I often find it a burden to have experienced the things that I have, things that seemingly 99.9% of the world's population has not experienced. This makes me feel like I walk around possessing special knowledge. I guess I don't like that feeling, I kind of do, but mostly don't. I also suspect that this way of thinking is somehow wrong, because I have read some of the most difficult philosophy books in the world and I do not feel that having that special, esoteric knowledge is a burden.


I guess the difference is that after doing fairy dust, I see straight through other people's prejudices and categorizing, their fears and learned judgments and racisms in various forms. I am also reminded that in every angry person is a scared child. This comes from returning from boundlessness, zero boundaries and zero limits on possibilities.

To have to pretend to act using categories on people and things turns burdensome. Playing social/societal games when you see straight through them very far, turns burdensome, especially in the days following.


What do you think?

Peace

Ah, to be dumb, attractive and ignorant
If only...

A single day does not go by that I don't contemplate the meaning
Of these experiences . Yes sometimes I wish I didn't know the secret .
I also think how terrible it would be to
Not have experienced these things . It's taken quite a few years
To integrate this stuff into my life . A lot of kicking and screaming along
The way but here we are . And for the most part
I don't regret a thing . The positives have far outweighed the negatives .
Sometimes I also wonder where I would be without it .
I've come to love these plant teachers on deeper and deeper levels the more
I spend time with them . At this stage in the game I want to learn more
And more

i don't miss my blindfold..

not even from time to time.

I think this feeling is born out of the longing everyone feels to 'fit in'. We all want to be loved, to share our lives, to know we're not alone. Having such knowledge constantly reminds us of the separation that is present between us and most other people.

For the second time today, I'll say this: I'm very grateful for this kind of community where I can go and lose, if only for a moment, that feeling of separation and isolation. Thank you to everyone here at the Nexus and on other forums I've participated in.

Speaking as someone who is dumb, attractive and ignorant, i can say that these traits have helped me to shoulder the burden of this special knowledge quite well.

Because i am dumb i sometimes feel that the feeling that i have just been let in on some big secret to sometimes not be the case. But that it is possible that i have been hallucinating while in a highly suggestible state and therefore become a touch delusional.

Because i am dumb, i see the idea of possessing special knowledge that others are not privvy to to be a normal human ego tool, similar to the "my god is better than your god" scenario. Or having a bigger television than someone else.

When i contemplate the things i have experienced, it usually just makes me giggle inanely to myself. I think i feel more at home in society than ever before, because, as everyone knows, it really doesnt matter if you fit in or not.

Being attractive....well thats just a bonus.

"I also suspect that this way of thinking is somehow wrong, because I have read some of the most difficult philosophy books in the world and I do not feel that having that special, esoteric knowledge is a burden"

Reading old texts and philosophy books can get to be a bit like mental masturbation. DMT can (under the right circumstances) be like initiation into the natural mysteries. There is a big difference there. One is philosophical, the other is experiential. One is left brained, the other completely dissolves the left brain dominance, activates the right brain and brings you into full coherence.

Reading a book can give you some insight. There can be wisdom gained and new perspectives to ponder..but it's not like a full on initiation into the mystery like a solid dose of a true psychedelic is.

well said - there is certainly a difference between concepts and experiences.. people often mistake the two and in this respect I feel that "knowledge" truly comes from experience

and yeah sometimes it can feel like a burden.. though one I am happy to carry in exchange for the depth my life has gained

The DMT experience, to me, is much more than the trip itself.

The dmt experience has been about learning, researching, meeting new people, discussing, chemistry, botany, and so much more. Yes, sometimes it does feel strange knowing about these things and not being able to discuss it openly.

For example, my boss needed a 1M solution of NaOH for a project. How did I know where to find NaOH? Well.....I make "soap"

The burden, for me, doesn't come from the trips. It comes from real life knowledge that I must not risk discussing openly.


Its a wonderful burden to have A BIG thank you to everyone who's put in countless hours towards making this information available.


Be well,
Wap

i have this same feeling everyday of my life. It's almost like i'm seeing the world for what it really is after almost 30 years of being in a trance. This is isnt from DMT use, ive only still had one oral experience with DMT several years ago and no experience in smoking it. I dont know if i would call it special knowledge per say, just another outlook. The moment i start believeing i know somthing special that no one else knows i stop myself and remind myself that i know nothing.

