Hello all,

This is my first post on the forum, although, I've been lurking for some time.

I am having trouble integrating a bad trip.

A few days ago I had the most painful trip imaginable. I feel far from lucid right now, so explaining it in full doesn't seem possible, but I’ll try to give you a general idea. Basically, I feel as though I was tricked by a series of entities to give up a part of myself. The trip climaxed when I felt a part of myself/soul being taken away and it it's place all I could feel was an incredibly ominous icy cold sensation - somewhere between the front of my chest and the back of my neck. This feeling persisted for a couple of hours afterwards until I went to sleep.

I am an "artist" that is successful enough to live off my "art". For better or worse, I am a ridiculously sensitive and emotional person. I feel like this part of me in particular was very interesting to these entities. The ability to love. The desire to be loved. The ability and desire to turn pain into love/art etc

Even now, a few days afterwards I feel a part of myself missing. I feel as though I can't cry - something I've never had any trouble at all with in the past.

The spice has always played with my greatest desires and fears. For lack of a better word, I am a very spiritual person. I value my soul and its experiences more than anything. I recognise that I was shown my deepest fear. What I'm having trouble with is telling myself that I didn’t experience it. That this isn't for keeps. Eternal.

The icy cold sensation in my body is something I’m really struggling with. It felt so real, and I’ve never experienced any physical sensations from spice in the past. It may sound silly, but it felt as if they milked my soul.


Thank you for reading. Any help/advice/words would be greatly appreciated. I’m really terrified.

Maybe that something that has been taken was not of use anymore. Give it time to understand it's effects.

Remember that your experience is yours only, created and dedicated to yourself. I hope you get better and integrate this into your life. I would like to see some of your art if you don't mind sharing

Sending you good vibes and love. Travel safely !

Perhaps you should create some art that reflects this dilemma. Perhaps a black-hole like thing sucking color out of a beautiful scene or something like that. Be creative and don't let them get to you.

It also should be noted that you have two choices. The "safe" thing to do and what many would recommend is to stop DMT use for a while, which may very well be the best idea. I feel inclined to point out however, that if I were in your shoes (and I have been a number of times - at least in terms of coming back frightened and psycho-spiritually hollow), that I sometimes ere on going back into hyperspace to rectify the situation. This can of course go both ways, but it has worked for me. Most importantly though, whichever route you take, I would work on creating more art in the mean time. Don't let them get to you. The most powerful they get is when you're paying attention to them the most.

The most effective thing I have found is to talk it out with someone close to you that you trust. Someone who is willing to listen and avoids sharing their own interpretation. Then give it time. You never completely unlearn what you learn and it is sometimes funny how the mind tends to grab ahold of the basic and most human and easily understood aspects of the experience. You will figure it out and you will be fine. If you feel you are having anxiety you obviously know of short term ways of eliminating that. I have had to go that route after a breakthrough once before.

The memory of it begins to fade into a short story as does the intensity of it being real. Except, that obviously when you were there, it was. Think over what you have seen and felt because sometimes it takes a day or two to remember hidden scenarios from within the experience that are sometimes vital to understanding the message if it was a concrete message or not.

I say get back in hyperspace with serious intention of retrieving that part of your soul back but that is something I would do. If this problem persists in the long run. However, I highly recommend seeking a real shaman who is able to do soul retrieval or learn how to do it yourself. A book I would recommend is Medicine for the Soul by Ross Heaven.

Everyone,

thank you so much.

I can't tell you how much just a few words help. I've tried talking to a couple of people, all with no DMT experience, and obvously it's very hard for them to understand and offer more than "you just had a bad trip".

The last few days I've have been struggling to the point of taking seraquel (a horrible anti-psychotic I always keep on hand in the event of bad trips) in order to sleep/cope.

Going back into hyperspace is definitely something I've considered, but I'm terrified I'll lose more. I think I will try to find a shaman.

Perhaps nothing was lost at all . It could be just
An idea that you may be taking too seriously.
Not too downplay the experience in any way .
Perhaps reframing the experience to say nothing was
Taken from you .

In my own experience I have found myself
Getting way too serious about my experiences.
Many times in reflection I' ve discovered that my imagination
Was my worst enemy and concepts about my experience
Got way out of hand. You don't have to be a victim
Of these entities , you can take your power back .
In my opinion they cannot take anything from you .
It's all about what you choose to believe.

I recently had a breakthrough that I felt difficult. From reading other trip reports I was given an easy time but it was just so powerful. I had no idea.

I was having a really hard time integrating. Luckily, a band mate brought an actual shaman. I could not envision the images she was trying to conjure, Earth type stuff. But, I could feel the energy in me being displaced in a strange way.

Some of the information worked in my dreams. She said my spirit animal was a wolf and one night during some difficult DMT like dreams a black holographic wolf appeared and chased it all away. The only other thing that helped ease my mind was valium. I wish it had not come to all of that, but it can.

