Hi all,

In two weeks from now i'm going to attend my first Ayhuasca ceremony.
Up until now I've tried many drugs including magic mushrooms, magic truffles, San Pedro cactus, Salvia Divinorum and LSD.
I first heard about Ayuhasca a long long time ago and always wanted to experience it.
It has been 10 years since i started using chemical for mystical experiences and only now have I met the person which connected me to the spiritual world of Ayhuasca.
In my first conversation with this person I was in a sate of "wanting to try a new kind of trip" but later on as I read a lot about it on the internet about Ayhuasca healing my state of mind changed to "Let's fix some stuff in my body/mind".
I've talked with the shaman over the phone, she sent me a questionnaire which asked questions regarding my mental and physical medic conditions and asked me if i ever witnessed anything unusual which caused me a trauma - nothing like that happened to me and my mental/physical condition is great.
The shaman also told me that I should come to the ceremony with an intention, something I would like to work on / heal in myself during that session and so, the thing that at moment annoys me the most is my low self esteem so I chose this subject as my intention for the Aya healing.
Some more info:
The ceremony will include 17 people, 13 of them are experienced and 4 of them are first timers (including me).
It will take place in my home country with 3 shamans which arrived from Peru.
I think she told me that there are going to be also 3-4 helpers that will help people reach the bathroom when needed.
In addition she told me the whole ceremony will be in the dark, while listening to the shamans chanting in the Peruvian language and there will be no talking between the users.

Now my questions are:
1. Is that a good enough intention?
2. Can Ayhuasca help me with it?
3. Does is "sound" like a normal/typical Ayhuasca ceremony? (the last 4 lines of the previous paragraph)
4. Is it possible that i'm going to have a bad trip?
5. I don't know the shaman in person but the person who connected me to the her knows her well and has great respect for her, does it mean that i can count on her and trust her with my soul?
6. What is a life changing experience? how would one describe it?
7. Do i have to worry? How do i know if i'm doing the right thing by going to the ceremony?
8. I've read that people sometimes have a bad trip which leaves them permanently mentally damaged, what causes such outcome?
9. Will feeling worried about the whole experience can affect the experience itself?

Thanks in advance
Spiked

These questions, IMHO, would be best posed to the shaman(s) that are going to be taking care of you. Your inquiries are mostly fear/worry based, and honestly it would be better resolved with the people that you intend to extend your trust to in the ceremony. It would depend on the capabilites of the shaman and your personal connection to them, as well as their awareness of your particular situation. Just don't be afraid to mention all of these things, since they would need to know to give you the best assistance possible

when understanding is total, no questions arise

well you should ask the shamans if you are going to meet some. But most of them are gonna tell you to ask them AFTER the ceremony You then probably understand better what your mind is doing

have fun

4 shamans, 3 helpers for 17 people sounds like good care. Yes it sounds very typical and I like that they asked you questions before hand. Very thorough.

You can certainly effect the experience being overly scared and nervous. A little is normal. Ive done 20 plus ceremony's and Im a little nervous every time but you cant let that feeling grip you and control you.

Best thing you can do is identify the very root of your fears. We can do that here or you can alone but its best to have another person help. Its just a series of questions that will lead to the core fear you are having. When that's Identified it can be addressed. Sometimes the very process of Id'ing the root fear is liberating and a person see's the are working themselves up and everything is fine.

So that being said what is your biggest fear going into ceremony?

I know that some people are badly affected from trips, like I've heard stories about people taking LSD and then thinking they're dolphins and i've read some articles about people which attended Ayhuasca ceremonies and said that some of the effects are still harassing them today, long after the the trip stopped.
But on the other hand, I'm very very experienced with trip drugs and drugs in general and i think i have a strong spirit or whatever you call it, i never get damaged from these substances.
My root fear is that I wouldn't like myself after this life changing experience but in the same time i really want to experience Ayhuasca and it intrigues me if it can actually affect my life for the better.

spiked, just so you understand the reason I suggested you pose these questions to the Shaman(s) in your group is basically to help build a healthy relationship with the people that may potentially be responsible in guiding the trip towards your intended goal, that way once you get there the "trust" issues would be out of the way and #5 is taken care of.

