Hello fellow nexians,

I have recently starting smoking DMT again after a long 2 year break following a rather unpleasant experience with it. Prior to this trip I had been voyaging regularly every few days. My trips began to become the same almost every time and even after 2 years I immeidately went back into the exact same recurring trip, and feel that I am unable to go any further with DMT until I work out what the spice is trying to tell me. Any help with interpretation would be much appreciated, here is the recurring trip:


"I blast off into the usual incredible geometry and fractals of hyperspace, and they meld into one another and I get a strong feeling of infinite love and bliss as I watch. The theme of a mother giving birth to a child and then raising a family then begins, and the spice educates me into the cycle of life and death in a beautiful dance with the feeling of infinite love throughout. This loops for as long as I want it to, but when I decide I have seen enough, suddenly things turn dark and the trip then consists of me trying to hide this 'stuff' that I could best describe as some kind of biological waste. I want to get rid of it as I know it is very dangerous and don't want anyone to know I have it. Federal agents are trying to get this waste to make sure it is disposed of properly. As this happens I become aware of my physical body, and the most putrid sensation begins in my throat - a feeling of a hundred spiders crawling around in there and I choke, trying to cough up whatever this horrible stuff is. In the very unpleasant trip that scared me off DMT for 2 years this sensation became unbearable and persisted for days afterwards."


The only idea I have is that it is trying to warn me of something in my psyche that I need to come to terms with and 'dispose of', but I cannot for the life of me think what. Any suggestions are welcome, no matter how far fetched as I really would like to know what the spice has been trying to teach me for so long.

Why do you have to say 'you've had enough' of the blissful familial love? Why not just allow it to happen and enjoy it for the length of the trip?

Blessings
~ND

I agree with Nathan, if you say you can stay in the loving place, then why not stay there? All I can say is that I agree with you Dr. Psychonaut. It seems that its trying to tell you something. Maybe you're keeping a big secret? Maybe it's such a big secret and you've been carrying for so long you don't know what it is? You could try and continue the trip in hopes of learning more, but due to its unpleasant nature, I wont recommend it. (I also wont not recommend it)

No matter what happens with this, good luck. Sounds like you have a journey in front of you.

peace.

Have you tried Ayahuasca or an oral dose?

The first thing that came to my mind is, maybe there is something that you want to purge, physically, mentally or spiritually.
If these trip are short smoked doses, it may not be long enough for the medicine to clear from you what it needs.

That feeling of stuff coming out of your throat, with an Ayahuasca purge it would probably come out. With the feeling of actually being cleansed of it, that is often experienced with Ayahuasca.


I have some more abstract thoughts about what your visuals during the experiences could mean, but... Not sure if ideal to try to interpet others experiences as they are so personal.


Maybe an oral dose with a good purge could free you from this recurring experience, and help you to move forward with your work.


Best of luck to you!

Doctor, I would humbly suggest starting a meditation practice. Start 1 min/day or as low as required for you to complete it and form a discipline, and then build up to more and more time aiming for say 45-60min/day.

Before I began meditating a few years back I felt fine except for a general feeling of unease I could not place my finger on. Then in the middle of a silent retreat, past emotions came flooding back which were related to previous traumas that weren't fully dealt with, but up until that time, I was certain I'd already processed & dealt with them and they were not an issue.

So what I mean to say is that the toxic materials in your psyche may be something you are already fully aware of, but just not realizing the influence they are having. Hope this helps! Meditation has been a huge benefit for me in every aspect of life, the practice is paying off in every moment. I can't recommend it highly enough.

I would check everything , setting , time of day, what are you eating and drinking before,
Mindset , look for consistent patterns that you may be unaware of .

It may be trying to tell you nothing , pretend the trips have no meaning
Or important signifigence . Try to just observe . Try a lighter less intense
Approach to the whole thing . If it starts to go dark try chanting
A steady pulsing chant of some kind . Try not allowing it to go dark
Try yelling and sending a message of complete disapproval out to it. Hold your ground
Be strong and grounded .Also Try the opposite by flooded it with love sometimes that works .

I've found that sometimes my imagination can weave some pretty insane scenarios
That become entangled with my trips and have caused me to actually believe some really
Insane and crazy things . You must learn to take these experiences with a grain of
Salt as they say .

Try to step back change the cycle , try to trip in a beautiful spot in nature on a clear sunny
Day with blue sky and puffy clouds .

Lately, I've been experiencing very similar, almost recurring scenes and meeting the same entities also, but each time is a bit different for me.
I noticed on my last few trips, that if I tried to control, or do something other than observe what was on display for me, that I would irritate the entities involved. On my last experience, one even said to me very clearly that I was not paying attention and this is very disrespectful.. I had been paying attention fully, till one specific point, when I thought of my friend who was doing it with me.
Instantly, as soon as I began to wonder about him, this entity reacted.. It quickly faded everything to black, but just as the last bit of hyperspace was fading in front of me, I yelled out to the entity with my inner voice, to stay. That I was deeply sorry and I would give him my all..
It worked and I was transported back to him with vivid clarity.

The end of the trip was very important to the message and meaning for me, so I am glad I stayed with it. This might be helpful for you.. Allow your thoughts to be open and don't worry about controlling the situation. Just a suggestion.

Another time, I kept seeing entities that looked like fractals in the distance. I would try to zoom in on them as I can and do with fractals at the beginning of my trips, but would be responded to by these strange entities with a (playful) tone of insult. It gave me the very distinct impression that these entities are in control there, and that I was being blessed in the sense that these scenes were being created for me. Not for me to play with, but for me to be healed through.

Submission while in an alien environment can be damn difficult, but it may be the key to growth and positive experiences.. IMHO. I also fully agree with the above comments. Check your set and setting with utter scrutiny. The smallest things can make a difference. Maybe it has to do with where you're doing it.. Is it always in the same room or house??

i liked the comment about doing an oral dose.. I've heard many reports about entities not having enough time to heal or teach on just smoked DMT. And the purging process may be what you need.

Many blessings.

Forgive me if my memory serves me wrong, but you had some epic negative trip thread a few years ago, didn't you? This is all sounding quite familiar. Your experiences do sound awful, and I hope you can find solace in whatever you decide to do.

i know what i am going to say will sound ridiculous , yet perhaps DMT is telling you something is wrong with your throat , tonsils perhaps i don't know , just get your throat checked

Mz gypsy I think you're definitely right about an oral dose bein the way forward, and I have considered this as the only way to gain understanding its just the idea of a trip going bad for that long I don't know if I could take. The negative smoked experience I had was traumatic and took a few weeks to really get over. But since then I've been using caapi tea with my smoking and its mellowed the experience and feels more guided.


In a previous post on this topic I remember someone mentioning that it might be a reaction to impure DMT? Though I have recrystallised it twice and use a vaporiser so i don't see that there'd be any naphta left in it


Global well remembered! Yeh I started a thread with an alarmist title that I was never going to touch DMT again but seemed I needed some time to get over that last experience


As for those asking about set and setting I have very much mastered the art if setting and now every time I smoke I do so with one or two fellow psychonauts after having drank caapi tea and in a peaceful quiet room with coloured lights and peaceful music. This experience has happened in a variety of different setting in the past though. Also I am very happy in my life now so the set is great too :-)

You can drink a caapi heavy brew with very little or without DMT. That way you could let the medicine work on your body without percieving what exactly is going on.

This is exactly what I was thinking and am looking to brew some caapi now for a journey next week. I am looking at 50-75g of yellow caapi first, then the same with 50mg DMT - does this sound about right?