Hello nexus,

I have not been on here in some time, i have been dealing with things, but i am excited to be back!

I have been thinking awhile, and it's usually when i don't take my ssri medication ( i ran out three days ago and couldn't get some, i have to get them tomorrow) that i start thinking my hardest.

My thoughts are jumbled. I know they fit together, but it's like a puzzle. i can't find which piece goes with which piece. i can't put my thoughts in a correct fashion, to form a central idea. I want to do this, but there is this and this and this and this and this that stop's that from happening, all the while i know my heart wants this.

Am i crazy?
Maybe so.


I just want to go away. I want to leave this corporate world, i don't want to work for this government, i don't want to see propaganda, i don't want to live like every other american does, chasing the american dream, i want nature. i believe i need nature. This world has forgotten so much of who we are and where we stand in life, where we truly stand, where we truly came from, and what truly matters.

It sickens me, this modern world, industrialization, the destruction of the world we are so luckily allowed to live on, people claiming it, destroying it, putting a price tag on everything that exists as if this world is ours. As if it belongs to us.

I always think, day after day, none of this matters. I see the struggle that people go through, with money problems, obstacles they strain themselves to go through just to be "successive" in the eyes of the community, in the eyes of the government, so that they can work and pay just to survive. To lavish in the materialistic world. It fogs their mind. I don't want to be these people. I don't want to kiss the ass's of dressed up pigs (see animal farm).

It may be crazy, and i most likely will never do it, but i always imagine myself just going away. Just going somewhere, into the wilderness, and living. To get in touch with nature, to get in touch with myself, and to forget everything which fogs our minds. I want to be in the mountains. As ancient people used to do. I wish i could change this world. But i can't. I shouldn't have to conform to what every american is being forced to do, being forced through this system. I don't know what to do. i hate this. But none of it matters, in the end. The only thing i know that matters to me is love. You can't buy it, it was not created by anything, it is natural, and has been since the beginning of time. I think love is the most powerful thing, and that we should focus on it. It's not here for no reason, we love for a reason, maybe it continues after. Nobody knows. I just know that love has more importance than anything, and maybe the world needs love. A lot of it.

I know exactly what you mean. I have struggled with ideals of anarchism for most of my life. Smoking the spice has only revealed all of the power controls and manipulations that this world connects a citizen to.

My last breakthrough though, it really seemed to suggest that this world is ordered in the way that it is for a reason. A reason you and I are likely to disagree with. The shaman told me... saddle the $#$* up. That is what spice can teach a person. We are lucky to be on this fragile planet but war is everywhere, even in hyperspace. For me as well it has made me eager to seek out a way in which to live more with nature and less with technology but I am still of this order and here I am posting this message to a board deep in the information network of humanity.

i have a similar fantasy.

just survive off what you grow and fish..

i don't know if i will act on it either, but my desire for it is quite powerful....

It can be hard man, there has been a few times where i have just felt like dropping everything and living simply. But the current world system is impossible to sustain and will crash so MAJOR changes will occur if we are to survive. I don't know if you have heard of Zeitgeist Moving Forward but it is life changing stuff, free on youtube.

So many people out there are producing incredible information, technologies and destroying common held illusions in our traditional values that we hold today(our theories on genes, what promotes abhorrent and positive behavior in people, money for labor is no longer relevant) that we could truly make a paradise with what we know today. Highly advanced clean technologies applied to the social system for everybody on the planet, in line with the laws of nature. The movie really changed my life and has always kept me going, i hope it can do the same for others. For now, i can try my best to be sustainable knowing what is available to me now, and what will be when we are ready to say 'yes' to it. I've thrown one of the intro clips below.

Moving Forward Clip

Feeling the same way, but have a slightly different goal/idea in mind.

I am striving to be self-sustainable in this world/society/community. No one to rely on except myself and god/life/higher power.
Living off the grid, producing my own food, producing my own financial income, etc.

Also, helping people become self-sustainable is another one of my goals. I know I will make these happen. They will come to me in time, in trust, and in action.

It's important for all of us to connect with nature. I often go out and hike, camp, just be with nature as much as possible.

