Perhaps this is a thoroughly discussed subject here on the nexus, but this is something I have been thinking a lot about recently.

I used to use psychedelics a lot in combination with other recreational drugs like alcohol, MDMA, nitrous, benzos, etc.. I used to be really depressed and would use drugs to escape. I liked psychedelic drugs because they really took you to some far out places. I would use with alcohol at least as a back up plan in case I didn't like where things were going, I could get drunk. In the back of my head I always hoped that I would have some amazing trip and all my problems would be solved.

Then I stopped using drugs but I still really wanted to use psychedelics. Obviously recreational psychedelic use isn't as harmful as speed or alcohol. And even with recreational intentions there is the possibility of learning something.

I feel that within me there is a distinct craving for psychedelic drug experiences. I like seeing pretty visuals, I like the confusion and weird thoughts, I like how they make the mundane seem amazing. And the possibility of having a really fantastic experience which could affect your days afterward is like what I imagine playing a slot machine is like.

Sometimes I feel that my interest in psychedelics is mainly fueled by my desire to escape boredom and impatience. Yesterday I went mushroom hunting but didn't find any. I felt disappointed and thought about heading to the store and buying some booze to get drunk instead. And today I felt the strongest cravings for stimulants I have felt in months. I get obsessed with thoughts of experiencing an amazing trip and these obsessive thoughts really make my day to day life very boring and make me feel impatient.

Does anyone else ever feel craving for a psychedelic like I have described? What is your relationship with recreational psychedelic use?

No.. only in the beginning I guess. But then I began to feel that the trip was not only confined to those hours it lasted. And the time between trips became just as an important part. In the beginning I had thoughts like "I would like to trip all the time" etc After finding more balance, I feel psychedelics showed me how to enjoy the "boring" times more than before.

So maybe I used them as and escape for some time, but its kinda paradoxical, because in my experience they also made me confront myself a lot, and made me more aware of the beauty in ordinary things. Just life itself, is not so ordinary we maybe are conditioned to believe. The time after the trip for processing all those new insights and perspectives is something I now value more than before. Its no longer just waiting for the next trip, more like: This time is for combining the insights with life in general, and it really touches all levels of life in my experience.

Well thats just my take on it, you might find out something different for yourself. Good to hear that you have cut back on other substance use, and I wish you luck and happy tripping

Right. That is how I am trying to approach psychedelic use now. I think that there are definitely some things that psych use could teach me about myself, non-duality, impermanence, letting go, etc etc, that I didn't really want to pay attention to or apply the effort in my daily life when I was using more recreational drugs. But now these are things I think about in my daily life a lot since starting to meditate about 6 months ago.

I don't know, like you said life isn't nearly as ordinary as we take it for granted. Looking within me right now, there are so many sides to me wanting to use psychedelic drugs. I think that due to my past abuse of drugs that I have kind of conditioned myself to be very suspicious of myself. I look for any hint of escapism and fixate on that guiltily, telling myself, "see? I'm just an addict". But in truth, I want to take mushrooms because I think it will be difficult for me. I had a really bad trip on shrooms when I was younger but I think they will have a lot to teach me about my reactions of fear, anxiety and ultimately letting go. I tried mescaline a few times this summer and I didn't do much besides laying down in a daze and listening to music. It felt really recreational and almost hedonistic.

However, I can't deny the craving factor within me. There totally is part of me that just wants an intense experience, whether its getting blasted on shrooms or speed, or skateboarding or surfing.

Also, find the root of your depression. it's in your past. Resolve it; you will be a billion times happier, and your life that much more enriching. To do that, look at every nuance in memory of it's expression, and where it goes back to, figure out when it started, where, and why, then fix the issue.

If you need to use psychadelics for further insight, by all means do so. But if you use them as just another escape, then you're pulling the same string in a different direction and still running in circles.

Best of luck brother, welcome to the Nexus

Thanks man! I think I have found the root of my depression and have been feeling way better for the last couple months. But actually I have noticed myself feeling kind of in a bad mood lately, which definitely correlates to wanting escape.

And I think the bad mood may be spiritually related. Through meditation it has recently sunk in just how little I know, how I keep reaching, striving for some stable ground. Like some point that I can say, "here I am and I know this." But that never comes. I can't form any concrete conceptions about myself or reality. My bad mood just seems to be like a little tantrum to that fact. A bit of mourning, maybe. I think that's probably why I have been craving drugs recently. I feel angry, cheated almost. And that makes me feel a bit self-destructive and like I want to get away. The thing that scares me the most is that my mind still just keeps going, wanting to solve everything, figure out everything, relieve, resolve.

Sounds a bit disassociative, what you are describing. Also sounds like you're stuck in your mind... aka "your mind is running your life" No worries, been there. Here's a few links that may help;
http://www.lifetrainings...s-running-you-life.html

And check this one out https://www.dmt-nexus.me...spx?g=posts&t=49235 , similar problem, specifics aside read through it when you have the time and feel free to use what you find beneficial to your specific issue... a bit of an ongoing process at the moment

And, of course, meditative practices in general. In time all will resolve if you approach everything rightly

brokenChild, thats is a great video! very helpful with working through my personal food habits.

I have found that exercise really helps - it gives you back a sense of control; over your own body and thus your life.

It has the added bonus of improving your health and also releasing endophins (natural happy drugs produced by your brain) into your blood stream.

I would suggest making as set of 3 - 4 fitness goals and design a program to meet them.
The goals need to be S.M.A.R.T

(S)pecific: focused on one particular thing/are
(M)easurable: so you know when you have achieved them and can set a new goal
(A)chieveable: you need to be able to do what is required to meet it
(R)ealistic: ie don't set your self a goal of running a mile in 1 minute if you can't run!
(T)imed: they must have an end point within which to meet them so you are driven to achieve them, but at the same time don't beat yourself up if you don't reach them all.

Exercise can be a healthy addiction - and greater control over your own body, its abilities and reactions is a rewarding experience that will help depression.
I also recommend a good martial art - Tai Chi would be ideal - i used Karate, with an emphasis on Kata

Judging by your name brother, there may be more contributing factors to your eating than just "habits"

Glad it helped