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Entheogen April Fools Options
 
Jorkest
#1 Posted : 4/6/2009 3:11:38 AM

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subject: Cancer/Entheogen Study
New Scientist, April 1 2009

In recent years scientists around the world have been conducting studies using entheogens, including peyote, psilocybin and ayahuasca. While these studies have demonstrated many positive effects, there is a backlash brewing among some researchers.

"We've been noticing a frightening increase in the number of people walking around in a state of complete euphoria, unable to deal with the complex realities of environmental and economic collapse. Some of our patients claim to feel the vibrations of distant planets and many are making incoherent claims about quantum mechanics, while others are unable to fill out a simple job application without consulting a book on numerology. It all seems to be connected with use of entheogens. We decided to do something about it", said Dr. Ulrike Gedanken-Scheiss at the Max Planck Institute for the Study of Cognitive Dissonance in Ulm, Germany.

Dr. Gedanken-Scheiss is the designer of an unusual experiment whose purpose, she says, is to counter the unintended side effects of psychotropic substances: in early summer of 2009. 57 patients will be injected with benzene in an attempt to induce cancer. "We will be studying the effects of cancer in adjusting the psychology of chronic users of entheogens. Hopefully the participants will develop a more realistic view of things. We also hope to gather information on the most effective methods of cancer induction."

Dr. Gedanken-Scheiss is the author of 17 papers and three books, the latest being the widely cited "Too Perky By Half: Re-introducing Reality With Serotonin Antagonists".

The study is still looking for volunteers. "Currently we have several slots open, and we hope to find people who are chronic entheogen users before May. Anyone who feels they may qualify should contact the Institute", says Dr. Gedanken-Scheiss.
it's a sound
 

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'Coatl
#2 Posted : 4/6/2009 7:18:38 AM

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Wow...

What the fuck?
WARNING: DO NOT INGEST ANY BOTANICAL WHICH YOU HAVE NOT FULLY RESEARCHED AND CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED!!!

I am Teotzlcoatl, older cousin of Quetzalcoatl. My most famous physical incarnation was Nezahualcoyotl, but I have taken many forms since the dawn of the cosmos. In this realm I manifest as multiple entities at a single time. I am many, I am numbered. I am few, but more than one. I am a multifaceted being, a winged serpent with many heads. We are Teotzlcoatl.

"We Are The One's We've Been Waiting For" - Hopi Proverb
 
obliguhl
#3 Posted : 4/6/2009 7:41:11 AM

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Attention All Shipping
#4 Posted : 4/19/2009 10:00:20 PM
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Is that actually a New Scientist April fool Jorkest, or one you made up?

Funny either way.
 
11:11
#5 Posted : 4/24/2009 3:42:32 AM

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Very important research, anyone interested in this study may also want to check into Despondex
Psychonautical musical adventures

I am the Pickled Herring, raging through the streets of Aurangabad. Smiting the simian fortress of Agartha I fly with pan liners and garbage bags attached to my million tentacles of horrid putrefaction, eating souls and raining down corpses on the mighty city of Gruad.

Hail Eris!
 
Spock's Brain
#6 Posted : 4/29/2009 10:41:38 PM

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I definately want to volunteer for this.
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steelrain_420
#7 Posted : 5/1/2009 12:20:05 AM

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benzine has no place in the human bodyStop
anything i say is only for fun its all made up i have never done drugs cuz drugs are bad! so forget what i said unless your the kinda person that belives in other worlds/reallitys in wich case you are trippin and maby crazy i mean (hyperspace)come on man thats crazy talk..................................right?
 
'Coatl
#8 Posted : 5/1/2009 12:26:31 AM

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Dude 11:11, that was one of the funniest videos I have seen in a very long time! Very nice!
WARNING: DO NOT INGEST ANY BOTANICAL WHICH YOU HAVE NOT FULLY RESEARCHED AND CORRECTLY IDENTIFIED!!!

I am Teotzlcoatl, older cousin of Quetzalcoatl. My most famous physical incarnation was Nezahualcoyotl, but I have taken many forms since the dawn of the cosmos. In this realm I manifest as multiple entities at a single time. I am many, I am numbered. I am few, but more than one. I am a multifaceted being, a winged serpent with many heads. We are Teotzlcoatl.

"We Are The One's We've Been Waiting For" - Hopi Proverb
 
 
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