The strange thing about consciousness is that you don't really know where it resides or what it is until you experience it being psychedelically altered. It sounds to me that you are still struggling with this new awareness and the implications of your realizations about consciousness.

I used to have an idea that a psychedelic trip never actually ends. Rather, we learn to work with it until it becomes our new "normal", and thus we feel normal again. I was thinking about LSD trips at the time, and I don't think this to be exactly true. However, I do think that something changes permanently during every psychedelic experience, and this change is subjectively largest during our first psychedelic experience, before which we are not even aware of the dimension in which the change will occur. To overcome the stress associated with this change, realize that the fact that you are uncomfortable with the change is proof that YOU have not actually changed at all. The sooner you learn to separate yourself from the things that you used to associate with yourself, the sooner you will learn who you really are. Some time after this realization, the characteristics of your old identity may begin to fade back in, but you may not care then because you will be content with who you have become.

Thanks dude. You make some solid points.



Separate from seeing my mum and dad? from my friends? from physical life all together? from the earth, the ocean? lose my job, lose my mind?

The thing is i knew exactly who i was before i used DMT. I went through all kinds of things in my life which eventually steered me in a positive direction (mainly focused on looking after my body and mind). And what new hobbies do you suggest i take up instead? Using DMT every week trying to fiqure out the universe? Let my whole life crumble, whilst my family and friends around me watch on as i become obsessed with psycadelic drugs.
Nothing in my life was fueled by a negative. All positive. I was making the most of the gift of life and i intend to continue doing so.
The problem is i am having trouble feeling like myself at the moment.

I feel that it is possible to know who you really are before DMT.

I think that all of the physical (and some of the mental) things that we associate with ourselves are subject to change, and that if we build our identities out of these things, we will be confused when they are altered by things like DMT. Psychedelics are the antagonist in this case, and you are like the hero of the story, destined to overcome this self-defining obstacle. My point was simply that if there are aspects of your identity that you perceive to be changing, then they must be external to the "real" you.

There is still a positive direction in your life, it just exists in more dimensions now, and you have new/unfamiliar tools with which to identify and move in that direction. You are working with more information than you had before, and that can be overwhelming at first, but it ultimately allows you to find a higher positive than you could've found before.

If you really still want to maintain certain staples of your previous life, then have no fear: You will find a way to do it and you will learn to love friends, family, and career on new levels.

Understood. I truely do understand the perspetive you look at things.

But to survive in this world you need a job and to be motivated to work that job. It also helps to be able to express yourself with your chosen output(art,food,sport etc). But when you feel completely empty, confused, demotivated inside - Your not heading down the right path in my opinion.

People used to tell me how positive i was. Everything i did i loved to do. People said to me that i inspired them to do more with their lives. I loved it. I was happy. I was on a productive, successful path.
I dont want that to change.

well im hoping that this is the case. Im always open to learn. It just sucks when i read things like "well youv done it now dude, your never going back" - that sucks and makes me feel like shiz.
Thanks for the input bro
(sorry if i came accross harsh but my situation is a little frustrating at the moment)

[Typed before reading your latest response]

If you don't want that to change, then all you have to do is exactly what you were doing before. You know that all you have to do to maintain that identity is embody those traits that you listed (productive, happy, etc.). Working is necessary to maintain a comfortable life. Yes, that is true. I prefer a comfortable life, and that's why I work. It makes me happy to work because comfort makes me happy. You still have that logic to help you maintain your job. (I assume that you still value logic. If you don't, then consider that you can't use logic if you're dead, and living in this world requires a job (so most would say)).

So, what makes you think your whole life has changed? The negative feelings you are experiencing are not your path. They are not a choice. They are just conditions of the current mental environment. The path you choose is determined by your actions in facing this adversity and overcoming it.

There is an "other side" to this conflict, but you have to be creative to find it and, at the end of the day, you have to find the way on your own because nobody knows your life as well as you do.

[Typed after reading your latest response]
I don't mean to freak you out. When the temperature drops, birds migrate to warmer areas. They adapt by changing with the environment so that conditions are "back to normal". In the same way, you will feel "back to normal" again when you have adapted to your new mind.

Ajb i do hope you're not consuming too much caffiene to worsen the situation ? how much coffee , cola or tea do you generally consume everyday ?

Hi Jin. Not drinking cofee regularly at the moment. About 3 times a week before I train. I'm thinking I will cut caffiene out for the next month.

(Ps. Awoke again this morning after heavy dreams. Feeling scattered and lost again)

Hey there AJB

I think you are going to need to come to terms with the idea that your old self was actually not who you are... but rather a clever construct you had built.

