PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Good. Positive. Prepared. I feel better than I have in years!
(physical condition) Set: Healthy - but I'm no gym/excerise person
Setting (location): At my place
time of day: Around 15:00
recent drug use: Cannabis
last meal: Just a small yoghurt and berries

PARTICIPANT
Gender: Female
body height: 160 cm
body weight: 52 kg
known sensitivities: Light, sound and tactile sensitivity
history of use: Experienced (LSA, DXM, Mushrooms, Salvia Divinorum, Nitrous Oxide, Marijuana, Alcohol, Buprenorphine, Amphetamine, Kratom, Kanna, Tramadol, Phentanyl, Valium, MDAI, Methylone, Codeine, Various synthetic cannabinoids, Morphine, Xanax, O-desmetyltramadol, Pregobaline, Oxycontin, Dolcontin, Cocaine, Crack and now also DMT)

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): DMT
Dose(s): No idea! A small, pinky-finger nail -sized pile on a flathead screwdriver.
Method of administration: Smoked in bong (dry bong) on ash-covered screen


EFFECTS
Administration time: Seconds!
Duration: Approx. 6 minutes
First effects: Energetic, Warm feeling, Saturated colors/lights, Cellophane crackling sound, Increasing tinnitus-like sound
Peak: Do not know when the peak hit me - I didn't pay attention to time
Come down: 5 minutes approx.
Baseline: About 45 minutes later I was back to normal

Intensity (overall): 4 - Everything is relative ofc. For me though, this experience was INTENSE. One can simply not prepare for the DMT experience. I understand that now.
Evaluation / notes: I'm not 100% ready for a full breakthrough yet. I learned that from this experience. I also learned that I need to face my fears and learn to let go of control. I realised I'm much more... dependent, on control than I previously realised.


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0.
Afterglow: 0 - Effects: Energetic. A bit shaky (like after an adrenaline rush) and very talkative


REPORT
I had planned to smoke DMT for over 2 weeks, so I was very focused and determined. My sister was "supposed" to be the sitter here but she was nowhere near as hyped as me - and this affected me in a negative way I guess (which could've affected the trip).

I asked for silence, but she wanted to watch something on her laptop and the sound leakage from her headset really got to me. Anyways: So I lit up, try and take a toke. Lighter runs out on buthane and stops working. I wait a little and sure, I feel energic. Otherwise zero effects.

She hands me a lighter and I lit up. Crystals melt, I get one BIG hit. Hold it for 10 secs and then take another hit - this one so big that there's a lot of spill. A lot. The fruity smell of DMT dominates my olfactory senses. And here my journey starts.

Everything hits me so, SO, fast. Nothing could've prepared me for the incredibly fast onset of this drug. I've read and studied a lot, so this wasn't exactly "news" to me - but damn... One has to simply experience it in order to understand how FAST it comes on. The onset didn't shock me, but sure it did SURPRISE me!

Visually, colors immediatly turns much more intense. Especially orange and yellow are domineering my visual input. My wooden floor looks amazing! Vibrant orange! I look outside my window and the branches of the trees looks like lightning swaying only along one axis (side-by-side). My visual input also feels a bit like during the onset of a DXM high: I "feel" like the visual input is starting to lag behind. Closing my eyes, I see an incredibly complex, orange and vibrant fractal - circular in shape, mechanical in nature. It's morphing at an amazing fast pace.

Three sounds are noticable here. The cellophane crackling at the start of the onset, followed by an ever increasing tinnitus-like pitch like the one McKenna described. None of these really bothered me. What bothered me - or rather... annoyed me... was the background noise from my sis leaking headphones. I hear heavily distorted voices - something that is new to me. I've never experienced heavy sound distortion on any of my magic mushroom trips.

But it is my cognition and my emotions that puzzles me even today. On a concious level, this is what I WANT. I NEED to see more - I NEED to travel into my psyche. It's an urge I feel. I never took DMT with the hope of it being recreational. I wished it was gonna be, but it wasn't the primary reason. But one part of me does NOT like what is happening. My mindset appeared good prior to this experience, yet I cannot ignore that... other feeling...

Ambivalence is the word I would like to use here. The concious me wanted this, but one part of me didn't... maybe the unconcious? maybe the ego? Whatever it was, it was trying to fight the DMT. Metaphorically speaking, it was like my brain was SCREAMING: "what the heck is this you've done?". I didn't feel fear - but I'm not 100% sure (I have alexithymia - a reduced ability to put words on feelings), but I did feel a strong sense of concern. It was like I was observing this internal battle between two parts of my psyche - and that alarmed me, because I did not want the struggling side to win. I did not want to feel fear, I did not want to panic - I did not want to lose control and freak out!

After this "peak", I got out of the high just as fast as I entered it and I remembered saying to my sis: "Ok, I'm content with what I got. I don't want anymore for now..."


AFTERMATHIt's now been a week since I smoked DMT and there haven't gone a day without me thinking about the experience. I still feel an "urge" to do it again. I'm not done with it - I "have" to break through because I know inside me that while it might be unpleasant at first, it will be good for me. I need it for my personal growth because through my entire life I've always let fears be in the way for doing what I really wanted to do - or say what I wanted to say. I'm determined to get rid of all those destructive fears! It's not a question about "if" I will smoke DMT again - it's a question of "when"

hello

I believe that everything happens for a reason..It is good that you are thinking about your experience..try to keep all the positive things from it.. I use to write down my experiences..it is my kind of integration.
In my way of seeing the substance, having also tried a lot of things, is that it is totally different from any other.. in my opinion it is a really big expand of conciousness and also a connection to ones psyche, which is what you want to experience..the thing is that it is a substance that wants a very good approach, especially in the beginning.. its not like other psychedelics.. i think that while you are on the trip though, that you should not try and fight it but just observe and try to learn from it.. you need to be relaxed and in a good physical state..not tired etc.. and silent at first..and i also had some really good trips if i meditated before..so you can also try this next time and see if it helps as for the "when", i think time will come on its own..you will know it when its right!

