Hello , i want to know what you think about my condition since most of people here are open minded and experienced “i’m sorry if i make some mistakes since english not my mother language , i hope you get the point ”

first of all im 21 years old , it all started when i was 18.. i had many problems with my life that made me look for something to change me or change the way i live
then i found drug called DMT , i extracted it and smoked it daily for months , without anyone knowing not even my close friends . i smoked it for about 40-50 times
and then slowly my whole life changed and even my personality (And i never done any kind of drugs before it , not even weed , DMT was the first drug i tried )
i stopped smoking dmt and i moved to weed ..i been smoking weed for 3 years

and now i think i have a very different way to look at things , you can say im very much enlightened, i lost some emotions like jealousy , anger , sadness, im very kind and i never hurt anyone , i don’t even watch TV or news .. im kinda disconnected from outside life , all people are the same to me i don’t care about money or looks .. i have some really different thoughts in my mind about life and everything around me.. when i sit with people and i start talking about life or anything , They say where the hell you came from? it all make sense to them and i convince them but its hard for the human mind to realize what i have realized so i eventually i may sound weird to them so i promised my self to not share a big part of my mind to anyone because they will never understand

so here is the problem i suffer now , Lately my life is getting worse and worse
alot of changes happened in my life and most of them are bad (im not focusing on negativeness but this is the truth) i came back to smoking weed (but im gonna quit)
and i feel really unconfident and lost like never before , My mind is going insane
there are many many conflicts in my mind that sometimes i just wanna Cut it off
i’m also paranoid i Doubt everything and i’m always worried and look around me
im very self conscious and i feel empty and dull , i have anxiety also .. i feel like i fucked up my brain and i cant control it anymore and in the same time i try as much as possible to control my self through convincing my self or meditating but its just make more conflicts !!
i’m tired , i just wanna live normal life !
i don’t wanna take any medications or see any doctors , is there anyway i can fix it all alone ? its very hard to explain my situation here

Could it be that you lack people you can share your thoughts with? There are a great deal of others who are on simillar paths. You just need to find them. Look for some arists, musicians, hippies... alternative people. Some of them will understand you and maybe show you a new perspective.

Have you decided what you want to do with your life yet? If you don't care for money, looks and the whole rest of the cultural lies, then you shurely don't want to pursue the "normal" path that is expected from you by your environment. If this is the case, you have to find something you can work on and you have to think of ways you can support your physical life (Thats why at least some money is of a certain importance). Yes you have probably fucked up a possible life for you: getting a career, a wife, two kids and a dog, buying a house and a car for everyone and all kinds of useless crap, then probably dying alone because your children are bussy getting a career, a family, a house, cars and lots of useless crap.

Find a new balance! Yes, everything around is confusing and wrong and frightening and it slowly falls appart. But you can be positive about it and change something for the better. Surround yourself with good and honest people and see that you support each other. A good and stable social network is something almost every human being needs.

Quiting the weed is a very good idea, if you don't use it for spiritual growth. If you do it regularly with your current state of mind it can make you passive and stop you from doing things. That way cannabis can steal many opportunities from you.

Keep your spirit up, spread some love and peace and you will receive love and peace back.

I would see a professional. That's all the advice I can give as I am not a doctor or anything like that and it's forbidden to give mental advice on this forum.

Quit smoking weed, would probably be a good idea but a professional does what you need for a living.