Of course there's no reason you can't do both, plenty of intelligent people on this forum. I just wanted to make sure you understood the intent behind the response


In any case happy travels, enjoy the trip

Thanks, I'll speak with my shaman.

No need to force it tho, just do whatever feels natural. i guess ultimately I was saying that no one can tell you whether or not you should trust another person, that comes out of your own personal connection to their energy

Yes that does happen. Dunno about that dolphin comment lol but yes people indeed have hard trips. They are part of the package deal and there is always that chance but it can be reduced drastically with proper prep.

AS far as people returning home so called "damaged" from an aya experience. Well that does happen, RARELY, but it has. Often times its a combination of things, The person just wasn't ready or cut out for ayahuasca and dmt, it was too strong a brew, it was with an inexperienced or false shaman and or bad setting and the biggest, they didn't integrate the experience fully or at all.

Some cases the balance of the brew was way off so the whole experience was just chaos and little to be taken from it. Its more the case that the person freaked out and couldn't handle it and instead of trying to work through it or look at what aya was showing them they just balled up and went fetal trying to grind it out fist clenched and sweating, which is the worst way to handle a hard one.

So what do you mean you worry your not going to like yourself? Do you have a past trauma or aspects of you that you either dont like to look at or remember? Guilt? Are you concerned aya is going to surface things you have suppressed?

I ask because Im confused at the statement. Ayahausca is a healing plant medicine. If allowed time to complete the process its goal is often to help liberate you from self esteem, self love issues and certainly guilt. It must show you and at times have you re live these things but for me it was done in such a non judgemental loving way that I was able to, for the first time, look at an event that I carried massive shame for my whole life differently. I saw it without self judgment and was able to finally process it and forgive all parties myself most importantly.

I think we are getting closer here. What would you not like about yourself post ceremony and what could ayahuasca do or show you to make you not like you?

You dont have to divulge personal things. Im asking you this for you. Share what you are comfortable with or nothing at all.

Okay, I understand what you're asking... it may sound a little bit harsh or judging but that's it's important to me to stay normal and as it seems, it's like the shaman (which I had a skype interview with prior to the acceptance to attend the ceremony) she seems like a weird person, like she's half here and half there(or not here), and the other guy which introduced me to Ayhuasca, he's also a little bit weird in his own special way and I wonder if the use of Aya might be the cause of that weird behaviour...
So my point is that I don't want to become weird

In what way do you find them weird? Do you think you would not be in control of who you are after drinking an hallucinogenic beverage?

You may want to look at this in more depth before you go into a ceremony with these people. What do you find weird and what makes you uncomfortable about their bearing.

Trust is a good thing to have a certain minimum degree of when working with healers and shamans types and its pretty hard to trust someone you find weird I would think.

BTW, what attracts you about doing a, ayahuasca ceremony?

"So my point is that I don't want to become weird"

I find normal to be overrated and usually prefer wyrd personally. Normal people are so boring.

I knew that saying that people are weird is going to be problematic because it's all in the eyes of the beholder so let's ignore the fact that i said it.


Well, The reasons why I want to attend the ceremony are:
* The psychedelic experience itself.
* Since my friend truly believes that the experience can help me with some personal problem.
* Because I'm interested in the spiritual side of the experience.
* I want to feel that pure love sensation everyone's talking about.
* Pure curiosity.

Sounds good happy travels.

Low self esteem and Ayahuasca is a good combination.
You go in the ceremony shy and unsure, you get out and you'll want to melt/move mountains with your gaze.

Be warned: Ayahuasca CAN make you weird (but only in the view of others).
It can have a strange effect on your taste regarding cloth and colors.
Everybody i know who did this had afterwards an strong affection for bright and strong gaudy colors, mostly with lots of pattern.
One sweared to never wear black again. All of them dress noticable more flashy (me too).

I get more attention and i use it to initiate eye contact. Before i drunk Aya i couldn't stare in the eyes of a female for longer than 3-5 seconds. Now i reversed that order: most of them can't look in my eyes for longer than a couple of seconds.

I never had a problem gazing on people, I actually do it all the time... it always intrigues me how the other side would react.
I already like bright a vivid colors and i have a few cloths to prove it