Be well!

Yes, I agree with what you are saying Oneiro.
I know that I need to learn to let go, relax and let the DMT be the guide instead of trying to fight it. But during my trip it wasn't a concious decision by me to fight it. Either that or I haven't properly learned how to be passive in that altered state of mind.
And regarding meditation: I've always underestimated that, but I've grown to learn the benefits of it. I no longer see it as "just" some new-age hocus pocus stuff that "I do not need". My current attitude is that it's something I need to learn without a doubt. Is there any "Meditation for dummies" book around or something?

Peace

You asked a book, well I would say Eckart Tolle´s books + DMT break through will get you there, it s will definitely kill your EGO parasite and get you free of the dellusion of forms!

Life is a Dream! You will see!

Hello again Bonnie!
Idk if there is a "meditation for dummies" book around, sorry
Im sure though that if you search for meditation you will find a lot of things, and a lot of different types of meditation, to find the one that suits you best..
But i really think it could help..not just you,everyone.. and not just with these experiences but in your everyday life!
I cant help you with finding a book because i didnt learn from a book...really sorry!
Though if you want i can send you a PM with the teks i used so far... let me know if you want! I hope you will find what you seek! have fun always
Im sorry i couldnt really help!

Well I'll take a look around the bookstores the next time I'm downtown then. I mean, meditation is not exactly a fringe topic so I would assume you can find books on that in any general bookstore?

Yes of course! Your assumption is right!

Hey Bonnie,

As you know I'm a noob here, and as such I found your trip report to be really descriptive and rich with visual imagery, and a great way of becoming acquainted to this experience that I'm also pursuing based on my own deep-seeded hunches and a particular set of goals for my personal evolution.

Your insights seem really important to the experience and I appreciate you conveying them so clearly.

See you around the Nexus.

sØrce

Thanks.
I was worried that maybe I was overdoing the report, so I'm glad to hear that so many appreciate it. I will try and write my future trip reports in a similiar manner.

I've ordered a mushroom growbox so in a few weeks I'll probably be shrooming

PEACE

Enjoyed your post... I just learned the same lesson on my first try; I need to learn to not fear letting go of control, and that I may not be as ready for the full break through as I thought I might have been. Its a kind and gentle lesson, or first step, that we learned, which I'm appreciative of, vice the ass kicking I hear is possible if pushed.

Yea I saw your post today. Very similiar experience to what I had.
I posted a longer reply in your thread.

PEACE

Hey BBH, nice trip report. I enjoy the fact that your are openly discussing the integration part here.

When I started out with DMT I had several similar trips where part of me was feeling... judgemental over the part that had chosen to indulge. Kind of like what you said: "what the hell are you doing with this?" For me this was in part because the person I was living with at the time was also quite judgemental about DMT as well as society in general of course. It took me a while to get over this tiny spark of reserve, this feeling of doing something wrong.

For me being on the forum and talking to others with positive outlooks on taking psychedlics helped a lot, once I realized where the negativity was coming from.

I'm not saying that for you it is the same problem, but I think that once you identify the source(s) of it you can work through it.

Hi - thanks for the appreciation

I do not feel that is the main source of my fear - but it's definetly a part of it.
My moral compass says that this isn't something bad to do. But I'm well aware towards society's POV towards recreational drug use and that will always generate some anxiety in some situations for me. Freaking out and having the neighbors call the police would be a horrible experience for me. Combined with being slightly social phobic (fear of evaluation by others in certain situations) pretty much prevents me from doing anything but staying at home when I trip. I've only been outdoors ONE time when I did mushrooms for example and that was a very short period looking at fireworks just when the shrooms kicked in. I understand that the fears are improportional and even illogical - but that doesn't make the feeling less sucky.

But I think that in the case with DMT, this is just a blown-up version of a fear I've always had: I've always been cautious towards new experiences and activities (common symptom of autism: rigid behaviors, activities and a strong preference for everyday routine). I'm a person who goes on the wild rides and coasters at an amusement park, and I would like to skydive and bungee jump. But DMT is something completely different due to it's shear "alieness" - and I ask myself "if the onset scares me - what will the fullblown experience do to me?"

And when the DMT starts working on me, and the heartrate goes crazy and things start happening I can't help myself but having a "oh shit" -moment and feeling fearful about it. But I think that once I get over that threshold I will be better at coping with that.

IME even the best experiences with DMT start out with that "oh shit" moment. I've rarely gotten anywhere with dmt without at least one instant feeling like I've done something incredilby horrible to myself. Thankfully just after that the experience becomes too intense to cling to that thought and I am immersed in hyperspace where myself is kind of irrelevant anyway.

Nicely put together!

Yes everyone seems to say so. And now that I know this I might not get so freaked the next time I do DMT. My heart will race, and I will feel the same sensations - but at least my cognition will go "this is completely according to plan" and I will find it easier to just observe and not have so many racing thoughts - or so I hope.


Thank you This motivates me to write future trip reports!