Basically SWIM has been having a lot of stress issues in his life - it's been a roller coaster since January. Suicide was imminent but SWIM held on and things are much better now. However, SWIM has been reading and found that micro-dosing Caapi and Harmala is a good way to lift up the mood even further, and much safer than SSRI's. Right now dissociation is constant as a safety mechanism and it sucks for SWIM. He still has alot of anxiety.

SWIM just wants to be able to relax and not be so in tune with his mind, as it perpetuates the issue of anxiety and doubt of ever getting better. If one can be be able to relax, and take away new life experiences from the plant, SWIM is hoping it will help.

PTSD might even be an issue for SWIM, albeit mild if this is indeed the case. SSRI's SWIM reckons will be the absolute last resort.

SWIM has gotten ahold of some white Caapi and Harmala seed - will try out and see how it goes...

I would be extremely careful with anything that alters your level of serotonin if you have had encounters with depression and suicide before.

We cannot give doctor or medical advise though. (Also we do NOT give medical advice here (such as telling people not to see doctors and go to shamans for serious medical problems, etc), as this thread explains. Lastly, please read the Health and Safety section and the for contraindications, facts and tips on safety, reducing risks, dealing with difficult experiences, integrating the trips and maximizing benefits.)

Be safe.