These 'ice cold' sensations that you've had i've also had about a dozen or so times throughout hundreds of journeys. It's VERY physical in feeling. That last time I recollect I was in a heated garage (in the winter time), I had an extremely intense breakthrough and immediately I was enveloped by this ice cold vibratory wave, and it remained throughout the enitre span of th experience and was residual a good hour to hour n' a half after. I honestly had thought someone opened the garage or something, due to the intensity of this sensation. I remember saying to my self "this sensation is just that...a sensation...it is not the experience and I will not let it get to me". I then remember focusing away from the sensation, although enveloping, and then I was transported to another level of experience, while the sensation was still present, it was secondary and the experience got extremely warm and euphoric and VERY intense throughout the remainder. It became muchh more manageable.

I wrote this because I want you to know that many of us have been there. I remember also one aspect to the experience, I opened my eyes and the external was not IN ANY WAY changed or morphing...nothing! But when I closed my eyes again it was full force and extremely intense. Very odd...not sure if this icy sensation had anything to do with it, but it was very interesting to open my eyes and everything to be completely normal in perception yet extremely visual upon closing.

My advice is to take some time away and integrate. Write, sing, make art, meditate....anything that will help bring a balance upon your mind and help to settle the waves a bit so you can be calm and collected in the midst of your new perceptual learnings. Do anything that will make you happy and bring you in the present moment, because in most cases like this, that will help you tremendously in coming to terms with your new insights.

Think of it this way...when your frustrated, nervous or scared you can't think too clearly can you? Now when you completely calm, cool, collected, 'in the moment', ideas/feelings/insights will be that much more clear to where things will make much more sense, and that's where integration happens imho.

Good luck on your own perpetual unfolding.

Much love bro, and..

Tat Tvam Asi

This is not advice, so much as a suggestion. Since you are an artist, I would suggest to take advantage of it. There are many areas with in the center of creativity. Perhaps you should explore the one you have tapped into. Work your art. Let it center around your experience. As an artist, you bring your experience to your art. Given your description, this might be a darker side of yourself that simply needs to be expressed within your art. You have been expressing that loving and caring side of yourself through your art; at least I assume, understanding artistic expression and given the description you've painted of yourself. Perhaps, that darker side was just part of your psyche that desires to be expressed and acknowledged as well. By expressing it within your art, you can then more easily come to terms with it because the action of expressing it helps you get it out.

Anyway, don't take this too deeply, it is just a suggestion.

I have had difficult trips before with DMT and particularly with the mischevious nature of some "entities" I too have felt as if they were manipulating me and controling me in disturbing ways (see my post titled Don't Thumb Your Nose at the DMT). What broke me through that mindspace was realizing that it was all in my head. All of the mental fragmentation and hollowness that I felt in those trips was due to my focus on things. All I had to do is refocus. It's like a mind game that you esentially play with yourself. It's all about your locus of control. Do you control your mind, or do the entities? Once I asked myself that question I was able to answer that I control my mind.

If you feel the entities took something from you, if you feel it's something that you need, try to figure out what that is specifically, like a riddle. Maybe you can find it again in a dream (lucid dreaming). Maybe you can reintegrate it just by thinking. Think.
What is it that they took from you? What is it that you need to be whole?

Also, if you're afraid, there is only one thing that can conquer fear . . . and that's love.

Good luck to you, I know you'll figure it out. - Peace.

I feel for you, albertayler. A difficult dmt experience is a visceral thing that can really linger in your mind and senses. It has taken me well over a year to process a bad experience, during which time I was completely unable to use dmt. We're only now just reconsidering our friendship, but are still a bit standoffish.

What has helped me is to write it all out and talk about it whenever I had fellow travelers to communicate with, especially in person. Many times over the following months. Over time new realizations came to me such as knowing that the test I was given by an entity during the bad trip (that I must solve this particular puzzle or else existence itself ends) was simply not true. It sure felt true at the time, and at my failure to solve the puzzle I've never felt such an intense, real feeling of despair and anguish that everything (the universe, me, existence, etc.) had ended, and that it was all my fault! Apologies to anyone who experienced everything ending in July, 2011, I really didn't mean to cause it! It surprises me that it took me weeks to realize that the choice I was presented (solve this or else!) was not true. It wasn't true, but in my mind during the experience it sure seemed true, and even with reality being where it should be upon my emergence from the trip, it still felt so bad. The mind is a funny thing when it latches onto an idea, especially an incorrect one.

My experience is different than yours. From the many things I've read here it seems most of us eventually stumble into our own personal hell, but we don't have to stay there forever. Eventually we fumble our way out, one way or another, and are stronger and wiser for it.

I wish for you all the love you need to find your healing and a return to peace.

Namaste!

Really?

Please.. no fear momgering sgtWow. Please don't speak as if what your presenting is fact.