Now that this construct has been shaken, you will be best off if you rebuild it. You could rebuild it exactly the way it was before... but that might not be your best option. You have the option now to surpass the old construct, and you should take this opportunity to design a version of yourself that you will enjoy playing.

In short, you are not the collection of mores and morays, hobbies, goals, and gainful employment that you have thought you were. You are the watcher of your play, and the lead actor... simultaneously.

You will figure it out amigo. It gets better, but you need to sack up and rebuild yourself. There is no quick fix.

All the best
HF

i totally agree with HF , find some comfort in the fact that it can be better , all of this can and will get better , good thing is atleast you took a psychadelic which in my opinion is really healthy compared to any other class of substances people choose to consume

i personally would advice you stay away from any amphetamines,opiates,deliriants,and research chem and others

caffiene is not bad if consumed in limited amounts

and consume all the sound you can hear ,

Lots of great advice from everyone. I'd like to add my two cents.

Many members here, including me, had at least some experience with lighter psychedelics before delving into DMT. I am personally grateful for that, and can easily imagine being shaken to the core by my first DMT trip if not for the hundreds of LSD and shroom experiences prior. But at a number of points in the course of all this exploring, I did have my world shattered to dust. Then I'd rebuild, do it again, rebuild again. Eventually this became a sort of routine, and I became quite comfortable with the "habit of change", the process of never standing still, always evolving the core understandings about self and the world.

Jin's advice about mindfulness is central to staying mentally healthy. But you will still need to understand your thoughts in order to not be spooked by them. It sounds like the visions you had left you with a feeling that this is all a simulation or in some way not the solid, reliable reality that you had come to count on. The thing is, there is actually a lot of truth in that. Any neuroscientist will agree: your subjective experience is not actually reality, but is your brain's heavily edited and interpreted projection based on your unique sensory inputs and personal outlook. You don't see the world. You make an artful film based loosely on the world, and that's your experience. Most people are quite uncomfortable with this take on things, but, well... It's the way it is. Good to get comfortable with it.

In my own experience of 20+ years of steady and sometimes heavy psychedelic use, I've become at peace with the idea that my reality is not THE reality, and that in fact it evolves every day. This outlook has not prevented me from having a great marriage (20 years and counting), family, robust self employed career, etc. I savor life deeply. But I do remain confused and uncertain about most of it. The red pill leaves you with that burden. Conversely, because of my unique perspective, I believe I am far more capable of appreciating life than I was before my psychedelic awakening.

The bar-b-q example: give it a little more time, and you will find that yes, your perception of such events will never be the same, but instead of blocking your enjoyment it will be deepened. The magical mystery that is this life is not necessarily meant to be understood, at least not in full. You will come to peace with this and savor life ever more deeply as you explore your new outlook. You are in a period of Intense disorientation, but this will pass and give way to a new clarity. Eventually there is a good chance you will be highly grateful for your DMT experience. Shaking things up is rarely a comfortable thing. But you will find new and unexpected doors opened for you.

Good luck, be patient, have faith in the process. Keep us posted.

my only advice is this, DMT is a natural part in all things human plant and animal, its a necessary occurence, your not int the matrix or any computer program but rather the real world with all theese inexplainable communications, everything's okay just relax and reflect, maybee now is time to start looking into other careers/lifepath's (im not saying quit your job) just explore, its all good, just keep thinking for yourself and you cant go wrong, welcome to the higher realm of thought

Ajb, in your original post, you mentioned that you feel that your past is fragmented and you feel disconnected and asked if that would subside.

I'd like to assure you that those aspects you mentioned, the confused and disconnected feeling will indeed pass. Your symptoms seem to be depersonalization and anxiety, normal for such a profound experience.

You mentioned that you have had MDMA and Cannabis before. Though both are technically hallucinogens, they aren't the ... psychedelic heavy hitters like mushrooms, LSD, and other classic hallucinogens. And DMT is one of the most powerful experiences, even compared to the others, so I can understand being shell shocked, having this your first experience, but you didn't damage yourself, you just gave yourself a heck of a different perspective.

The advice here is really good, as are the tips on integration in the site's Wiki.

If DMT made people unable to enjoy their jobs and simple pleasures in life, no one would do it. You just might need to pick up some of the pieces and lessons from the experience and not only will you recover fully, but possibly to better then where you started from.

/\/\/\ Thanks guys, the support is great.

Feeling very much in control for last couple days. Making leaps and bounds forward in terms of healthy thought patterns. There seems to be room now for other things in my head besides just crazy complex reality thoughts - that is making me feel much more stable. But Holy Hell, those past 2 weeks were not enjoyable at all, nearly lost my shiz.
I forgot to mention that i have very weak adrenal glands and are very sesitive to stimulants. I also suffered from ADD as a kid and other depressive/anxiety sypmtoms. So this ride could have been alot more challenging.

