Hello Nexus,

There were many years where I spent my life within an indoctrinated closed mind. From birth until my twenties, I was trapped by a fundamentalist christian religious upbringing. I was, however, genetically predisposed to asking why and questioning my parents about the things they taught that struck me as contradictory or illogical. My predilection for questioning is what helped free me from years of brainwashing. I mention this because I feel it is relevant for you to know this aspect of my background and upbringing, to understand better where where I come from.

When I first started questioning my world view as I knew it and understood it, I embarked on a progressive transformation of my own subjective knowledge of reality, and that has given me one of the most important lessons I've learned so far. I experienced what it was like to have my entire world, as I knew it - shattered, obliterated. The second time I experienced this was with my first experience with psilocybin, which showed me the many different facets of ''reality''. During that trip, I became disturbed at the recurring thought that what I was experiencing was actually reality and that my ''real'' life was a well constructed hallucination. In the beginning of the experience with psilocybe truffles I saw incredibly fast moving closed-eye imagery that did not seem to originate from inside my brain but came from somewhere else entirely, it was so alien, so new to me, there was not one single feeling of familiarity, not even subconsciously. I felt that there was no way that I was making the intricately detailed alien visuals I was seeing. There had been nothing I have seen/watched or read that came close to what I saw while in inner space. I also experienced what I felt was akin to death - I felt that my body was dying but my consciousness was continuing on. The experience should have been terrifying but I felt that it was simply a natural transition to another state of consciousness. As I was coming back, seeing interesting visual alterations , I felt the utmost love and peace. I've never felt love like that before. I felt how connected I was to everything and everyone. It was, for me, wonderful.

A little about me: I'm a female, in my late 30's. I'm shy, introverted, quiet and an observer. I'm empathetic, compassionate and rely on my intuition, but also reason. I'm an egalitarian, humanist, and naturalist at heart, and feel that animals are not beneath humans, and relate to anarchism more so than any other political stand/belief.

My most favourite place to be as a child was by myself in nature. I felt a part of it, of everything. I have carried the universe in my mind since I was a teenager- the big blackness of space filled with galaxies, stars, nebulae, star systems with planets. Trying to imagine the vast limitless of space used to leave me reeling and so infinitely tiny and insignificant, and it still does, but now I feel part of it, and not so utterly alone. I'm fascinated with paranormal phenomena, the belief in auras, astral projecting / OBE's, chakras, and some aspects of Buddhism (not the religious part so much).

I have had two experiences with DMT & Harmalas, several with psylocibin truffles and Golden Teachers Mushrooms, and I also smoke cannabis, but usually just one joint at night.

I am working on learning to meditate more effectively. I am learning so many new ideas and theories about life, death, our physical reality, that has also been a catalyst to me changing my personal feelings about atheism, and now am much more open to new theories about our material reality and our universe. I have been a lurker/reader here for many months. My husband is a (well respected) member here and has been for about a year and a half. I've been curious to join, but felt reluctant because I felt/feel inadequate, ignorant and out of my league. I decided to just stop letting my feelings of uselessness keep me from finally making an account.I have so much to learn, and am looking forward to doing just that. I don't have much to share by the way of knowledge or experience, but what I can contribute, I will. I am looking forward to getting to know the people here, and to continue my journey of learning with entheogens and from others knowledge, wisdom and experience.

Welcome, Tranquil!

I'm an even noobier noob that you, so I can't say much that you don't already know, but I wish you happiness and success in your search for whatever you are searching. Like you, I'm also working on attaining that stillness at the heart of the meditation experience, so my very best wishes for your success in that endevor!

I don't know if I can be tagged as "well respected", but I can totally vouch for Tranquil

Glad you decided to join and post

Thank you, Red Cat and Vodsel

Welcome to the comunity of nexians!

I greatly enjoyed your introduction and hope to see you around more often! This is an interesting place and not all we share with each other is based on chemistry or plant knowledge or far-out-there psychedelic experiences. Contributions that are written with heart and mind in my opinion are very valuable to our little tribe of explorers here, regardless of expertise in any of the main fields.

I hope you enjoy the forum. As of now, you have full access to it.

godspeed.

Welcome Tranquil! I look forward to hearing more from you in the future

Thank you, Enoon and Global,

I am so happy to be here. I'm looking forward to reading (I have much to catch up with) and participating.

Tranquil,

Great to have you here! I have always very much enjoyed Vodsel's thoughtful, intelligent responses, and it seems you are that way too... It's easy to think that when around others who might be more experienced, that you may not have anything of value to say. But this conversation is important, and in some ways you may have more to contribute as a newcomer, being in the midst of such profound transition but at the same time being mature enough to reflect on it meaningfully and share. I look forward very much to hearing more from you!

