I had my first trip on DMT a week ago. I was not mentally prepared for the experience - DMT is a far more mentally invasive drug than I had anticipated, and I stupidly took the drug on a whim while bored one night, without any thought to what possibly lay ahead.

As I peaked, I felt like I was losing my mind. When you're on other drugs, there's always some part of you that in a sense stays sober. It's "you". But on DMT, I felt like I was losing control of that part of me, that fundamental sense of self, rationality and humanity. It honestly felt like I was going crazy, like I was losing my mind and I had no control any more. This gave me a lot of anxiety, to the point where I wanted to end the experience before going any further.

I couldn't let go of my mind, I was scared, and it was just too completely overwhelming.

When I hear about other people's incredible experiences, I feel as though their sense of "self" remains, no matter how intense their experience. For me though, I felt that I would be an out of control observer had I gone any deeper into the trip, unable to comprehend anything.

Could this be the start of ego death? Was I simply having a bad trip and not used to the feeling of tripping at this level?

First al all, welcome to the Nexus breathe.

Yes, the feeling of 'losing ones own mind' or 'losing that sense of I' is a very strong hallmark of this experience. I think most here (including the vets) are somewhat used to the notion of obliterating their sense of self completely.

When you decided to "do dmt one night on a whim outa boredom", well.......dmt did you. You always have to have the utmost respect for this experience and try to prepare yourself beforehand, mentally/physically/setting. Doing this can help throw the cards in your favor.

You said that you couldn't let go of your sense of "I", you were scared, plus the overwhelming intensity that it was putting on/ This right here...you just answered your own post per say. Learn to meditate, still your thought stream, learn to LET GO.
I guarantee that the reason for your rough ride is because you were consciously resisting the inevitable conclusion, that you, have to cut the cord, at some point. Like a little boat attached to the dock, whilst the infinitly mass of stormy seas ahead, at some point you have to cut that rope and just give in.

And there's no such thing to me as "bad" experiences, just misunderstood and misguided experiences. You weren't ready for the intensity that the experience can bring forth, you resisted...resisted your own death, and therefore the experience compounded on your uncertainty and fear/anxiety...jet fuel for the fire. Let me tell you, dmt will always throw a curveball, and can take you through a never-ending cascade of experience, it can always get crazier, it can always get more intense. There's no end.

Take some time, think about the experience, integrate, write, sing, make art, exercise. As i said above, learn to still your thought stream to where you can go into the dmt experience with minimal to no thoughts beforehand. This all can make worlds of difference.

Just remember.. tat tvam asi.

I completely agree that I disrespected the drug in the fullest sense by my carelessness. Mental preparation is a concept which I am very interested in, I'm convinced that my lack of it is what led me to have a challenging experience (though I still believe the outcome was positive and I don't regret it in any way).

I want to start meditating like you say. Where do I begin? What's the basic idea?

What are some other ways I can mentally prepare myself? Do you recommend a trip sitter? Should I go out in nature?

hey breathe

thanks for sharing your experience!

Indeed as Tatvamasi says the experience of losing control is very comon with DMT and with higher doses of other entheogens. It can be very very harrowing if we are not willing to let go. It can be horrifying, because we cling to the notion that what is happening is bad and control is good, while in this particular moment, there is nothing else you can do than accept it or torment yourself.

There are many ways to mentally prepare for an experience. Some like to meditate, like zen meditation or other budhist techniques. I'm sure some here also like to do Yoga or Chigong before taking a dive into hyperspace. But there are other ways with less connections to religions or spirituality. Simply focusing a bit on intentions, perhaps writing a bit in a diary, playing some music to get you in the mood, visualizing your readiness to let go etc. can all go a long way for preparing oneself for an experience. You can get as elaborate as you like - creating your own rituals, burning incense, putting on special clothes, or keep it as plain and simple as taking a deep focusing breath.

It's up to you to find out what works best for you.

In Soviet Russia, DMT smoalks you!!

I agree with them breathe, just try to let go, you cant control DMT, you just have to lay back and experience it. I know ive been caught on a mind loop and not even focusing during an amazing experience and ended up missing some "important" stuff! Dont try to hold on to the fabric of reality as its being torn away right before your eyes. Try to calm yourself right down, breathe and smile before doing it. Relax. Nothing can prepare you for it as its so different every time. Your going to be nervous before you do it, I think even some real experienced travelers get some nervousness before taking off. Im sure your future experiences with DMT will be more positive man!

Cheers

That's the thing about DMT. You have to completely let go and have no attachment to your body or your ego. Don't fight the experience or let fear manifest, simply take everything as it is. Dont judge or overthink simply observe. DMT will rock your world, you have absolutely no control with this substance, the best advice I can give is to never dose because you're bored but always have a clear intent for using it.

Another lesson I think I've learned is know your dose. In other words, figure out the minimum amount of spice you require to launch. If you fail to launch sometimes on this dose, don't casually increase it just to break through. Accept that maybe today's not the day to break through. Relax a bit and try again later if you really feel called to.

I say this after casually doubling my threshold dose just to break through. I had a terrifying return to baseline because I forgot what DMT was, where I was, what I was doing and thought I would be like that forever. There's much less chance of that kind of thing happening on a threshold dose imho.

Don't worry breathe. Hang in there. You'll be fine. I wish you all the best on your path.