Here's the elevator version of my story:

I was raised Mormon. Grew up in the heart of Happy Valley USA. Utah. I tried really hard to follow all of the ridiculously strict rules and guidelines for how to be a successful Mormon and make it to the "Celestial Kingdom." Being raised in the church, I probably only really dedicated about 75% of my whole self to following all of the standards of the church throughout my entire grade school experience. I forgot to pray and read my scriptures often, I wore low-cut tee shirts and drank coffee. I even lost my virginity at the age of 17. I'd been put on probation from the church sacrament service. I still graduated my religion class in high school (seminary) and spoke at the seminary graduation ceremony (finished half of a trimester's work the afternoon of graduation).
Once I went away to college I decided that spirituality isn't like a buffet. When it comes to beliefs, you have to either be all in or all out- you can't just pick and choose the things that you want to agree to follow. I truly dedicated my whole self to becoming as Christlike as possible. I was reissued a temple recommend card- Essentially a membership card that allows you to enter into any Latter-Day Saint (LDS) Temple. I'd reached the point in my life where I was of the age that it was expected of a good Mormon girl to either pursue marriage and rearing a family, or dedicating a year and a half of her life to missionary work. I started to prepare for a mission and slowly started to realize that I really didn't believe all of the ridiculously strict and detailed proceedings of the church. I did research on temple rituals and was ready to explore new avenues.
I spent a brief few months living at my mother's house between a DisneyWorld internship in Orlando and returning to my third semester of college. Back in my hometown I reconnected with an old high school friend who was raised Jewish, but no longer practiced any form of organized religion. He and I spent a lot of time together that summer and essentially found the starting points of a lot of our beliefs of various things together... The significance of spirals. Energy work. The secret. Meditation. The universe.
I cut our time together short in a desperate attempt to escape from the oppressive people in Utah, and fled to Baltimore. There's a little sidestory as to why that I can explain another time.
He continued on to practice Reiki. Upon a later visit, I was fascinated by the way he and his friends interacted with each other and the completely foreign things that they talked about. I felt cut off. He was able to progress spiritually far beyond what ever I was able to do on my own in Baltimore- with no help from anyone with experience. He tried to help me keep up as much as possible, but I came to realize that he and I had different paths to follow, and I would learn in my own due time.
Fast forward a little over two years- He and I are almost completely out of contact. I find myself happier than ever, living in beautiful California as I'd always dreamed. A lot changed in a year- I taught CPR classes at a top hospital in the nation for two years, lost 60 lbs, became an all-day every day (surprisingly very functional) pot smoker, secretly stripped out of town on the weekends and eventually found my way into the adult industry. I've come away as a more fully complete and well-rounded person because of the time that I spent in Baltimore. I made it here by applying The Secret to my every day life. I started to learn how to control my own mind and body more fully. Little bits and pieces of his spirituality that he'd shared with me over the months that we grew apart were starting to all make sense.
Upon arriving in CA, swim experimented with MDMA and Cocaine. Upon spending time with someone who's been doing and selling all sorts of drugs for a long time, the opportunity to try DMT arose. Swim didn't know if she'd ever get another opportunity, and was craving an experience of higher meditation. She felt ready, but nervous. It was a safe and comfortable environment, and the person swim experienced the trip with still hasn't proven to be a bad guy. Swim hit the pipe three times, unable to really hold in the smoke (odd, because swim has been singing her whole life and a lot of practice holding in the MJ smoke- has great lung capacity). Was immediately- but slowly pulled into the bed where Swim made a blanket nest. There was an immediate smothering of her body by what felt like a wave, an energy dam wall was broken. Momentary panic. Claustrophobia. Swim reminded herself of the power of breathing through these feelings and letting them come. Then the eyes seen before in meditation were clear and bright. The shapes and symbols flowed around her. Swim was flown through a very geometric old-fashioned computer program as it seemed- Think The Matrix- black and green buildings, like soaring through a city between buildings. Swim remembers three beautiful women- their appearance indescribable, with black and white checkerboard skin.
Swim opened her eyes. She watched the room around her change and the symbols began to fade away. She looked at her friend and saw his face covered in the eyes. It all faded to normalcy.
Swim thinks she opened her eyes too early, and wonders if she didn't take a large enough dosage.
I am craving an experience, but have no one to share it with where I live as I'm new in town, and making friends in LA is hard... Where do you meet people who are interested in a higher way of thinking? I don't like to go near the club scene. The porn girls tend to be hard to relate to.
Swim thinks she should research and reading everything she can about it before trying it again. She wonders if she should just try to make it herself. She really wants to make the most of the experience and learn as much as she can. Swim really needs some people to spend time with and talk to.