Welcome to the DMT nexus

Welcome Tranquil.

Welcome! Well if that's not a fast track to membership, then I don't know what is

I lurked for months and have been a member for a little while and learn something new every day here. I too wish I had more to contribute and every now and then I help a "noob" or two by repeating the knowledge I have picked up here... I learn so much here but more importantly I find the caliber of members on the Nexus second to none, and your hubby Vodsel is no exception. He has set me straight a few times and certainly taught me a thing or two through his posts. I have no doubt you will be right at home here.

Great intro and glad to hear you carved out your own path. My brother is a hard core fundamental Christian and sadly because of it I really have a hard time relating to him. It's like talking to him through a filter.. anyhow, WELCOME

Thank you, Guyomech, Jamie, Hostilis, *oneironaut*; for the wonderful warm welcome.

I feel really lucky to have had the opportunity to be here, to be part of this community of travelers, explorers and sages.

I just wanted to make clear that the religion I came out of, was not just of one of the many standard sect of Christianity, it is more akin to a cult. It was/is a very controlling, suppressing mindset, and in no way represents how I feel about Christianity in general. (I did not want to give the impression that I am against christianity or persons who identify themselves as Christians.)

*oneironaut*, Don't give up in trying to relate with your brother, I used to be unable to listen to others who tried to would give me an alternate point of view that was in contradiction with my ingrained beliefs. It actually was a fellow believer that got me to start allowing the possibility of questioning what was I was being taught. She told me, just read your bible, not the bible they have written (it was a bastardized translation that purposely omitted any and all scriptures that spoke about or referred to the dogma of the Trinity), but other translations as well. I found huge discrepancies between their bible that I was told was the correct translation and all of the other major translations.

So that started me on my path to find out more and the more I learned, the more I saw just how much I was lied to, mislead, and misinformed. It was also reading the Bible from cover to cover (not just cherry picking certain scriptures) without a filter, just reading it as it is, that made me realize just how many contradictions it contained and gave me the courage to see it from a more objective point of view.

Cognitive dissonance can be very strong, but if you keep pointing out the small but many various contradictions in their beliefs, it's just a matter of time before those bits of information and facts shout out louder than the deeply held beliefs, and they can no longer ignore the tugging, the whisper of that voice in their mind that is telling them, ''there is something not quite right''.

Thousands of people have left the branch of religion that I grew up in.....so it is possible to break free from mind control, and realize that one can think for themselves, even if it is terrifying at first.

Thanks Tranquil

I love him just the same and of course there are other factors at play as well. We get along just fine, but over the years our paths have been so different that our personalities, interests and beliefs are so different.. My parents are strong Christians as well, but they are more level headed about it and don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Christianity or most religions for that matter... your former sect does sound like a doozie though! I do believe in "God" and really try and keep that a mission for my own heart, I am simply leery of any establishment with so much power that is organized by a hierarchy.

All good You sound very grounded and free from your former "shackles"

What a beautiful introduction essay. From the indoctrination to the questioning to the relationship with nature...I really can't tell you how much of that resonates with me in a very powerful manner

I'm very glad you decided to join the Nexus. Welcome to our small corner of teh interwebz.

I hear you, as for my still believing siblings ....I haven't had any contact with them nor my nephews/nieces for about 10 years now...they consider me an apostate, and therefore dead, or as good as dead. :/ (my parents are not together) My mother started talking to me again, even though she's still a hard core believer in the organization. My father left the organization but still believes in YHWH and the bible as god's word, but no longer participates in the cult, he and I are on good terms.

It feels very good to be free.




Thank you, SnozzleBerry,

it's really nice to find others who understand where we've been....I aspire to the day that humanity won't have to struggle against corruption, greed, monopolies of faith and corporations, and we'll all have come from a childhood where we were not only *allowed* to be ourselves but be encouraged to be without restraints or conditions, and instead of told what to think; how to think, and just be accepted and loved for who we are. I imagine the world would be a better place if that could happen. Change takes just takes a few people to share their experiences and knowledge and hopefully the next generation will expand on that knowledge and love....and teach their children. I really do wish for that, and if or when that happens, everyone will be able to connect and have something so important in common with one another - the ability to truly love and be loved, and not have to overcome pain, mistrust and anger in adulthood. I guess that sounds naive of me, or unrealistically optimistic, but I'm okay with that.

Truly sorry to hear of the family rift, and especially due to a distorted religion. Religion should open the heart not close it.

On the bright side, that makes me and my brother look like BFF's