Funny thing, I actually do see it as a burden of sorts.

Unlike most folk big into the way of psychedelics, I don't follow the messages and do the work because I desire any insight into the mystery or any outrageous shift in consciousness, but I see in these things ways by which I might be able to heal my body's chronic injuries and its detrimental effects on my mind (what an unwieldy, pointless duality).
The massive shift in perspective is, in my mind, a necessary by-product of the real work rather than the end product... as wonderful (or terrifying) or it can be, it's really just a distraction for the most part. It can be a handful trying to crack out kinks in the spine when Deja Vu is running for prime minister of the senses and everything's ripples, tracers and notes of impending doom. ...but hell, what's a better way through scoliosis than an old fashioned solar initiation?

It's only a challenge if you choose. If you let it go to you head, like hug46 joked about, then it sure will be difficult. If you choose not to consider all that "special knowledge" as something out of the ordinary, you'll never have the opportunity to see it as a burden.

Besides... let's be honest here. Most of all this "special knowledge" just comes in the form of unintelligible feelings, half-glimpses, preoccupations and fantasy. There's no reason to go on some headtrip over that. When hyperdimensional beings are harvesting your organs and transforming the Xerox into geometric chandelier oceans at your 9-5, and nobody seems to notice... then maybe some feelings of alienation are called for.

This feeling of "knowing something" has often times left me overwhelmed during the first several months of integrating my last experience. It felt like a burden and seemed like I was enlightened to too much info. Info that I am not suppose to know. Well, more like an understanding I'm not suppose to have. At times it was difficult to bare. It challenged my sanity, my view on the world, and my view of myself.

This feeling has def lessened during my abstinence, to the point where now it's ok. I feel that some of the understanding is lost in memory just like some of your experiences wisp away like a dream you can't quite remember. IME it seems to be due to the fact that we are blind to anything we can't touch, see, or hear. And psychedelics give us a extension of those abilities into a different realm that regardless of anyone's opinions, are not of this physical realm we are all experiencing. We are tethered to our bodies, and I think DMT stretches that tether about as tight as it can manage without breaking. This can weigh heavy on ones mind.

I also think that we get used to how we feel, think ect. Psychedelics expand on everything and just like rebirth lust, it's scary to experience something your not used to. Especially if it's the whole you that has been given a completely new perspective and sense of being in this life. Atleast for me I could sense an urge to feel "normal" again. Although truthfully I don't want to go back to that blind understanding. And now I have integrated this, for the most part atleast, understanding and feel more normal than ever.

I have come up with the assumption that if one does not allow for enough time to integrate between trips, that it can be more difficult to deal with this burden. I think it becomes more pronounced and I believe proper integration is for this purpose.

yessssssssssssssssssssss ,

Sure, it can seem burdensome to awaken from the mass hypnosis of the greater majority of our fellow earthlings. Humankind is so blinded by it's own limiting parameters, it can be awkward and downright uncomfortable to have an interaction with another person who wants you to fit neatly into a predesignated and largely stagnant mold of behavior and thought (and like it, at that).

So, when by magikal means we open ourselves up to higher dimensionality and a far deeper attention, focused beyond the confines of the "ordinary"... see another world, more than just the superficial animal-mind dictates we embody through our unconscious striving... it's mind bending and quite ego shattering It's like blowing the roof off of the small conceptual room, in which we humanoids habitually spend most of our lives locked within. So, we open the doorway and step into eternity. There's a whole universe to explore!

"Special knowledge" often times seems to separate the individual who experiences a mystical or other-worldly realm of conscious-awareness or keenly observed interiors within (and far beyond) the confines of the routine modality we are trained to obliquely observe... light years from the normal mind-set prevalent in such abundance. Right? And while this can initially separate us psychologically or spiritually, from the slumbering majority of our fellows, this is a passing phase, my friend. We've all walked this road and there is assuredly, light at the end of the tunnel.

And I have come to believe that if this Gnosis is really special or truly enlightening, I feel it should also unite us, on a deeper level, with all others existent around us. Sadly, they may not even know that you are aware and compassionate to their limitations in perception... but just send 'em good vibrations and loving thoughts of peace and well-being. Compassion is not at all like pity, judgmentalism or isolationism, it is a natural healing process, beginning in the heart with a small or large act of kindness and understanding.


