Jin - you are giving dangerous advice. Advising someone to treat any form of mental illness with psychedelics is reckless and irresponsible, even though it is clear you mean well. Any and all diagnoses or treatment recommendations over the internet to someone unknown from someone unknown are suspect and should be aptly disregarded. Even were one qualified, there is no way one can know all the details of an individual's situation with enough certainty to suggest treatment or prescribe. The only really acceptable and valid advice around here is to encourage people to seek professional help from someone trained to ask the right questions and gather all relevant details to diagnose and arrive at an appropriate treatment.

JBArk

i am not advocating psychadelic use , neither am i giving out advice to consume them (atleast thats not my intention), yet the OP seems to not heed any wise advice given and is quite determined to consume DMT ,

i am only hoping he'll see the harshness in my words and stop before its too late , also the whole thread seems pointless when the OP is not willing to listen , to me the thread appears like where the OP asking for advice as to what to do with his situation with solipsm then blatantly refuses to follow any advice given claiming he knows what to do

apologies for the dangerous advice , yet the OP not listening to wise suggestions only antagonised me to dish out "walking into the oblivion" as the other choice

i also don't have any problem with proffessional help as i am more then ready to trust in those who went to medical schools , studied days and nights to become experts , yet over and over again the OP belittles these proffesionals claiming he wants to know there spiritual interests and other things , labeling them as materailists , this only antagonised me further

yet i totally recommend that the OP gets some proffessional help , and also become more chilled with his solipsm ,

apologies people , i'll try to be more chilled

Cool - thanks for clarifying that.

Cheers,

JBArk

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. Depression can be quite a monster. I won't comment either way on whether you should or should not try Aya. If you do, please make sure you've done your homework and know the risks. If you don't want to use it, that is fine and perfectly respectable.

Have you tried some kind of organized religion? I know you said you have a dim view of organized religion, but in my experience, it can be very nice to go to a place where people accept you and to belong to a group. Even if you don't buy into the dogma, the community can be a wonderful support.

It doesn't have to be a fire-and-brimstone Protestant church or a deeply Jewish synagog or anything radical. You could look and see if there are any Unitarian Universalists in your area: I have a great love for them (although I don't consider myself one). The philosophy is extremely open ended and non-judgemental. It's mostly about being kind to people, with very little in the way of specific teachings on the nature of God or the Universe or any of that stuff.

Finding the community all might help you in other aspects of your life: you could network and try to find a job that way. Maybe get some helpful pointers.

Blessings
~ND

Why is referring to a person who, at the very least, puts on a show of materialism as a materialist antagonizing anyone? I don't understand. Would it be better if I called them a physicalist? I'm talking about a person who thinks the material world is all there is. No spirit. How can a person with that point of view be qualified to help in spiritual matters? Yes, this is manifesting as mental distress, but the root cause is a spiritual dilemma. It seems to me that at best they would be able to treat the symptoms without addressing the real issue, i.e. prescribing drugs. What drugs? I don't know, but the last thing I want is to be forced to take something for an extended period of time that only masks the problem. What happens if I suddenly become unable to refill my prescription (which is highly possible with the coming economic collapse)? Will I be worse off than I was before beginning to take them?

As for everyone saying I came asking for advice and am refusing to listen to it, please read my initial post again. I did not ever ask if anyone here thought I should or should not take it. I only asked for someone to point me in a direction forward and was told "You shall not pass!" (well should not really, but I wanted to say that lol). Also please remember that being a solipsist, any attempt by others to dissuade me from an action that I believe will help me come to grips with this looks extremely suspect. Why? Because it's my belief that my subconscious has been charged with maintaining the illusion at all costs. Sure, as it stands now I "know the truth", but that doesn't mean it can't still do everything in its power to try to convince me otherwise.

Ultimately it seems I have come to the wrong place.
Thank you for your time and concern.

The fact of the matter is, there is nowhere in the US that will give you a free Ayahuasca ceremony, no questions asked, as it is a schedule-1 drug in most parts of the developed world.

There are such places in S. America (I do not know them personally), but if you can't afford some caapi and psychotria leaves, you almost certainly can't afford a flight to Brazil and transport to the ceremonies.

I suppose you could look into the Santo Daime church, but, again, if you can't drive anywhere, the odds that they are within walking distance of you is pretty slim, and you said you wanted to avoid organized religion (Santo Daime is definitely an organized religion).

