While all you lot were harvesting pineal glands for HP-DMT I was undertaking my first brew. I decided to go with vine only so that I could find my vine dosage level so that I wouldn't waste any spice with under/over shooting my dosage. Last week I brewed 460g of caapi from a friends vine, wasn't incredibly thick but you could see the patterns in the cross section (about 2.5 cm would be the biggest piece) which I've heard means it's good to brew with and tossed a few hand fulls of leaves in. I reduced this down to 6 x 150mL doses. I probably could have reduced it further but as I learned I don't really mind the taste of aya.
I drank 1 dose over a 10 minute period and sat there meditating for 40 minutes or so. By this time I did feel different to what I normally did but I thought to myself that since I'm trying to find my sweet spot I'll try some more. I felt a tiny bit of nausea but not a lot and unlike a lot of first timers I was actually looking forward to the purge. I got up and heated another of the frozen doses. This one was much darker than the first on the account that it had all the sediments. I was hesitant at first because I didn't want to over do it and end up with the dreaded harmala headache I hear a lot about but I eventually thought stuff it, mother ayahuasca would appreciate me doing it properly
So I sit there and down half of the cup and meditate some more. I start to see in my minds eye faces of girls that have meant something to me . Their faces would flash before me and be followed by another. I come to the conclusion that the longer their faces stayed there the more unfinished business I had with them so to speak. There was one in particular who I've come since to feel bad for the way I treated her and apologized to the vision of her in my head and then another voice chimed in and said that if I were really sorry I would finish the cup and so I did without any hesitation.
I drank the rest of the cup and came to realize that the taste really isn't that bad. Anyone who whines about the taste obviously hasn't drank much Calea which in my opinion is significantly more bitter, although maybe the brew becomes more bitter when admixtures are added? Anyway back to business. I sat there and meditated again, I couldn't get deep enough to get back to where I just was but I did feel another wave of nausea come on after a little while. My mouth was watering like it does right before you spew but my body just didn't want to throw up. I tried gagging and moving my hand rapidly over my stomach to see if this would promote a purge but nothing happened. I eventually lied down and started zoning out. I started to feel dizzy and I thought that I may have over done it but it didn't phase me too much as it wasn't overwhelming by any means.
I was seeing moving shadows when I closed my eyes where I could see the outline of the object but no colour so to speak. I think I know why admixtures are called light now. I was also seeing bright flashes every so often. I started to see my grandfather who passed away from cancer a few years ago and thought about how much I really miss him which got me thinking of the last few days he was alive. On a side note it was really strange how faces stuck in my minds eye but nothing else. At first I'd see the entire body of whoever I was thinking of but it always ended up with them just being a face.
I thought about when I went in to hospital one day when he was really bad with my mum and grandmother and he told me to get out and why was I there. It got me thinking if this person I had known and adored even felt the same way about me. Amidst thinking of this I remembered how all the family got the opportunity to sit down beside him say one last goodbye but I didn't because my sister wouldn't leave the room. I realized how much anger I had toward this selfish act of hers but had a voice tell me that I shouldn't dwell on it. My sister isn't one to admit that she has done wrong but all I felt was that I wanted her to acknowledge it because it had had a long term effect on me that I was for the most part unaware of. The voice told me if my sister was this was then I should avoid causing more anger for myself by telling her about the way I felt and, to put it bluntly, deal with it because it won't change the past.
I dwelled on this for a little while but only found myself getting angrier and angrier. I eventually thought that the voice was really right. My sister was going through the same emotional roller coaster that I was at the time and that I shouldn't be hard on her without being hard on myself for every time my emotions have led me to do something which may have upset someone else. The nausea faded and I was greeted with an amazing warmth throughout my body. I said thank you mother ayahuasca and sat there in the warm embrace I was feeling. All of a sudden I saw a snake move from the center of my vision out to the side and was left with an amazing afterglow albeit I was just ready to get some sleep.
I woke up this morning feeling rather well. My whole family came into my this morning at the same time as they were leaving for work and my sister said that I should drink more of this stuff because if she usually came in and woke me up in the morning I'd be telling her in no uncertain terms to get out of my room and don't wake me up. I've been feeling great all day and I've decided that next time I drink, I'm thinking Thursday, I'll add a small amount of admixture. I think that I could have had a little less brew but since it wasn't too overwhelming and none of the other brews have nearly the same amount of sediments in them I'll be going the same dose next time.
Thanks for reading, not that this was a very difficult experience or anything but it does really help you integrate and remember more about it when you type it all out.
A.