A warning: it gets harder and harder to come back to this life the more I do it. Every time I go out for a few days and return, it's more harsh and sickening than before.

I truly hope we can make a return to that sort of living. I'm not sure if we can...I think we've gone too far in the opposite direction sometimes. Still, one can hope...

I did exactly that. I moved out of the stress of the urban modern city and left the country and moved to the countryside in Spain. I try to grow as many foods and medicine as possible and trade as much as we can.

There is a growing movement towards self-sustainability and there are wonderful communities being build.

I have to say that you dont need much to live off the land, it is just the fear of not knowing what are you heading into. Also, people in the urban environment lost the knowledge of sustaining themselves as we became more and more confortable in our small concrete boxes.

You can even build your own house with your bare hands if you really want to. The first step is always hardest.
Even though we are not changing the world, we create our own, where things work out easier and life is more simple.

We help each other and try to be the best we can everyday, we live in harmony with nature and it provides more than enough for us. It is not about survival, its about living your life to the fullest and feel alive and grateful everyday

Blesses !

NO

First off, the only sanity is insanity.. You are not crazy.

I've been chasing the dream of off grid living for many moons, it is more than possible.

Perhaps you might want to look into a stay with an intentional community, or even a liberal minded small town in the PNW, that’s what I'm currently doing. Everyone here dumpster dives and grows their own year round, more bikes than cars on the roads.

You don't need to become a recluse just to find what you seek. Unearth it, try supplementing by being your own farmer and practicing sustainability. Live deliberately.

-Robert Frost

Bless your path,
Dai

I share these thoughts. I've always wanted to do it, but I just don't want to do it alone. And I feel that maybe, it is not the time yet. What am I waiting for? Someone to come with me?

It's definitely very tempting.

Considering I did exactly what your discussing, sold my house, business, furniture, all my possessions and went to live with the shipibo after 9 month back pack from mexico to south america maybe I could give my perspective on these types of desires and endeavours.

Shoot, I think you describe the sentiments of a growing majority! Sound pretty sane to me man.

maybe you could indeed...

I would be very interested brother!

I've been meaning to ask you about that!

I'll will just st soon as I can. I have a lot of thoughts on this matter so it may take me a few to find the time and proper head space to convey these experiences properly. I just wanted to see if anyone was interested before i write.
Thanks well talk soon, promise.
OM'

i am also looking forward to your post OM , all of your posts especially the ones on Ayahuasca ceremonies have inspired me a lot ,

You and so many others. I say this, not to poke holes in your notion but to remind everyone that no one wants to be a slave. Some just happen to be better at it than others. Life is a journey, life is a goal. What truly matters? That's hard to say. Food and water. Outside of that, it's hard to come to an agreement. I personally believe the real revelation is that so many of use are on this journey. Help each other. Pass it on. Other than that...it's mostly chaos.

I can relate to this. I left the uk and bought a ruin in the pyrenees to do up and live in the country. I am still on the grid, i get electricity and phone bills and i work for the locals repairing stuff for a bit of cash or exchange of goods/services and i am cultivating an allotment. Collecting your own wood for heating and drinking water is very therapeutic and gives a sense of simple accomplishment.
Life is very relaxed and i haven"t been more settled in my head until now. I have become quite idealistic about society living in my little bubble. Life ain"t perfect but it sure ain"t bad either.
Its a big step to take and you may need a bit of wedge for starters but what are the options? You regret the things you don"t do rather than the things you do (well i usually do).
Living on a boat can be cheap, you can move about and on the river it is very tranquil, you don"t get as much grief off of the man as you would in a habitable vehicle IME.
I am already planning the following phase, finish the house, flog it and buy a bit of land by a river with a decent amount of sun. Its always good to dream

I believe that is exactly what his suggesting.

I heard about other people not eating at all for years. I will definitely do some research on this and if I get enough time I will go and visit these people to see for my self. I know where one group of people like this live. They are know to be holy and not eating at all.

Hope I will get time to go there this or next year and then I will report back my findings.

Weather its true or not about this man in the video, one thing is clear. His is very old man in very good shape. Just look how he moves like a cat and his what 82. I definitely want to know how he lived.