Testament God and he was basically saying that if I kept on my path I would go to hell. I basically said what I had been thinking my whole life that I would gladly die for everyone else his view was skewed. (Not my exact words mind you). And to my Surprise after saying that it fell away and I basically saw the faces of everyone rising up before me thanking me.

Many times I would open my eyes crying because I felt like I could see the truth as though I could see their pain and what they went through. At one point I opened my eyes and saw what seemed to be an Angel a being full of light. Once in awhile I would open my eyes and my two friends (bad tripsitters) were frantically running around trying to help me they thought something was wrong and thought he needs water or to be woken up so at one point I'm in the shower I wake for a second and pass out again. Next time I open my eyes I'm in the car and they are running me to the hospital I try and tell them that everything is fine but being inbetween worlds sorta speak I have a hard time doing so. During this time I end up going through this period as though I am giving birth to the universe. When I open my eyes on the stretcher I actually felt like the people I saw were angels themselves. Pass out again I'm on the bed and this women basically says oh your still seeing things as if I'm nuts or something yet all I'm thinking is I see you. At this time I could have recalled all that I went through but I was more worried about people finding out about the fact that I took a drug and was in the hospital. So the other things I could have gleamed from the experience were pushed aside.

About a month later I was working security shift and prolly around 9am I had this image in my mind of all this information I had collected and thought where does it all come from where do we find all this stuff. I had the image of a black hole and later a supernova kind of thing. I woke up

I'll continue with more of it later for now I need to get around for work.
All the Best...

The more I think about the birth experience the more I think it was all for show and rather uneventful when I got to the other side. Thinking this stuff over just keeps getting weirder and weirder. Though I seem to confuse two different experiences the one I'm mentioning must be when you enter into Hyperspace not really sure though my recollection is hazy. I'll have to try again sometime.

So continuing where I left off earlier
I felt as though I had awoken from a long dream. After work I rushed back to my fathers place because at the time I just wanted to go outside and be in nature. I basically was just taking in all sensory input at an increased level. Birds and other animals all of a sudden seem to fly near me much more and just have many more occasions of running into different animals. It's almost like birds were just waiting for me to pass nearby and flocks of them would fly around and I mean huge flocks. It was definitely a sight to behold I don't know if they pick up on our energy or what it is. But I had frequent occurrences like that for about a week.
Anyways after being out for a bit I decided to go up to the house and my stepmothers son showed up who's prolly around 32 or 33. I asked him if he would want to watch a movie with me and he agreed. I decided on "BladeRunner" Holy crap was that a mind blowing movie living in this space of reality. It wasn't all great though for one I felt bad that he could not see what was right in front of our face what is being presented at it's full capacity. But it really only got worse because my Father showed up and remarked that he really liked the movie but he wasn't totally sure why. I then felt suddenly depressed because I felt like their is all this information in front of us to help us to understand our deepest selves and we are missing it not just a few times but like an eternity of glancing passed this stuff. I went to a dark place for awhile because I felt for one second I was in paradise too all of a sudden I was in a prison.
In my enlightening experience it wasn't all happy and I would actually rather have it that way it's much more real I feel than just saying it is all joy or all sorrow it's more a mixture of things. My father and a few other family members on my stepmothers side decided to shoot some rifles of theres. I thought alright (bc in my mind I just wanted to spend as much time with them as possible) went outside they started to fire rounds.... Wow that sound kills me sounds like something that should not be I put on ear protectors and tried to plug them as much as I could though it didn't matter it was as if that could be heard everywhere inside no matter the precautions taken (Keep in mind I in no way think taking guns away from people will solve the problem of violence in the world so I'm not screaming get them away from people bc it would solve nothing). I still to this day can't help but wonder what they thought, me being deaf in one ear and now all of a sudden my hearing is extremely sensitive.
Food was amazing as well which is strange considering all the little grievances people can have things tasted like they were made in heaven specifically for me. Tried a lot of new food when I noticed this change.

There were some strange things I would notice almost as if people were sleepwalking (Scary assuming I often wonder am I sleeping through this life or awake if awake I strive to do as much as I can to better the world whether it's providing information or just someone willing to listen. Though I notice the best thing I can do for the world is bring another lucid dreamer (not meaning dreams so much as lucid in this dream we call reality)in sorta speak. Though my dreams certainly did become much more vivid and those I met in the dream much more involved with me even being aware of my choices in day to day life. Back to life interactions with everyone took place at a far deeper level from my perspective at least, though I don't know what affect being lucid has on others because others all acted so much different or was I just seeing a different side to them well w/e it was they never showed that side to me ever only that single week. maybe they just never run into a situation that allows them to interact with that kind of honesty.
It was surprising though that word is too insufficient to fully emphasize the experience. I actually felt confused because the way people acted, some I couldn't help but wonder if they understood what I was going through do they understand this state of mind? Why is so and so saying this particular statement does he understand we live forever no that can't be it I must be imagining things (kinda my thought process I just couldn't believe some of it) I felt I got to a higher level but I went there alone none of my family came along. Apparently my friends father at least acted aware of it who was like a secondary father figure for me growing up. I actually did not believe he understood, though speaking to him recently he says he has had visions since he was a kid and that there is pretty much a force we can all connect too. It's like we are all the same player.
It was weird bc I told friends I went through this experience and they would basically say oh hes a buddha or allseeing(insertname) lol but never the less I felt like it was wrong somehow giving a title even jokingly but honestly I don't know. Because I felt that awakening was only a beginning rather than reach this and all work is done, hell no it got harder to me though I would rather take the challenge than sleep through it. I also noticed listening to people it was like they were mirrors and you could kind of tell who was there in that space sorta speak. A lot of things were much easier to understand. Seemed depending on the issue I could be easier to anger. But though somethings were easier to understand there were somethings I can't help but wonder if I maybe mixed up somethings. In a way I felt like music could actually emphasize to me at a deeper level what was going on within them. Though I'm not sure I guess I was kinda indecisive even then worried I might mix something up. Prolly due to my feelings of wanting to help everyone oh your burning up inside or something Idk. Though in some places I felt more capable I couldn't help but wonder if I confused things. I like to overthink some things when the solution is staring me in the face most of the time.
I'm done for now maybe I'll add more at a later time.
All the Best

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jJ2Yhqezmho This song is by Vargo "Infinity" in my experience all the words seem to have an echo effect. Haveing found some new music sometimes I can't help but wonder if everyone notices this or only those who are seemingly going through an infinitely slow awakening lol it least that's what all my experiences emphasize.
Does anyone else notice an {echo} effect in music that was not previously there or maybe some other effect that is new? Would be great too get a response on this.