Hey everyone,

I'm a longtime lurker. My usual haunt is the Cactus section. I am 24 years old, male. I have had a history of drug abuse. Something in the past that I would have called addiction. But it wasn't to a particular drug. I like stimulants and dissociatives but I probably drank alcohol and smoked weed the most.

My current perception of my past drug abuse was that I was depressed and had very low self esteem which made me very anxious. Drugs gave me confidence and temporary relief.

After a few scares where I just gobbled up all the drugs I had and could have easily ended up in the hospital, I got sober with the help of SMART Recovery (free CBT based group therapy) and a great counselor.

After almost 2 years sober, I went to a 10 day Vipassana retreat. I had never really meditated before. Now I meditate about 2 hours a day and have been for the past 5 months. This has been really life-changing for me.

I used to always take psychedelics, hoping that I would have some trip that would give me this massive insight into my problems and essentially fix them for me. Now I realize that I have to do the work. Meditation gives me a way to do this.

One trip I had on Salvia years ago really jives with my meditation practice. I was drunk and decided to take a huge bong rip of some 20 or 30x salvia. It knocked me unconscious for 30 min or so (according to my friend who was present). My memory of the trip was I had entered a space of pure white light but there were beings there. It was a classroom of sorts, with a teacher who was teaching other beings how to transform energy. My interpretation of this now is bad energy to good energy, but I'm not sure it was so explicit at the time.

Anyways I popped into this white light classroom and immediately was terrified, but all the beings rushed out at me and I felt immense relief. I was told I wasn't ready yet. And then I slowly came back to my body.

I filed away this trip in the back of my mind, but it had given me confidence that there is something else to this world. I thought there was a purpose after we die. But now because of Vipassana I think about this trip all the time. I now realize that I can transform energy and make a difference here on Earth. I don't have to react negatively. I have the power to take in the bad and put out the good.

I think that right now in my life that I am much more receptive to what psychedelics may have to tell me.

dmt-nexus.me seems like a lot of members have a lot of wisdom and I look forward to interacting and learning more. I'm not sure I want to open the Pandora's box of DMT just yet but I will be experimenting with mushrooms this fall.

Hello Zul,

It's good to hear that you've beaten your addiction and that you have discovered meditation...

Regardless of psychedelics being involved or not, I wish you happy travels

And a warm welcome!

PLUR

Welcome to the nexus!

Beating habits and addictions is a very difficult task, it takes a truly strong person to identify their problems and take them head on. I am happy you have achieved this.

Meditation is very helpful and the fact you do it two hours a day conveys your commitment. *salute!*
If you care to elaborate on your retreat I would be very interested to hear about it! Thank you

Don't rush yourself into DMT, it will happen when the time is right.

Best of wishes as you continue down this "healthier" path you have chosen.

BTW I can relate when it comes to lurking in the cacti section, I am planning a big cactus project for next summer. Can't wait!!

Have a great day and thanks for joining the community.

DMTree

You can find more information on the vipassana course I went to here: http://www.dhamma.org/en/

It was a really difficult experience for me but I am so glad I stuck through it. The course is free and the food is good. They ask for a donation at the end if you got something out of it and would like to pay for someone else to take it. They are not pushy at all about the donation.

Welcome Zul

I'm glad Vipassana has been soo beneficial for you... It really does provide some fantastic tools that can be put to use everyday It's good to see you're still setting aside some time each day for meditation, you know things can get a little crazy and it's often easy to put it off... Have you gone to any more retreats since your first one? I find it's extremely helpful, to both yourself and others, to serve at a retreat... Definitely a way to give back and strengthen your practice...

Are you growing any cacti at the moment? If yes.... please share some pictures of your plants.....

Also, the site does contain a wealth of info, not just on DMT but a range of topics...

Thanks for intro... be sure to update on how your experimentation with mushrooms go...

With all good wishes,

Indigo

Yeah I am surprised I have kept up with the meditation so well for as long as I have but the truth is this summer I had way too much free time so it was easy. And now I am working on the road and staying out of a hotel so it's not like I have anything else to do in the evenings anyway.

I definitely want to go back and serve! Just have to find the time for it, maybe this December.