First, thank you for taking the time to share your story with us all. It's quite the tale!

It seems overly strict religious upbringings tend to make young people really go exploring. I was raised Catholic and a lot of the girls were like that growing up.

Now, everyone has their own path to find, and I see from what you've written that you understand that. I just wanted to ask you about your involvement in the adult industry and how you feel about it. I've heard some very negative things about that circle of people. Do you feel it's inhibiting your spiritual development? You mentioned that the girls are hard to relate to, so you must see things and feel differently than they do.

It sounds to me like you're an intelligent and wonderful person. You wish to better yourself and that's always admirable. I'm just suggesting a truthful analysis of your life at the moment.

I can't really help you with people to meet in California, but this place is full of like-minded people who can teach you a lot of things. You found this place at least, it's a great starting point

Hope to see you around the forum!

Welcome to the Nexus!

Thank you for sharing your story with us

Please take the time to read our Attitude section, since we ask people to not talk about buying or selling drugs, and we also ask people not to use this forum for individual meet-ups due to the obvious possible liability given the nature of the subjects we discuss.

I think you should not be in a rush to 'meet people' because that can lead to opening oneself up prematurely to some people that are not the right ones to open to. Better just take it slowly. Psychedelic-minded people are all over, but often they gather at different conferences with related themes, or the psy-trance scene, or maybe certain universities/courses. But again, remember there are many people that may seem one thing but there are many who are just superficially into it but are not trustable, or there are also snitches around, etc.. So take your time meeting people and opening up.

In the meanwhile, I hope you make use of this forum to learn and share your experiences. I think you'll find that there are some really special people here that you might not meet otherwise.

Lastly, please do extract your own DMT. We make available all the information here so that people can do that, because we don't want people buying it and risking bringing bad attention to the whole community by supporting the wrong people who might get arrested, as well as possibly putting themselves in danger due to the unknown chemicals used to extract DMT.

Be well!

Dear Amandadances,

Thanks for sharing your (quite adventurous, I would say) life story. I would even say it is no wonder it brought your attention to DMT... Quite a different experience from MDMA or Coke, isn´t it?

I hope you apologize my only brief remarks to some of the details you shared with us:


Don´t worry about this too much; there have been a few debates on DMT-Nexus about this already. Once you take a "breakthrough" dose of DMT, it doesn´t really matter whether your eyes are open or closed...


This is always difficult to assess from outside... but the rule of thumb might be something like "if you have doubts, it wasn´t the full (=breakthrough) dose". However, if you ever decide to "up" your dose (after you have extracted your own ), please be very careful with this. Use a precise scale, and increase the dose slowly.


You know, I am afraid that being a "psychonaut" (if this is your future career) is a lonely business. DMT is an ultimate (inner) experience, and as such it is always experienced subjectively, and therefore, possibly very differently...moreover DMT works quite differently tham most of other "drugs" (esp. "speeds" such as MDMA or Cocaine you are familiar with).

To be frank, I don´t think that people from the ´club scene´ or ´porn girls´ (your experiences with MDMA and Cocaine refered to these areas, didn´t they?) would find DMT as something particularly interesting to repeat (although they might - I don´t want to generalize). I have a few personal friends who are experienced with psychedelics, and for me it is sometimes "hard to relate" to even these folks...


I think this is a very good idea; to learn more about The Infinity (what DMT is "capable" of, etc.), before diving into the maelstorm of The Grand-Weirdness again...

Amandadances: I think this is a good site to read/learn(and share) all about DMT, I am glad you found it

Welcome.