Hi, my name is Adam and I'm new here.

I'm a long time meditator and spiritual explorer. I don't have much personal experience with hallucinogens, but I'm very curious.

I have been doing my best to deal with some fairly substantial depression issues through meditation, but my progress has been fairly slow and I wonder if DMT might be the answer.

There is nothing that I want more than Ascension. I want to grow closer to God and more clearly recognize out connection and Oneness. I want to learn to talk with angels and learn what they have to teach. I want to bring more love and light and wisdom into the world.

I want to be a gentler, more compassionate person. I feel like I'm too critical. Including to critical of myself for being too critical.

I feel trapped in my own ego and want to get out.

Hello Adam,

Welcome to the Nexus. I'm sorry you are having so many difficulties and issues currently. It seems like you are maybe placing a lot of hope on DMT. I think many experienced Nexians might agree that for all the questions it answers, it opens up whole new areas of questioning.

I'm glad to hear you are meditating. I'm an amateur who tries to sit and quiet her mind daily and it really seems to make a difference.

I would respectfully suggest you start off with growing some mushrooms at home and tripping with those first at various dosages. This at least would give you some psychedelic experience before trying DMT . . .

We encourage everyone to grow and self extract entheogens whenever possible. You will find many helpful teks in the wiki.

Many folks, myself (in the past) included, have had help with negative mood and/or mood stabilization using banisteriopsis caapi ayahuasca. No DMT or DMT plant needed. This brew was very medicinal for me and the only contraindications are if you are not supposed to take anything with MAOI's. You may want to look into this .. . .

Your goals are laudable and achievable. In my opinion, the ego is a good thing. It provides me with a stable foundation to return to after launching myself out of body, mind and this cosmos. Also, getting out as you put it implies some sort of death or ego-death, and this can be a bit on the terrifying side.

I would encourage you to try to relish life, each and every breath. You never know when something may come along to cut things short or slam one in the face with one's mortality.

I think you are on a good path trying to identify goals and self-perceived faults. This kind of "self therapy" has been helpful for myself and possibly others.

Of course, nothing wrong with seeking counseling if it just gets to be too much to handle. Nothing wrong with taking advantage of having someone to talk to who is not directly involved yet does care.

Okay, sorry for all of that. This is supposed to be your welcome, .

This place is huge and full of amazing resources, many of them compiled over months to years by folks who really care. I hope and think you will find it helpful and worth your time.

Again, welcome to the Nexus.

To be honest while I am a bit nervous about DMT or other entheogenics I've pretty much dealt with it.

I've actually been meditating for about 15 years now and it's not unusual at all for me to simply lay down and get really intense vibrations, sometimes shifting into visions of some kind or another.

But, the sense that I get is that I've been standing at the door still having trouble walking through. I think DMT or mushrooms may well be like jumping in the deep end to get used to swimming. I kind of suspect that after a little use, to deal with that fear, I wouldn't really need to keep using them.

Although, perhaps, they would always be useful as a tool to break through to the next level.

I do have a lot of hope for DMT, but I try to keep it in the context of "I can and will succeed with or without. With is probably just a bit faster and smoother."

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A lot of my difficulties are actually tied to insights I've had from meditation and the extra pressure I put on myself from those insights.

For example, I am aware of the fact that it is my own fear and insecurity that manifests as contention with my family; but, fear of my own fear creates a negative feedback loop that I don't really know how to break.

It's hard to be patient with myself when the issues I'm trying to overcome sometimes mean that I behave like a jerk to those I care about.

I have read in some articles from Time magazine that mushrooms may help with that, that they may work as an anti-inflammatory for the ego and help me let go of excessive rumination on my own shortcomings.