I really wish I wasn't staying at my parents currently.

Here is the thing: Agression is neutral. It isn't necessarly malignant in nature. People need to chill out and accept that not every forceful social interaction is meant to hurt their precious egos. Agression can be curious in nature. It can be a sign of excitement. That's why rough sex is so hot. Boy, that escalated quickly, but you know me.

I don't understand the last post anymore. 2013 obliguhl, trying to be clever, meh.


This is the new year, so what's new ?

Not much and then...a whole lot. You know...mushrooms and more.

So i got my blanket together, my bike and my train (ok, a train) and headed into the woods.
I don't know if it is just me, but mushrooms seem to attract people like a steaming pile of shit attracts flies. Just that yours truly isn't a pile of shit, and people aren't flies.

See, trying to be clever again, i can't shake it.

Anyways, i settle in. Moss i all i can see. After 20 Minutes, finally, the pain starts. Entering the fearzone once again- whhhaaaaaaat haaaave you doneeeee!!. Silly me, refuses to drink the other half of the tea. Whatever, it's been so long....

Sometimes, i see people with dogs pass by in the distance. I'm as deep as possible in the woods, but they can still see me.....

Suddenly - SNAP. It all stops and the trip begins. It is funny how that works. The usual shivering begins, rainbow yawns and emotions. Trying to get really into it. Letting go. Listening for transmissions. No much but images of fungi growing everywhere. All kinds of fungi, lichen, sprinkled snow. The trip really starts to take off now.

Ok, im alone, i can give into the trip...

Suddenly...SNAP...i feel the urge to open my eyes and turn my head. WTF do i see?
Some old woman with a dog, hiding behind the trees, trying not to be seen...somehow Voyeuring on me? Well, what i said...pile...flies and such.

Before my inner eyes i see her getting young again until she is young enough so i can connect with her empathicaly. Or dare i say...using psychic empathy. I feel that she is just worried and trying to look out for me...i look at her for a few seconds and wait for her to say anything. Silence. So i get back to the trip...but can't really get into it again.

At this point, i kinda get worried that nothing good will come out of the trip. The fact that i'm scribbling down all sorts of "revelations" doesn't spur confidence. From psychedelic cuisine to "Did you know that a sandwhich can taste like countries and sediment layers and histories...and that we are in the belly of god, who is digesting us...history...well, it gets digested...think about jona in the belly of the wale!"

It's getting dark and all i've got is the fact that my mouth is "living" a whole universe through eating. But theeeeeeen ladies and gentlemen, the REEEEEEAL Trip starts.

How? Easy, Darkness.

My Ego unites with the transcendent power for the first time.
All my senses are amplified. Where are potential dangers? Everywhere! But i'm very capable. I'm a night hunter. An ancient warrior. I adapt...leaving the forest and entering the habitat of the genus "human". A strange world, i see with the eyes of an ancestor spirit.

It's easy to see who is dangerous....and that strong male energy is taking root in my whole body

Suddenly, yes...you guessed it..ANOTHER "Snap Moment (TM)" - A name! A name is given to me in a tongue i don't know. And a man! I'm seeing him, he is giving me strength. He is telling me his name. I can even pronounce it right. He is my ally. Looks like a south american native to me...wtf!

So in the end, the experience went from diddly squat to profound in a second.

I'll try to keep the connection with newfound friend alive.

I can see in the dark now.

After a 3y hiatus, i took 1g again.

It was quite an interesting reminder and a testament to how my ego has changed.
It has become very ridgid, which manifested itself in some sort of meta-trip, where i could see how people would come to certain trip related conclusions, that were foreign to me.
It was as if i could see everything that was happening as a mere trick of the mind. Where once was magic, now is the same cold reality. Perhaps trips change as we get older. Maybe it was my fault for only taking 1g via lemon tek.

There were a few of the usual realizations such as "Most people are disfigured by themselves and sad" or "Every reaction is just a play, just like a child plays anger. In the end it does not have meaning and we're all together, we're all trying to do our best etc etc.."

And of course the typical situation of little vignettes watching everday life...looking inside people and whatnot.

I don't know how this will continue or if it will continue at all.

edit: And suddenly i can think on low dose trips, remember a lot more. It is super weird ...also to being reminded of the trip cycle with comeup, peak and then plateau...weird very weird.

When I took a break from tripping, I felt I had lost some of the lessons that I had learned from the mushrooms. I could still articulate the things I had learned about myself and my life, but I just didn't feel the meaning of those lessons on as deep a level...

When I resumed tripping on a somewhat regular basis, I started to feel those lessons again.

For me, mushrooms teach me how to view my life from an outside perspective, and that outside perspective allows me to appreciate the positives in my life that I can't normally see due to being blinded by anxiety and fear...