I am dreaming a little less and waking up feeling slightly more familiar with the day before - which is helping me regain my sense of time (short term memory?).

And believe it or not as confused and messed up ive been feeling, it may be a change for the better, as Mustelid said in his previous post. I think that i was meant to do this and i beleive positive thinking should see me through. A contributing factor to my stress over the past 2 weeks is that i didnt want this to change the essence of who i am or what i want from life (kids, wife, traveling, bodybuilding ). Im a very constructive and positive guy and i was affraid that my productive lifestyle would be shattered and become pointless. And it wasnt like a few of my hobbies seemed meaningless, more like everything felt meaningless and confusing - including being alive - which in my opinion is not the best track to be going down.

Im still feeling a bit confused though with my brain trying to analise every last drop of my 2 week struggle, just trying to accept the whole separation of body and mind. It was a major shock to my system being such a grounded person. As ive gathered - time itself will be the best healer and ill be happy to settle back into the regular motions of life and back on a progressive path of my choosing.

Thanks again to anyone who posted advice for me. This has been indeed the most painful and confusing 2 weeks of my life and the support was solid.

What positive I have learnt so far from this experience: Enjoy the gift of life, Life is amazing and bizarr, make the most of everyday surrounded by the people you love. Dont read into things too much and dont spend your whole life trying to work out the universe

Well, perhaps it is not the best path for you to be going down. Many traditions of shamanism find this recognition of meaninglessness to be rather useful. If you read Castaneda, you will probably remember the whole concept of "controlled folly" where the realization of the folly of life makes the brujo strong and dynamic because he is playing the game with gusto... knowing that it is not real.

As for your lesson, it seems like a good one for you. Of course, working out the Universe is something many of us rather enjoy... Different strokes.

Be well AJB, I hope you find the peace you seek.
HF

I too have these wild theories and trains of thought about multidimentional reality, portals, The possibility of this being a simulation/reality of some kind. I too had these thoughts come way too much to the foreground of my mind, Ajb.

What helped me to integrate these experiences and move these theories to the back of my mind again was to think:
"These theories are POSSIBLE explanations for the percieved reality around me(Including DMT experiences), not absolute truths"

And the fact of the matter is that the true nature of reality remains unknown to us. Learn to be comfortable with the abscence of that knowledge, because Life is a massive mystery and has sofar allways eluded scientific understanding.
So perhaps we, humans, will never find out the true depths of this reality. Maybe we're just underequiped to ever understand how reality works. Be fine with that. Trying to comprehend the incomprehensable will drive you mad, guaranteed.

All these new theories that an experience like DMT can make you consider should be seen as intellectual/spiritual curiosities, tidbits to be revealed about a massive mystery. DMT is not about understanding the whole of existance.
DMT can't help you there, but DMT can help you understand the workings of the human Mind much better.

Rather than a tool to investigate Reality, DMT is a tool to investigate your PERCEPTION of reality.
I too was confused deeply when I smoalked DMT thinking it could explain to me the how and why of existance.
Drove me quite mad too, allthough I kept it together. I too wondered for a while wether DMT wasn't bringing me more confusion & unrest than the peace & clearity I hoped to achieve with it.

It was only when I started smoalking DMT to better understand the workings of my own Mind & it's perception, when smoalking DMT starting making sense; bringing me clearity, understanding & peace.

I hope that helps.

Well, this is a doozy. Some very good advice being handed out here.

I do believe I can help you a great deal Ajb.
IMO, what we are dealing with here is a DEFINITION problem.

I'll get to that shortly, but first I want to start at the beginning.

Ajb, help me help you. Tell me, what made you want to do DMT in the first place?

Did you extract your own DMT or was it something you got dosed on? Basically I'm asking are you 100% certain it was DMT you used in the first place, I've read a lot of reports and never heard of a lack of sex drive, everyone is different I know, but usually I've even read some people get more aroused during/after the trip. I am sorry you're having such a negative experience with it, integration can definitely be hard Its always best to test the waters first, dip your toes in if you know what I mean DMT is a whole nother world apart form any other psychedelic, and can completely and utterly change a life, (not that others can't either, because they can). DMT will open doors that can't ever be closed, and not for the feint hearted. Hope you are feeling better by now though as I realize this thread is kind of older now by a couple weeks.

This seems like remarks from someone who is now on their full path to recovery. There is no need to keep reminding the person of their ordeal.



The OP specifically asked not to shove such statements in his face, since he managed to overcome that type of "condemning" and "irreversible" claims. Please read the whole thread before risking an emotional setback:



I kindly request from the moderators to lock this thread as it seems to have fulfilled its purpose with a positive outcome from the OP.

Agreed...purpose fulfilled...

(Thread Locked)