Very nice post, Obliguhl. I don't know if you meant it this way, but it resonates with how I'm feeling. I feel isolated from my society more so than ever since SWIM discovered DMT and mescaline. I've seen such beauty, I've taught myself to live happily. I am happy. But still, actually now much more so, the termite mound I live in repulses me.
I am trapped in a vampire city, run by bloodsucking bankers, waving money out their windows at the hate-consumed anarchists who jostle with blockhead policemen in the street below, while the most powerful 20 people in the world sit around a table and emit hot air and empty promises, in the same conference centre that hosts the arms fairs selling death to the world for their pointless wars.
I watch despicable people drink and stumble, push and jostle each other, dehumanising themselves, stupified on yeast excrement. The streets are paved with vomit. On my way home a group of dredded hippies, Spanish possibly, climbed out from a window above a cheap restaurant, why such stupidity I don't understand, one fell and landed badly, the ground emitted a thump as it met her pelvis. She was still lying there when I looked over my shoulder down the long street. She is probably lying there still, awaiting her ambulance. Western society is corrupt and sordid. I wish I was with the Shipibo.
Yet, I am forced into this monster of a city, because it is the one place in my country of birth where I am accepted for who I am, where I can rub shoulders with people like me, where I am not considered 'weird', but welcomed. Always outcast from society. Now self-outcast from nature. Through losing my autonomy, I have gained social freedom. I am torn between these two choices, I want both. The meaning of my life is to find a girl 'like me' to spend the rest of my days with. It's lonely being the only psychonaut in the village.
Imagine if Western society disregarded its stupifying sacrament of wine, and took up mescaline and DMT. Imagine the transformation. That is my dream. The negativity of the world is enveloping me again, it must be time for some spice, time for some beauty (it's been weeks, maybe a month)...
Everything I write is fictional roleplay. Obviously! End tribal genocide: www.survival-international.org Quick petitions for meaningful change: www.avaaz.org/en/
End prohibition: www.leap.cc www.tdpf.org.uk And "Feeling Good" by David D.Burns MD is a very useful book.