If you are really that certain that it is your ticket to salvation, buy the plant matter and prepare it yourself. It's really not that expensive.

Alternatively, you could look into psilocybin mushrooms. Many people report mystical experiences on mushroom that are just as legitimate as Ayahuasca.

Again, I'm not saying these are good ideas, but I'm a firm believer in giving people ALL the available information, and letting them make their own choices.

Blessings
~ND

Thank you Nathanial. I had no expectations of finding such a place in the US, and was fairly positive that I would have to travel to South America to find one. It's not so much that I can't afford to buy the necessary ingredients and make my own brew, rather it's that due to my specific situation, I wanted to preform a ceremony with proper shamanistic guidance. My research has led me to the conclusion that due to the relatively recent surge of interest in ayahuasca, there are a fair number of charlatans out there and I had hoped that there was someone in this community that knew of a reputable south american temple. As far as getting there is concerned, if I'm going to end up homeless anyway, might as well backpack there.

well its like asking the pilot whether he believes in spirituality or not ? just sit on the God damn plane and trust the pilot that he can do his job

there also might be shaman's out there who are not very much into spirituality , if you're read some books like ......ayahuasca in my blood ..... you'll know how shamans were more interested in hunting food, rubber plantations and making money , also waging wars against other unfriendly communities , orginally the author was kidnapped and all his companions killed if you've read the story

try reading carlos castaneda , if there is any truth there you'll know carlos was humiliated , mentally tortured and made fun of throught the series ,

what if the shaman you find does'nt believe in anything ?

whatever you have at this point are just your preconcieved notions , as many die hard materialists are also very much into spirituality .........all the organised religions for example , the believe in God and also want to make money , make more temples and grow their religion , there might be many doctors , psychatrists who are very much into spirituality

also what makes you so sure material is not spiritual , as everything material also emmanates from the supreme source , all matter is highly spiritual , each atom possesses a tremendous power and those materialists might turn out to be more spiritual then you ,

you say you don't like organised religion , why they are extremly into spirituality , sure it might differ from your personal view yet they are perhaps more accepting

at this point the way i see it you have a problem with organised religion , psychatrists and many others , yet none of them have a problem accepting you the way you are , this makes them far more spiritual then you are at this point

you have no acceptance of other people's views and that makes you totally un-spiritual , just because they are materialistic does'nt mean they are not kind , humble and good human beings .........you got to do a reality check right now and you might find people around you are more accepting of you then you are of them , this principle alone deems them more spiritual in the eyes of the Supreme Spirit

the doc will not ask you about your spirituality , why are you concerned with his when you're the one suffering ?

I'm 100% with those urging you to steer clear of DMT.

You mentioned in your first post feeling like you're walking a ledge between committing suicide and going on a killing spree, and you seem to indicate that ultimately accepting one of these options is a strong possibility.

You need professional help, not a treatment plan you've devised yourself. You're not thinking clearly at present, and DMT is only going to exacerbate your situation.

My pleasure.

I would encourage you to really consider whether you want to back back all the way to Brazil. Sea transport would be very expensive, and if you're going overland, you have to pass through Mexico, and Colombia, which are not good places for Americans at the moment. Especially broke ones with no real contacts back in the States. It could go very badly for you. Keep in mind that a lot of Mexico is pretty inhospitable desert and some of the jungles in Central America, Colombia and Brazil are still wilderness, in addition to all the cartel violence.

If you go overland, and do make it to Brazil, you will end up in an extremely remote part of the country (most development is on the coast), and, even if you do make it through Mexico, Colombia and Nicaragua, there is no way you'll make it through the rainforest solo. I am confident of that. The closest habitation I could find to the Colombian border is Icana, and that doesn't even have a Wikipedia entry, it's so small and remote. Take that into account and it is still a few hundred miles from the border to the town.

I have never had an experience guided by a shaman, but I have had plenty of very positive experiences out in nature, with some close, sober friends for support. You have to make sure you do it right (spend a lot of time thinking about set, setting, and who you're with), but if Ayahuasca will help you, I don't think you need a shaman.

Again, I'll echo what the others have said and really consider whether you want to put a powerful mind-altering substance in your body. If you do, you're an adult, that is your right, but please know that it is NOT a guaranteed cure. It might help, but it also might make things worse.