Wrong and right are wholly subjective interpretations, that we are trained to definitively project upon all that we experience or encounter on our life journey. If one contemplates upon these polarized labels long enough... seeking clarity, they become more and more abstract. You certainly aren't "wrong" at all for feeling that there is something kind of off-center or illogical, with your heightened perceptual conundrum. Sensitivity is a gift, use it wisely.

It's OK to feel that your special knowledge (or Sacred understanding) makes you feel out of place within a world afflicted with an all-pervasive spiritual sickness. A world climate of extreme agitation and unbridled desire, collectively, which seems hell-bent on: making more and more money, hoarding material possessions and having all the creature comforts. This goes hand-in-hand with a kind of selfishness that alienates each of us from the feeling of togetherness and the warmth of humanity at large, all of us united as one greater family. Tragically, we are plagued with pollution, poverty, racism, violence running rampant... and the atrocities of war, still prevalent upon this miraculous planetary sphere.

And yeah, when the vista suddenly widens exponentially, it can be a lonely place, since all around us... we see folks just blindly going through the programmed motions and vainly scrambling to follow the dictates of main-steam society. And to stay awake is really hard work, since everything around us is geared to perpetuate illusions and false realities.

But one step follows another on this journey. And we are here together, united in our understanding, itself a special kind of inner knowing, an integrated epiphany of just who and what we truly are. We are wholly universal beings... and we are not just parts of the cosmos, we are the universal itself, waking up to gaze into the mirror of the Absolute. Our questioning minds and opening hearts challenge any mirages or barriers of understanding. Heck, this is special, after all... and it's good to know that you are not alone. We are all one interconnected bloom of an ever-opening spiritual vision. We are a family, in our own way, even if anonymous to one another.

We are each hardwired to see through the walls which have been built around us and gaze into the infinite reality behind the surface appearances. It's wonderful to peek behind the veiled curtain, DisEmboDied. Just as long as we individually or collectively believe that by positive affirmation and a cultivation of higher awareness... we are awake and we are free. This Nexian oasis rocks, and together we can move mountains! As wise brother Dioxippus so sweetly expressed, we are called to share the knowledge, good people, so let your love lights shine!!!

i just smoalked some and came back , apparently my freebase has degraded a bit

yet what you have written RS just blew the doors of my perception wide open , especially the part about compassion and how its not pity , i totally agree this is how we should be treating fellow beings whether enlightened or not ,

Sounds to me like you are awakening to a calling. I feel this myself. Rising Spirit said a lot of what I feel. I am interested in how fellow nexians take their teachings into their everyday life. I have been changed beyond return but I function very well in the world, maybe better. I had a "death" experience that caused me to forgive a lot of people and put my love into action in all my relationships. Engaging and being present, especially with my wife and children. I want everyone to find this place but it cannot be found without intention and work. It could be an important part of our own liberation in the context of the politics of prohibition and spiritual freedom. Spice is not a drug it is a sacrament but the culture of fear in the world pervades.

This.

Though, I must add that old superhero adage... "With great power comes great responsibility."

It is a bit of a burden, and it is somewhat alienating. Like it or not, having spice breakthroughs does initiate you into a very special and exclusive "club." We are all part of a secret society that is so badass that we don't even have to meet, perform set rituals, or have any structure whatsoever. (The Nexus aside)

I don't say this out of delusions of grandeur, or some kind of elitism. It is simply the truth. If you are shown things in Hyperspace that you have determined to be true for yourself... then you ARE privy to information that most people will not only never know... but that they are not prepared or willing to believe even possible. I imagine this must be a bit what it feels like to be an upper echelon member of an intelligence agency.

All I can say is buck up... keep working on yourself... strive to integrate and wake up further. The only other choice is to repress your memories and go back to sleep. (This, for me is no choice at all.)

So learn to smile... inside and out... and make the entities proud.

HF

Thanks for that post HF....

I sometimes feel quite alienated indeed when not a single one of my friends (in non-computer land) shares my psychedelic interests...and it seems near impossible to find such people.

Not to sound too delusional but I personally believe that responsible psychedelic exploration heralds the next step in evolution for the human race.

One thing I do know is that being obsessed about sports and going bar hopping all the time sure seems to be getting mankind nowhere fast

Pshhh, buzzkill... I did that for hours yesterday, and boy do I feel awesome!

Were wisdom not a burden we should not need to stand on the shoulders of giants to become giants ourselves.

JBArk