I wish you the best of luck in resuming your journey obliguhl

Peace

Thank you kindly, i hope i'll have at least one opportunity to eat a proper dose this year and your post gave me hope that there is something in there for me left. This was the longest break so far and coming back was quite interesting in itself.

Honesty is Remembering

My eyes retreating into my eye-sockets, i slam my body upright "WHAAAAAAAAA CALM!"
This wave of electric tryptaforce does not take "no" for an answer, and screams arrogant egos into crying submission.

You know, these kind of people who talk about psychedelics in bold terms as if they know everything.

"yeahyeah...first part of the mushroom trip is anxiety ridden, then it all gets better"

What a douche!
Why do i keep telling myself and others this? "Pride will have a fall" would be a better lesson to teach.

Walking through this park turned otherworldy dessert island, i sit on a stone in the sweltering heat, foolishly finishing the remainder of my 2.2g lemon tek grog.

Why on earth could this douche believe that this wasn't enough yet?

So i stumble around in a little forested area and suddenly feel it with full force.

"go back to the tree go go go...."

My body starts shaking, as if i had tried to smoke DMT while standing up...so i walk faster and faster and everywhere are damn people with their dogs, hunting me , looking at me just like everything in my life tries to hunt me down

"faster faster never stop march through the pain"

Voice to Douchebag in a mockingly tone "Why do you keep tripping if its a chore to you..see its a chore! How dare you recommend it to others, even..haha"

I'm reaching the tree, closing my eyes...starting to panic....

"WAAAA CALM!"

My heart's pounding - what have i gotten myself into? Is this a bad trip? Thoughs over thoughts, all troubling, loops starting to form, cramping no escape no joy...just complete disphoria and terror.

Then suddenly sparse moments of bliss and the feeling that all will be fine just to get tumbled around again.

The voice again: "Why don't you just ask for help?"

Trust in the universe, in god and not in false douchebaggery.

So plow with my hands through the fallen beechnuts besides me and swear i'll be asking for help now and then, swear off my arrogance, be more open and humble.

But the terror would not stop. I'd try again and again just to realize that you can't pull a fast one on god...

..the one that constantly breathes down your neck like a dog
..the one that always looks at you with utmost honesty..
..the one, that DEMANDS this from you....

Honesty, nothing more really...

So i try to be honest. I accept to be looked at because being afraid of this expose is dishonesty. Anxiety is dishonesty.

And once i realize this i notice anger in my throat so i have to let that go too...
And finally...finally....the voice is somewhat satisfied. What seemed like a crossroads of some sort is now a clearer path...

"So the dialogue will continue" i get told.

What happened next fascinates me still. Something i could not have imagined:

I realized, that my ego surpressed crucial parts of my last trip in an effort to prevent me from tripping again! It made me forget the important lessons, i now got retold!

- That a trip can be a very intense way of remembering a dialogue that was started possiby since consciousness existed in which all sorts of archetypes and possibilities flow into each other in a way to allow consciousness to express itself.

- That trips are still bound by a meta trip that is waking life and always influenced by that

- That the trip can put your mind into adequate form by activating productive archetypes bound to physicality, space, time...

Felt as if a veil had been lifted and i could see how the ego always tries to prevent me from seeing real life...

I'm 100% convinced what i've experienced was real.
Like hostage able to SCREAM for help before certain contents would become unavailable, not understandable again...

So i lie under the Tree and focus on remembering, remembering the lessons and what they meant.

And yes, it is possible, it is very possible to keep part of this eternal dialogue in mind.

To sit with the dead.
To speak with yourself as a good, old friend.
To let numerous psychic powers unfold.

To remember that ONE and ONLY lesson, that only manifests itself in different forms, according to your immediate circumstances & needs.

A kindergarten for the consciousness challenged humans. So we can access what could be accessed before ego structures ran amok and created a sophisticated but unbreakable physical structure that is as virtual as anything if you think about it.

So i decide that i don't want to be distracted.

That i want to stay TRUE to the trip. Be it in Tryptamine Space or Serotonin Space.

Honesty.

So i thank the Tree for the space it provided.
I leave at sundown for the beach..to watch the ships pass by. People sitting there drinking beer. Fills me with joy to see them happy! I understand them instantly.

I walk and walk and walk for what must have been hours, moving all the good thoughts around.

I pray to my muscles to allow them to grow into a shape that allows me to realize an image of an archetype that is most helpful to the world because it allows people to ...

..deeply remember something.

..as i see them practice yoga.

..a cry for help....help me help...

I'm being held hostage...

But all you need to do to be free is to accept honesty in everything that happens.