Hey, I am gonna write my latest goa festival trip report as an introduction as its been a deep insight, utterly convincing and a synthesis of a ~10 years search that has developed.
So lets start with with a little bit about me so the story has some perspective. When i was around 23 a good friend of mine reintroduced my to psychedelics. My previous experiences, mostly mushrooms in up to the 2g range, were artistic experiences, ended by a stupid violation of the holy trinity of usage.
He also introduced me to "spirituality", aka the quest for meaning and understanding, wisdom. So basically I started tripping with him on acid, and we occasionally added MDMA into the mix. It helped me alot to drop my insecure adolescent stuff i was carrying around, but i have never had much use for it later. I am very sensitive and careful with theese things, a true "rational McKenna'esque" approach, long before getting into Terence. MDMA basically ended itself when it had done its job, which was getting me into an open, receptive state alltogether.
So looking back on the intellectual part of the journey, it starterd with Eckhart Tolle. I havent listed to his talks in ages, he was the guy who allowed me to rationally accept all the emotional parts that one has. I was rejecting thoose, well actually, i was in utter denial. Then came OSHO. That old prick, i love him. What a truly poetic rascal. He showed me that there actually IS a mystery waiting to be explored. Again i could accept this rationally, embeded it as central into my fundamental worldview. But it was all messed up, out of focus. Alan Watts added perspective, allowing this far from "complete" cluster of all my concepts to be prickly
. It was a 3d model now I could spin around and zoom in and out on the points of interest.
This was of course "the Truth". So i got into Adyashanti's teachings. I remember listening to that talk over and over again where he elobaretes on "the finger pointing at the moon". Here i was, wrapping my mind on the finger, trying to understand the moon. Seeing, understanding, realizing that didn't help stopping the futile business. It made me laugh and cry at the same time.
Up until the last half year or so, this was the stuff that interested me. Searching intellectually, and at the same time getting used to tripping on acid, slowly, subconsciously accepting that psychedlics could not be left out of the mix in this journey. So now I am a devout critic of Mr McKenna
Funnily enough i had a breakthrough experience on another festival 2011, which I kinda "overlooked" at that time. Looking back on it I can't believe how this didn't convince me of "Tatvamasi", or the sacred nature of psychedlics, but i did discover I truly love to dance to psychedlic trance music. I love to express its richness, its faced thriving nature. Over a dozen festivals i started utilizing LSD as a tool for dancing.
Now for the actual report: Antaris 2013. Friday evening. One drop. Starting to dance. Doing the "usual moves" while dancing. The acid is building up. The music suits my taste, the psysounds build in my head. My dancing movements sort of approach, start fitting better in their flow to the sounds to be expressed. I hear the sound, its in my brain, and its calling me, demanding I surrender to it, let it control my movements. When you are not on psychedelics except pot maybe, you hear the music, and you/your ego decides: hey I'll dance like this. I have had the sounds "call" me before, but not allowing their demand to be fulfilled. As my movements were approaching of what I felt was what the sound wanted to look like (through me dancing) a thought arrived: "Just let go." "Are you sure you want to do this?" "Ah screw it."
And I let go. I was no longer controlling my movements, the music was, literally. That part of the ego that took control of body movement was temporarily shut down. I was a puppet, hung on the strings of sound. Frightening when you "think" about it. But the feeling..... words fail... Love. Peace. Understanding. There is not a single grain of dust that is in the wrong place. All is one, and I am that. And so is everybody else. Perfection. Multidimensional. Fractal. The whole lot. I realized "the Logos" spoke to me. "I" could dance like i never have before. Doing 20 pirouettes in a row with closed eyes through people walking around, adding them to my dancehall as moving "objects", part of the stage, not getting dizzy one bit when done, just fluidly morphing into the next movement. Dancing like nobody is watching. Bliss.
Then another thought arises: What if you switch form letting the sound control your actions and have meaning, have ideas, have thoughts control you. Not what you think about it. But actually embrace a thought, and see what happens when you let the meaning of it move you. Tempting. But what?......
Mh....... Girls
tbc