Unless you have some sort of factual evidence or legit sources, please just stop right there.

That painfully long quote (let's not get into details about the contents) appears in a book from an expansionist religious movement founded in 1992 in China. Besides the selection of "laws of the universe" quoted here, you might also consider this:



Which makes me wonder what is sgtWow doing here in the first place, if he takes the stuff so seriously.

To albertayler, previous posts have given good and sound advice to keep in mind. There is no need whatsoever to resort to ancient animal spirit possessions and modern cults to channel your questions and your integration process.

Ive come to the realization that for me and if you take the time to rip apart your "self" and "ego" then you will have clear sight of the wisdom and knowledge you've always possessed, that when I've had a bad trip I carefully analyse the visions and feelings and they have always pertained to something that needed to be changed, for instance I used to drink heavily I'm talking pantera balls to the wall everything alcohol freakin snorting a bottle of alcohol ive played guitar for 13 years We were jamming from arlington to Louisiana and every town in between it was total chaos all night all day party, and when I had this bad trip I saw daemons on my wall head banging while there flesh was falling and flying everywhere and as one crawled under another it ate the one standing only to stand itself and be eatin while head banging his flesh off as well , and within this bad trip I studied my actions saw my life and what it was and would've done to me and my body, I would killed or been killed by now , but I'm not because I processed this information wisely and do not drink at all anymore I was 16-21 then and believe me I was that guy that was doing it all the life of a party, "bad trips are a look at yourself a look at yourself naked spiritually and there's a force saying look at you is this what you want if so the delve into the chaos but if your choose life then wake up open the vale of wisdom and knowledge and most importantly love and you will find your way no matter what you know love is your key and let wisdom and knowledge be your path" as I've said before we must recrystallize the essence of god which is us for purity

Ive come to the realization that for me and if you take the time to rip apart your "self" and "ego" then you will have clear sight of the wisdom and knowledge you've always possessed, that when I've had a bad trip I carefully analyse the visions and feelings and they have always pertained to something that needed to be changed, for instance I used to drink heavily I'm talking pantera balls to the wall everything alcohol freakin snorting a bottle of alcohol ive played guitar for 13 years We were jamming from arlington to Louisiana and every town in between it was total chaos all night all day party, and when I had this bad trip I saw daemons on my wall head banging while there flesh was falling and flying everywhere and as one crawled under another it ate the one standing only to stand itself and be eatin while head banging his flesh off as well , and within this bad trip I studied my actions saw my life and what it was and would've done to me and my body, I would killed or been killed by now , but I'm not because I processed this information wisely and do not drink at all anymore I was 16-21 then and believe me I was that guy that was doing it all the life of a party, "bad trips are a look at yourself a look at yourself naked spiritually and there's a force saying look at you is this what you want if so the delve into the chaos but if your choose life then wake up open the vale of wisdom and knowledge and most importantly love and you will find your way no matter what you know love is your key and let wisdom and knowledge be your path" as I've said before we must recrystallize the essence of god which is us for purity

I can understand your fear, but I struggle with the idea of a "bad trip". Often times the medicine forces us into situations that are uncomfortable and unpleasant, but ultimately good for us. Please understand I am not trying to discount your experience, merely offer another way to understand it. It is possible, there there was a block in your energy that you had grown so accustomed to that it was disturbing and fearful when it was removed. It may also indicate that there is a part of you that is no longer needed. Instead of trying to explain the emotion and analyze it, try to connect with what you are feeling and release it to the universe.

Some of the best work that we do in our self-healing happens when we confront our shadow material. Coming face to face with our deepest fears provides us with the opportunity engage in dialogue with those fears, and ask them what they from us in order to heal. I offer the suggestion of being creative, perhaps in a way that opens up this dialogue. Perhaps these entities weren't stealing anything from you, but instead showing you something that needs attention. I would also suggest meditation of some sort, and if you can find a shaman or a counselor who is rooted in transpersonal/spiritual work to help you along, that would also be an option. Best wishes and healing energy to you as you work through this experience, you are not alone.

Definitely steer away from the fear. That black hole is always there for you and it's your task to keep perspective, keep faith in the process. You'll have the most powerful leverage over your situation if you view the incident as metaphor. I would echo the sentiments of other posts here that the coldness and loss could in fact be about leaving behind a comfort zone that you have outgrown. Like a favorite teddy bear, it may ache a little, but its a part of the process of growth.

I'd also echo the sentiments of Global and Elemotion- express this thing creatively. I'm an artist too and always use my experiences, good or bad, as fuel for inspiration. That's the best way to integrate this kind of thing.

Over the course of around 300 trips on various substances, four of them have been powerfully challenging for me. In retrospect, these incidents have been some of the most potent catalysts for change in my life. Hang tight, keep your chin up... It will all slot into place. You'll be stronger for it.