Hi somegirl,
I'm sorry to hear you are suffering from depressions and eating disorders. I would be very careful with iboga especially when doing it alone.
Personally I have tried iboga only in very low doses and at these doses found it insufficient to help with depressions. Some people try micro-doses of harmalas / B. Caapi and say it helps with depression. I have tried this also and found it only worked for the first few days for me.
However, one-time experiences of sufficiently high dosed mushrooms or ayahuasca (analogues) have had better results for me. The oral rout with dmt (i.e. ayahuasca or analogues) is intense but not quite as scary as vaporizing it. The same goes for mushrooms. Also a big factor is dosing. I'm a bit hard-headed when it comes to getting the messages so I dose myself higher. Lots of people get the messages on lower doses which are easier to handle and not all that scary.
On one occasion mushrooms yanked me out of my depressions almost instantly, while a few years later when the depressions returned and I tried oral dmt among other things to change my perspective it didn't work instantaneously. However it did give me a perspective with which I was able to step by step work my way out of it.
As you said, the logical solution is apparent/obvious but the motivation to stick to it is not always present. I can relate to this a lot. I do believe that ayahuasca or mushrooms could help you motivate yourself or find the reasons for why you are feeling incapable of motivating yourself. It might not be an easy path to walk though. The revelations might be difficult to take. The suggestions might be difficult to follow. One of the greatest and hardest thigns I seem to have to learn over and over again in these experiences is to forgive myself so I can start doing good things for myself.
I would not recommend iboga without proper guidance! Even at small doses. I believe it will not unfold its transformative power without a guide and the proper preparation.
I would recommend looking into ayahuasca and mushrooms for possible alternatives that can teach you a lot about yourself and thus help you figure out a solution for your problems.
Good luck!
Buon viso a cattivo gioco!
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The Open Hyperspace Traveler Handbook - A handbook for the safe and responsible use of entheogens. ---
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