So after a month in india i am def starting to feel very different, i was on my fifth day of panchakarma treatment and had just been to the toilet and gotten rid of some medicinal oils from my butt

After this i felt that i have to value this moment of purity so i took mt pipe, some changa and rolled a weed/charas spliff and took a 20min walk up into the jungle.



I found a great spot were i was alone, no people anywhere nearby, just me and the bugs.

I sat down and meditated for awhile before taking a hit...

I wanted to breakthrough but it was a hard hit, i didnt dare take another yet.


After 10mins i tried again, first one and then just noo, i could not take 2hits, to much fear, the dmt was scary today.



another 10mins went by and i wondered, why am i so scared, i know that i have not smoked much dmt in a while, im probably running from something, im hiding from myself and i need to stop now.

So i load the pipe full, like 2good doses or so, then i just rip it, i take one huge lung and put the pipe down...


Instantly i get the normal floating hypercube thingy, but its silver today, usually its greenish or something, then i pass out from waking life, some time goes and i feel a panicky feelng, its like dream im not aware that im feeling my own pain.

Am i screaming? what just happened, i slowly come back and realise i feel like shit inside, that is why i havent smoked dmt, my inner layers are unbalanced and not feeling good at all..


After this i felt alot better, i did something really good for myself by going up in the jungle alone and just letting go, feel the fear feel the pain its alot better now.

I will go up again today so maybe i will add something to this

perhaps its the panchakarma treatment , whatever that is , oiling your butthole might not be best for you , who knows these things anyways

Yeah i was obviosly weak and fragile after the treatments and i took ths into consideration.

But i have not been smoking dmt on a regular basis for very long time, only with friends and usually no full breakthroughs.

So i know that ive neglected something for awhile now, and think i had to go in deep at a state were i was already very broken down.

Ive been aware for awhile now that my ego is strong and smart and def can play me without me knowing.

But this time my ego had no chance to hide the truth from me

Hate to bring the whole weed thing in, but your dumpy feeling could be due to that. I went into my last profound dmt experience high as heck, certainly got a lot out of it, but I did return feeling like I'd prefer a more clearer mindstate. Weed is a complex topic... seems to work for some and not for others, or work for some sometimes and not work with one other times. I don't want to be projecting my experiences upon yours though.

"Ive been aware for awhile now that my ego is strong and smart and def can play me without me knowing.

But this time my ego had no chance to hide the truth from meLaughing" << shroomtroll wrote

Why do we assume dmt is about dissolving egos? It almost seems like an affront to the infinite nature of the experience to project this upon it. Is there a truth that is hidden? Are our egos 'hiding' it?

Dmt like any reality enhancing subastance is a tool, it can be used in several ways but for me its always been a honest punch to the heart.

It shows you exactly what is up with you at the moment you smoke it, i think that is why its hardfor me to do right now since im preety shattered right now...

Im sitting in india for 3more months and i have no idea who i am anymore, my life has gone every possible direction and just been an rollercoaster with incredible ups and awful downs as far as i can remember.


Somewhere a long time agoi started to not care anymore,i became apathic in a very young age from seing to much bad things and just a year ago i felt it was enough.


I had to start feeling again, othervice my emotions would die forever from being locked down deep inside.



So this pain i feel is the young boy crying cause he was missing something in life, a sober parent who could give him a normal childhood maybe?



Anyway im great, india is doing its thing for me, i feel alot here!! I feel great most of the time but also like total shit once in awhile...