I'm a 22 year old INTP university student; I have been spending the entirety of my life trying to deal with my existence with limited success, until recently..

In the past month, my life has changed for the better. I have been finding out more about my psychology using MBTI analysis, opening up to my family, slowly increasing more value-based activities (such as relevant studying, understanding, reading), and decreasing anxiety-based activities (such as video games, drinking, smoking, hanging with energy draining ESTJs).

I've discovered regime is important; time is of salient importance to me nowadays. I plan my day with a term, weekly, and day view in mind. I write down what I want to do on a piece of paper.

In light of all these recent changes I begin to ask myself who is helping me do all this?
Is this cumulation of positive habits a temporary occurance? Won't I just relapse?

I could imagine multiple timelines where small events fracture my supposedly 'inherent' ability to pick myself up. I used to be a moral relativist, an agnostic, and a cynic; now though I have begun to revisit my belief of 'God'.
Not God in the inherently errant etymological context of religion; not God in the sense of an ideal state of morality...

I mean God as a driving force in the world that cannot be quantified.

All of these factors in my life have led me to this point; I did read somewhere here that DMT can be a catalyst for personal change if one is mentally ready. I feel that I am.

I believe that my pragmatic intention on using DMT is as equal as my spiritual intention. I do not wish to use DMT as an excuse to proliferate anxiety-based issues by 'escaping to another world'. Similarly I don't expect DMT to change my life because I really NEED a change in my life.

I believe that a combination of hard work, humility, and honesty in conjunction with understanding can be used to discover this world fully as is meant to be. If only one seeks it... You know that theory that wanting something in the universe will increase its attraction to you?

I hope that I can gain further understanding of myself, people around me, and the driving force of the world; eventually I wish to share true understanding by slow release to my environment before I seemingly disperse back into the void from whence I came.

Thanks for reading

Hello adnjoo,

Welcome to the Nexus. Thank you so much for submitting that fascinating Introduction Essay.

I'm glad to hear you feel your life has turned around for the better. These are not easy times for young folks, and there's lots of temptations for dysfunction.

Have you used any other entheogens? Were you planning on starting with DMT? Or will DMT be part of a progression of mind expansion for you?

Yes, DMT feels like a catalyst to me and yes I am one of those folks who feels change and growth (accelerated) has resulted from my relationship with the molecule. But, it always bears repeating - the most important work that leads to insight and growth happens for me after I baseline - during the active integration working time. This is just one woman's opinion. Others may feel differently.

I hope you find what you are looking for here. It's a huge site with a lot going on - please take a good look around. Again, welcome to the Nexus.

Thanks; time passes so quickly.
It's been a month but it seems like a year or more since I first posted.
Some interesting philosophers I've read up on are Jung, Nietzsche, Wittgenstein, Camus, and particularly Rudolf Steiner. I feel if the European philosophers based around Germany pre 1950s could have used DMT, LSD, they may have possibly contributed more in a certain sense.

I plan to start with either DMT or LSD which I should be acquiring sometime before or after the weekend. I've previously taken MDMA, THC, alcohol, tobacco, and amphetamine types but no working entheogens *(I've done Bali shrooms with a friend twice but entheo did not occur).

I apologize for bumping this 'intro' post but then again, a true introduction is one that is followed through with honesty and not just a passing action.

on dreams
It is confounding to me how deep my dreams go; the different levels of my dreams, such as lucid dreams under layers of forced dreams. I feel reality within the boundaries of my interaction with people in my dreams; when I remember dreams in this world, reality, the words you are reading through the screen, I can imagine the ephemeral characteristics of dream details.

How strange that I am alive now, and when I sleep I go to dream and I am alive there too! But it is a different me, and yet the same me in the dream!

Every night I dream; when I wake into consciousness I have altering modes of behaviour, or personalities. I have a small notion of the real me, perhaps the kid from the past.

Unracked with attachments, and only pure playful intentions.

To crystallise that child, with the pragmatic work value of my adult self, and allowing the anxiety based part of me to flow and not be disrupted.

This is what I am aiming for.

To live my life in such a way that I can approach every day with a warrior spirit, to first understand myself, so that I can understand the world, humans, animals, plants, objects, constructs, music, energy, force, fire, warmth and the unknown.

The hope of life bounces back so insistently even when you are faced with multiple forms of death. It ... is truly something beyond myself.

Anyway, I will write more later when I feel that I can contribute honestly.
There is so much to be written on this subject of truth, if it can be said in a phrase.

That we are living in this time, and with all the advances of complexity into singularity, the discoveries of lsd, dmt, and the development of the internet, and the globalization of the world.

It is not a coincidence but a result of the universal driver; why are +70% of global energy needs met by fossil fuels? The end product of 10^infinite dead life crushed by 10^alot BAR over hunderds of millions of years?!

Knowledge can be acquired as an awareness of ignorance, and the adoption of humility and not modesty in hard work.

I feel that we are always on the tip of the iceberg; everything that has been said is merely a minute fraction of reality.

And once we realize the iceberg we one iceberg is just one iceberg among many in a vast ocean. And.. well.

Anyways, thanks for reading..
I do hope that I can acquire the DMT by this weekend or so

*p.s. the train of thought that led me here was listening to Curtis Mayfield's Here but I'm Gone, in a period when I'm listening to music less. I was so entranced by the song I looked it up and found out it was on his last album. The delay, funky tone of the guitar, and the qualities and the history of his voice in the song echoed with certain thinkings that I had. Consequently it reled me here after I had held this post/forum in temporary storage before it was eventually reactivated.

Welcome to the forum adnjoo,

I've enjoyed your writing so far, and thank you for introducing yourself so thoroughly. No need to apologize for bumping an intro thread. It's all part of gettin to know each other, no?

DMT and other entheogens can often act as catalysts for change, in my opinion, but often it's not as easy or straight forward as one might desire. It really depends on what kind of change you are looking for and how much it will affect you. Anything that is radical will be just that - radical and thus in a certain sense painful, as transitions tend to be. The psychedelic experience can reflect this pain just as much as the euphoria of overcoming it.

One thing you should note is that the nexus does not encourage the "aquisition" of dmt or other entheogens by any other means as extracting or cultivating onesself, and talking about buying and selling must be avoided alltogether.

Happy traveling!

Welcome to the Nexus adnjoo.
I feel that a lot of entheogens can be a catalyst for growth. It helped me get out of my opiate addictions in the past and realize who i was. But it also took extreme dedication and hard work on my part. I wasn't just changed by anything. I helped myself. But the ego-killing effects i had on a few different trips helped me break the chains. I look forward to seeing you around here more. You have my vote for full promotion.