Hello nexus,

I have not been on here in some time, i have been dealing with things, but i am excited to be back!

I have been thinking awhile, and it's usually when i don't take my ssri medication ( i ran out three days ago and couldn't get some, i have to get them tomorrow) that i start thinking my hardest.

My thoughts are jumbled. I know they fit together, but it's like a puzzle. i can't find which piece goes with which piece. i can't put my thoughts in a correct fashion, to form a central idea. I want to do this, but there is this and this and this and this and this that stop's that from happening, all the while i know my heart wants this.

Am i crazy?
Maybe so.


I just want to go away. I want to leave this corporate world, i don't want to work for this government, i don't want to see propaganda, i don't want to live like every other american does, chasing the american dream, i want nature. i believe i need nature. This world has forgotten so much of who we are and where we stand in life, where we truly stand, where we truly came from, and what truly matters.

It sickens me, this modern world, industrialization, the destruction of the world we are so luckily allowed to live on, people claiming it, destroying it, putting a price tag on everything that exists as if this world is ours. As if it belongs to us.

I always think, day after day, none of this matters. I see the struggle that people go through, with money problems, obstacles they strain themselves to go through just to be "successive" in the eyes of the community, in the eyes of the government, so that they can work and pay just to survive. To lavish in the materialistic world. It fogs their mind. I don't want to be these people. I don't want to kiss the ass's of dressed up pigs (see animal farm).

It may be crazy, and i most likely will never do it, but i always imagine myself just going away. Just going somewhere, into the wilderness, and living. To get in touch with nature, to get in touch with myself, and to forget everything which fogs our minds. I want to be in the mountains. As ancient people used to do. I wish i could change this world. But i can't. I shouldn't have to conform to what every american is being forced to do, being forced through this system. I don't know what to do. i hate this. But none of it matters, in the end. The only thing i know that matters to me is love. You can't buy it, it was not created by anything, it is natural, and has been since the beginning of time. I think love is the most powerful thing, and that we should focus on it. It's not here for no reason, we love for a reason, maybe it continues after. Nobody knows. I just know that love has more importance than anything, and maybe the world needs love. A lot of it.

Have you ever watched into the wild it may inspire you. peace.

-He had a map with him. This map showed the Denali park road about 10 miles away from the bus where he stayed. It wouldn't have been an easy hike, but it was certainly doable … especially considering it's over 20 miles to get to the bus by the route he originally took.

-He poached a moose and let the whole thing rot. This means he was attempted to hike off into the middle of nowhere, thinking he would hunt to survive, without any idea how to preserve meat.

-The river he crossed to get to the bus in the first place has a good seasonal run of grayling (fish). One person can quite easily build a fishwheel (out of nothing but the trees around him) that would basically allow you to scoop fish straight out of the river (a traditional technique used by the natives here - said to be of chinese origin - it is a very commonly known method among almost all alaskans). He also could have taken some birch branches, tied them into a cone with spruce roots, and made a dip-net, which is REALLY efficient at catching fish. He even had a fishing pole on his person, and either did not think to fish the river, or did not successfully do so (which is somewhat baffling either way)

-He tried to hike back out at one point, but noted that the water level had risen enough that he could no longer cross the river safely. This indicates that he wanted to get out of there when he was still well enough to hike 20+ miles back the way he came … remember the map? and the Denali park road only 10 miles in another direction from the bus?

-Less than a mile downstream on the river in question, there is a manual tram he could have used to cross. There is also a spot about a mile upstream where the riverbed "braids" and the water is much shallower … also a spot he could have crossed. He apparently walked neither up nor downstream while trying to cross (this is in spite of his possession of a map).

-There is no indication whatsoever that he ate anything poisonous. The wild potato seeds branded as toxic in the book turned out not to be poisonous at all. The book was published before the full lab analysis was completed. Also, he did not mistake the potatoes for wild sweet peas. He knew what he was eating.

-He left an SOS note taped to one of the bus windows saying he was injured and too weak to hike out and needed help (while his autopsy revealed no sign of injury). The SOS note was evidently not shown in the movie.

Fact is, McCandless was at the bus plenty long enough to starve to death naturally, and during the later stages of starvation, delirium, disorientation and physical weakness are severe (remember that he thought he was badly injured himself when he actually wasn't). This means once you reach the "tipping point" of starvation, as it were, you're unable to effectively hunt or forage any more, which greatly accelerates the final stages of death.

"When you consider McCandless from my perspective, you quickly see that what he did wasn't even particularly daring, just stupid, tragic, and inconsiderate. First off, he spent very little time learning how to actually live in the wild. He arrived at the Stampede Trail without even a map of the area [apparently a map was discovered on his person (with no compass), which would seem to indicate he just did not know how to use it]. If he [had] had a good map he could have walked out of his predicament [... ] Essentially, Chris McCandless committed suicide."

Farming and living straight of nature is hard work. It's more than just taking care of some flowers.

You are not the only dreamer here , there are many including me

Living in the rain forest or any forest off grid is hugely challenging.That is until you have to haul water from the Amazon river a 1/4 mile up hill to water your garden, forage and then chop firewood for your meals

i hope some day you'll join us.. and the world can live as one.


would constructing irrigation ditches be feasible? i would assume some gravity-fed trenches lined with wood would well be worth the time to construct it (say, 4 months?).
also if it rains so much, is watering a garden necessary?

i chop firewood where i live anyways, so i have no complaints with that, the other stuff doesn't sound pleasant, but the amazon never seemed all that appealing to me (i just want a good climate for plants where i can be left alone - wherever that may be).