I'm so nervous, I've tried this lovely stuff once, and it was over before it even began, but now I actually have a sufficient dose loaded up and I don't have the balls to actually take the plunge, should I just start lighting it or wait until I feel the time is right (I've had it loaded for almost two weeks now)

I'm ashamed ;(

No shame in that. The only way to get to the other side is to just take the leap, but the hesitation is 100% natural. It's kind of like jumping out of a plane in that regard.

It always is a hesitation thing for me, I've gotten over it by not doing it. I'm waiting for a bona-fide religious inspiration to pick it up again.

Well that's not really an option, gotta do it sometime

I'm thinking later today.

the fact that SWIY has trepidation is an indication that he is wisely respectful of this most powerful sacrament. SWIM would encourage SWIY STRONGLY to feel neither shame nor pressure of any kind where the sacred spice is concerned. all that was required for every positive journey SWIM has had was the willingness to surrender completely and the commitment to meet EVERYTHING with love.
sit with this. meditate on it. perhaps smoke a small amount to feel the spirit of the spice without breaking through....wait a little bit after...reflect on that relaxed love feeling you just had....then surrender and go in completely. wonderful insight and a profound experience of the highest, most connected self (the god-self if you will) awaits....

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

All good advice... I like the jump out of a plane analogy, it's like blindfolded bungy-jumping, you can't realize how deep it is when taking the jump (actually I think real bungy- or parachute jumping is much scarier than DMT... never tried it).
Don't take it lightly and prepare well, but at the same time don't worry about it. Fearing the fear, or worrying about a possibly bad trip is a waste of energy. Those steadily grinding millstones of worry... even if turns ugly, you'll survive intact! There's no hurry, just wait for the right moment.

It's more a matter of when than if by now... it's between you and that pipe, good luck!

You could meditate beforehand or...may I suggest a very tiny dose of something like 10-15mg? This brings you into the right mindstate to take more. At least it leads swim to feel "the call".

SWIM knows just what you are talking about. He's just blown away by the trip reports of the people that can take 3 or more big hits of pure spice and launch themselves into orbit. He used to do that kind of thing but is usually a lot more cautious now days. SWIM has been making a bed of some smokable leaf and putting about 20mg of spice on it then covering that with another layer of leaf then taking the hit. That still is a launch into space. Now SWIM has some "Changa" that he made by dissolving 100mg of spice into ethanol and then infusing that onto 1gr of Caapi leaves. SWIM is sure that some other smokable leaf would work well. What he has found is that when smoking the infused leaf there is a lot more control of dosage. With the Changa that SWIM made his first hit gets him very high but it is sub-psychedelic. A second hit gets him to the point of a 30+/-mg pure spice hit but it isn't like being launched off a rocket pad, it comes on quite gently. He doesn't really get the MAOI effects of the Caapi until later and some other leaf that is mild and enjoyable would work very well. With SWIM's Changa if you wait until you feel the Caapi and then take another hit it will get you exponentially higher! You might want to experiment with something like this that gives you a lot more control over how psychedelic you are going to get and that gently eases you into hyperspace.

I think meditation is a good idea.

As it happens, I read this post not long after getting a call from SWIM telling me that he'd suffered from nerves, having not ventured in a while.

His method was to remind himself about why he was doing this, to audit his life and his interactions with other people (not to position himself as a 'good' person, but as aware of his own failings and his desire to improve himself at all times) to promise complete respect and submission to the substance and acknowledge that for the 10 years he has done psychedelic drugs he has opened himself up to every aspect of the experience and taken positives every single time - including a nasty overdose on syrian rue/aya.

SWIM ended up pulling away and not going that extra mile this time. He was overcome by an intense euphoria, a feeling of 'why on earth was I worried' and enjoyed his medium level dose for what it was. Despite wondering why he had been worried he doesn't regret pulling away, because the next time he does it he knows that he will have no trepidation. The whole thing was very worthwhile because if nothing else (not that a mid level dose is to be dismissed but in the context of what comes next....) he has categorised his life and put everything in its place once again and can start the new week mentally fit and healthy.

What I'm trying to say is that, even in nervousness you can take positives. If there was no D then there would be no nerves, and you have to analyse and understand what your nerves say about you as a person and your relationship to what you are doing.

Dont be ashamed just take your time with the stuff.

But if you do decide to do it set and setting are important.

I used to try and force myself to smoke it which resulted in strong beautiful trips but I hesitated greatly. Now its just deciding to trip or not to trip thats the hard part.

Just stealing the thread a little bit

Is it good to smoke cannabis the day before for a DMT trip so you get into the "relaxed cannabis mode" if you understand what i mean?
I smoked for exampel 3 weeks ago and i am not in the "thinking/relaxing mode" and maybe it would help to calm down with cannabis...

I am a little bit nervous to for my first DMT trip and thinking about 30-40 mg first time just to see whats its all about

take it with acid or shrooms.. youll only need like a hit or two & no nervousness..

even i get nervous, its not like your ever gonna warm up to it, its always different always a rush

ill add that a beer or a shot of alcohol before hand helps. but be careful you wouldnt want to puke or drink too much.

I like to smoke pot before hand.. but then i feel after wards that it was a waste.. & i feel more iffy & nervous after smoking weed than sober or on another psy drug.

Ok cool,weed is making you to think to much and alcohol gets you brave...Think i just skip all that and go with the flow...Good set and setting and a good friend to be a sitter would make a good trip

SWIM has not been able to muster up the balls for a full launch in a while either. I think he's probably ready for one, but is not going to rush it. when the moment comes...

Always wait until the time is right.

I've been having the same issue. I almost took a hit yesterday after the peak of a low dose psilocybin trip but decided not to. Just holding the pipe in my hand makes my heart speed up a tad and my hands get sweaty.

DO respect this substance. However, you are always so satisfied after an experience in the right set and setting.

Nothing is more true... after every journey to date, SWIM is left telling himself, "What in the world were you anxious about? This is beauty... this is AMAZEMENT..." and he is left with 10 times the positive energy he had before lift-off.

Satisfied is an understatement. Of course, all statements are generally understatements regarding the spice.

On another note, SWIM would imagine taking a shot for the sole purpose of killing the nerves before spicing would NOT bode well with him and his journey. "What are you trying to hide from?" he imagines he would hear. It wouldn't be a problem with the alcohol itself, but with the intent behind taking the alcohol.

Those jitters, the anxiousness, the fear, even, all stem from respect, as antrocles said. You are an incredibly wise one, my friend. Do you have any youngin's? I'd imagine you'd make a wonderful father. Kind of wierd to say... but I'd be willing to bet...

Also something to note - SWIM always leaves the ganj until afterwards. For him, it's much much MUCH more rewarding this way and lends itself to remembering and getting something out of the experience as a whole. To be high beforehand, while not bad, is just really a neutral thing. It doesn't affect the journey, but it does affect that PURE afterglow the spice gives once SWIY is back to reality (not in the sense of... well... no more of that afterglow... just more of a... well... I'm stoned and this feels great...). SWIM just loves experiencing that in its full beauty for awhile, before getting lifted.

I've had the same fear and trepidation in the past. Its very easy to put it off and put it off but at the end of the day you loaded the pipe for a reason and that hasn't changed: its just nerves thats making you put off taking that next step. Its up to you when you want to do it, and by all means make sure your comfortable with the time and place & you'll get no interruptions, but at some point you have to put your hesitations to one side & just jump in and light the pipe.