I get it man. And no, I'm not going to push you. There's no upside for either of us.
And I don't blame you for wanting to see TK before you believe. I wouldn't trust some random guy I just started talking to on the internet either.
If you'd like I'll try and explain my picture of enlightenment a little better and why it's a desirable thing; but, it has you be your choice. If I try to shove my view of the world down your throat it's ego, which is what I'm working pretty hard to beat.
Now, since you're here on this forum, I think it's safe to assume that if nothing else you're curious about other people's systems of belief and how they view the world; so, I'm going to assume a "yes" unless you say otherwise.
***For me personally I know for my state of mind it would cause me to be delusional. And full of anxiety. ***
Enlightenment is, among other things, freedom from illusion and delusion. Now, that said, some of the truths that get revealed can be a bit difficult to integrate. For example, I have no idea how much of what I believe to be true is complete and utter BS. No one does.
The difficulty doesn't really come from the truth itself, it comes from the ego fighting the truth. The ego gets off on feeling superior; but, this feeling of superiority gets in the way of truth and wisdom. Let's use me as an example. If TK is not real and I am in reality deluded, then my best course of action is to walk away and abandon my quest.
If I was more in the thrall of ego, I would have gotten upset at the idea that TK is impossible. I wouldn't be able to take criticism and that you really were coming from a place of sincere concern would have been irrelevant. Ego keeps us from being objective and thinking things through. Ego puts emotion above rationality, above truth and wisdom, and this is just a bad idea. Ego would have said "Oh no! Someone doesn't respect me!" and started freaking out; where the truth is that you being honest and sincere actually is
more respectful, even if you don't agree.
So, in this case, freedom from ego means that I don't buy into the delusion that I need people to believe me. If what I'm doing is based on truth, you're agreement is irrelevant. The truth is what it is regardless of who believes it.
I gain nothing by fighting the truth. People only gain suffering when they fight reality. That is a good chunk of the peace of enlightenment, no longer fighting to cling to your worldview when you come across evidence that you're wrong. No longer resisting change when you need to adapt to a new situation.
When you seek enlightenment what you give up is ego; which is a burden that brings only suffering into your life. Ego doesn't want you to believe that it's a burden, but it is. Ego is a liar and not to be trusted.
Now, regardless of whether TK is real or not, the thing in your mind that tells you "Don't make me believe. I can't handle that." is ego. If it turns out that TK is real all you lose is an old perception of reality. All it means is that you see more truth than that you have seen before. The lie that ego is telling you is that it's a big deal. It's not.
The lie is that you can't handle it. You can.
So what if I master TK? How much does that impact you? How much does that affect your life? What do you lose if it is true?
Let's pick a more "mundane" situation. For example, a cheating girlfriend. Ego may say "I can't handle being alone. I don't want to know." But, again, this is a lie. I don't care who you are, it is a figment of the imagination that you need another person to validate you. This is not love, not of them and not of yourself. It is better to be alone than with someone who doesn't really love you. If you listen to ego in this situation you
will suffer for it. If you listen to ego you
will be fighting the truth the whole time instead of dealing with the bad situation. And, by clinging to the cheating girlfriend, you deprive yourself of the freedom to find a new, more loving companion.
Enlightenment is letting go of all the anxiety that is holding you back. This is why I say that you're anxiety is based a false picture of enlightenment. Anxiety isn't part of enlightenment, anxiety is ego resisting enlightenment. Anxiety is what you are overcoming.
Enlightenment is calm and peaceful and able to act.
Truthfully, I suspect that you're underestimating how enlightened you already are.
One of the greatest things about cultivating a service oriented mindset is that you start to see the problems of the world as an opportunity to serve. The worst of disasters becomes an opportunity to help people. Life is much less daunting when you see even the negative as a blessing in disguise.