Blessings
~ND

If your deadset on only taking aya in a traditional setting, with a curandero or shaman guiding you, but have financial issues with getting to s. america, there's always the chimbre center in peru. They offer assistance to those without the means to travel to their aya/cactus medicine center, most likely based on needs, since resources are probably limitied, but if your deadset on it, perhaps try and get in contact with them.

The story of how a wall street trader funded and built the center, is shown in the documentary, stepping into the fire.



I don't advocate psychedelics to try and deal with the problems you have either way, i'm in no place to make those kind of recommendations myself, and share alot of commonality in the burdens you carry as well. Its just an option to consider, one that may be able to help you in regards to financially being able to get down to s. america to a place where you can take aya/cactus in a safe setting with a qualified shaman.

But before you do that, like others have said, there's resources available (almost certainly) locally to you, most likely for no charge regarding psychological/emotional issues. You don't have to take medication they recommend, you don't have to agree with them, its your choice on what to do, and who you consider qualified to give you the tools you need to heal.

But if after exhausting all other resources, and researching in depth all the options available to you, and feel aya/cactus in a traditional setting would be beneficial, but cannot afford getting down to s. america, i know chimbre offers financial assistance to those who need it. Might be worth a shot to try and get in contact with them, and explain your situation.

And you don't have to take aya in that environment. Sometimes you can get just the same or more from a well informed sitter, a well informed and prepared self, and the proper set and setting where ever you are. Someone who knows their way around psychs, and has alot of experience using them medicinally may be a good resource.

As well, you can discuss this with a doctor/psych/therapist, and while i would consult with legal council before hand to be sure, the law forbids them from keeping that information anything but private, and only disclosed at your discretion. I would just do as much research as you can, talk to as many people as possible who have experience in the subject, before making any decisions regarding methods of dealing with the issues you may/may not have.

Just throwing chimbre out there, as they seem to be a legitimate, and safe, place to take the medicine under the supervision of people heavily experienced with the substances, and offer financial assistance to those who don't have the means to travel there, or pay for their services.

Good luck, know you have people that love you, people you may have never met, or not know in real life. Everybody has these problems from time to time, and empathy is by and large plentiful if you open yourself up to others.

Stay strong, and don't push the issues down or run away from them, try and deal with them, or figure out what you need to change in your life to ameliorate them as soon as possible. The longer you wait the harder it is when you finally face the music.

The nexus/nexians will always be here if you need people to talk to about this kind of stuff, without judgement. At least thats one of the main principles of this community as i understand it.

Peace, and love

DT

Chimbre would have been great, but my information says they've closed (I made mention of it in my opening post). It was finding out about Chimbre that lead me to ask if there were any other centers out there like it (in regards to the financial aspects).

I take all that back.

After finding out why chimbre closed, it changes my whole perspective on that place.

I can only hope theres other places where aya is legal that offer assistance to those who do not have the means to get there, and have a better track record than chimbre.

I find it hard to believe that the shaman there would cover up an attendants death, and in retrospect, leaving people under the influence out in the jungle as was mentioned in another thread about the tradgey is a bad idea.

Also, now that i think of it, the kid in that documentary who was on methadone, and took either aya or cactus, thats not real smart on the part of the shaman who gave him the brew. A counter point is drug addicts that came there seeking cures, might have been on other substances without the knowledge of the staff, but a good reason why they should be cautious about who they give the medicine to and for what reasons. There's no excuse for the cover-up of his death by the shaman.

And $1200 for a ceremony!??

The message that they put out in that movie is very different from whats being reported. But it doesn't look very good for them. Especially the shaman who was supposed to guide the travelers.

Don't know how i missed that thread/event.

Do you have any trusted friends or relatives experienced with psychs you can discuss the subject with? Be careful though, as your conspiring to break the law, but if you can trust them and they feel confident about sitting a trip, perhaps consider that, if you choose to use psychedelics at all.

This topic is now locked.

All who are in this topics, please read this thread and read it well:
Medical emergency: what to do?

Look specifically at the don'ts since I see a lot of posts who are doing just that, e.g.: giving a person with serious mental health issues advice to dose or to visit a shaman.

DreadPirateLynx, you need serious professional help and that is something we cannot give at the DMT-Nexus. We can be a listening ear but I'm afraid that we can not help you any further here except keep telling the tantra that you need to seek professional help.


Kind regards,

The Traveler