Awesome post, as a new member as well I'd love to participate as I find this an interesting question and of
real significance to me, because it has changed me forever. It's flat out awesome to see genuine questions like this being asked, so i'll do my best to answer openly and honestly
Before I begin, I find it necessary to say that it was not necessarily the dmt-hyperspace that changed me but rather my first psychedelic "crossing over" experience that changed me; those who have experienced it know what I am talking about, and those who haven't experienced it yet but seek to find it will find it someday.
Wow. I mean I don't know where I'd be without psychedelics; I am forever changed. Once my third eye was opened, I know it will never completely shut ever again.
To begin, I'll give a really condensed history... My whole life I was a "nerd"/"good kid" type; which was fine for elementary school but then in middle school I got picked on a lot. Leading up to High school I became pretty depressed and cynical of the world. Sophomore year was the worst and I hardly remember it cause I was depressed, so when Junior year rolled around and I was in a new school program with less judgemental people in it, I was accepted... by none other than the drug crowd
My parents are straight edge and in due time found out that I smoked weed. While my mom was upset, she didn't do anything terrible. My dad, however, was violent, verbally and physically abusive towards me. I felt helpless. Once a policeman showed up at my house and said that my dad could do whatever he wanted with me because I was a minor living under his roof. Suicide was the norm at this point, something that constantly filled my mind. I no longer trusted my parents and this lead to much negativity. I had run away many times and got myself into many dangerous situations because death didn't mean much to me. Also I grew up Christian and I felt there was a lot of hypocrisy and I didn't believe God fit into the box of a single religion. As I became more sad, I became an atheist (not tasteful either, one that would outright insult people who had religion).
So of course being so depressed lead to wanting to try "harder" drugs. However, I was also by now very much into researching psychoactives and the potential of addiction was scary to me. Somewhere along the way, I ended up coming across psilocybin and one of my friends said that they had some to sell. So, I tried it. It was cool but that's about it...
The second time I tried magic mushrooms, however, was extremely amazing. I will NEVER forget it. I had been very suicidal and for the first time in my whole life I had experienced a complete removal from my "self" as I thought I knew myself... indeed, it is the "ego death" that many read about.
I was able to look at my life and see that everything has happened for a reason; that possibly if I hadn't been depressed I might have never experienced what I got to experience in that one trip; that all problems are temporary in the end; and that my problems were only problems as long as I saw them that way... but in the grand scheme of the universe they were small and laughable; and that I shouldn't let my crappy family life bring me down.
The mushroom told me, "you don't need to be depressed anymore. It's over now."
From then on it was a slow fix. The day afterwards I'm sure I was interesting; however I had bad memory from the depression and mary jane habit that I'd used to medicate. I doubt anyone would have noticed much improvement in the following year; but inside myself there was a part of me that stirred, recalling the magic night where I met the Other.
My parents would still see drugs as drugs; but psychedelics are different I feel. I would try to get ahold of them at any opportunity. They were slowly shaping my being. Now, after coming back home after being away at college, I feel my family actually can see the improvement that the psychedelics have given to me. They just needed a time away from me to be able to actually see who I am.
My mom has described me as being really helpful and caring. My grandma thinks I have matured a lot, as does my dad. People actually like being around me (well most days... again, it's a process). What I have seen change within me is that I get less sucked up in my own problems in life and just try and keep it in perspective with the universe, and just know that whatever happens was meant to happen because it's shaped
me into
me. And I can't judge other people who are harsh to me too much because i simply don't know what they fathomably might be going through in their life. Being kind to others is what is most important above anything else. People see me as being pretty thoughtful and spiritual, which I'll accept. (but I think I've always been that way hehe
)
I have finally come to explore my own spirit, body, and mind. While others in the past speculated that I may have inattentive adhd, I now am finally able to look within myself and accept my adhd and am getting treatment soon. I'm hoping my life will improve even more after I get my crazy head figured out; so far though it has paid off significantly. I don't take my life for granted.
Life is a gift man. Enjoy it cause you can
Thats my two cents, sorry it's long but I hope it helps. With any change, it's a process. Just remember that much. Peace