I apologize for the length, but I promise you it will be worth the read...

Well... I had an experience not quite a month ago that awakened me to a path. This experience made me feel as though I needed to take some time away from the nexus, and focus inward on myself and some of my values here on earth. I even created a temporary departure thread explaining this. Thanks to some members in chat I was presented with Hinduism. I learned quite a bit about it, which brought me to Buddhism. Buddhism resonates with my inner being so strongly that I feel I have found something to help guide me in the direction I was already following, more clearly. Not so much in the way that I consider myself on the path to becoming a practicing Buddhist, but it has a very clear explanation how things work psychologically.

This experience that I just had last night, January 12th, shook my very foundation. It rocked my world as to the power of DMT. I really wasn't ready. It was very hard on me mentally. I feel as if this entire time I really had no clue as to how far it goes. I literally don't know if what I have been experiencing in the past were actually breakthroughs, or just VERY low level breakthroughs, or not breakthroughs at all. What I thought were breakthroughs, were very powerful, I had no body and a complete feeling of being somewhere else. Yet, this was much stronger and quite a bit different. Two main things caused it to be very difficult to handle.

1) The place I went to was gods control Panel. And I was god. And if I gave in to it, I would never return to my body and would assume my rightful position, at this control panel, in control of everything.

2) Upon forcing myself out of the experience, due to the unforeseen intensity I felt and fear of never coming back, I was presented with OEV's that can only be explained as "The computer code holding everything together was breaking down". Time had become perceptually so slow that a few minutes seemed like 30+ minutes (while my eyes were open) and I couldn't stop the visuals, I couldn't BE me. I became convinced that I had permafried my brain and would forever have these strong hallucinations of all matter breaking down and coming apart.

This one is going to take some time to integrate. i literally have no idea what to think anymore. Unlike ALL my past experiences, I wasn't overwhelmed by the amount of info, I was one with it. It came from me, into me, it was all me. It made TOO MUCH sense. Anyways, please if you can manage, read my story. I will do the best i can to articulate my experience in the best way that I can. Thank You.
-anrchy

---

Sitting on my bed I loaded up a small dose. My intent was to have a light breakthrough. Only 4 or 5 scoops (~15-20mg). I laid back and melted it into my GVG. As I waited for a minute I took in the sounds I had playing, some Buddhism meditation song I found on spotify. Flute, playing over the sound of a running creek. I decided now is the time, so I fired up the torch and inhaled the thick vapor.

The onset was kind of normal, maybe a little slower than usual. Definitely not as strong. Visuals were difficult to pick out, very dim. The main theme of this dose was basically they weren't letting me in. I couldn't tell if it was because I didn't take enough or what. I kind of forced myself past what they were showing me and could perceive the most common experience type visuals I have had. Then they started showing me something. They were explaining that something was wrong with my DMT. Something else was in it or it had changed. I toyed with this idea in my head, thinking maybe they are right, it did clump up a little more than usual. The smell and taste seems different too. WTF?
After coming back I decided I wanted to try and dose my other batch, the slightly yellow rather than the white funfest. This time I was going to go bigger, mostly because I didn't want any tolerance to keep me from breaking through.

I laid there for awhile, wanting this to wear off as much as possible. I squinted at the clock and decided it was getting late. I needed to go to bed soon so I should dose now. I got up and started loading my GVG. i think I got a little over zealous with the dose. Instead of the normal even with the sides scoops, they were kind of heaping. I'm not quite sure how many I put in but my best guess is 40mg or possibly more, maybe much more. I melted the DMT into the copper, got up, restarted the Buddhism meditation song, laid back down and cleared my head.

After a short while I lit up the torch and started vaping. As I was heating up the ceramic filter I noticed the GVG filling up VERY thick. I could feel how dense it was in my throat. I also noticed it was vaping a LOT longer than I have ever experienced with my GVG. When I finally cleared it I had a final thought as it started hitting me way harder and way faster than usual, "this might be a little more hardcore than anything I have experienced".

I was instantly gone. There was a slight blackout between being here and going there. i don't remember the transition at all. Definitely blacked out. Then I woke up, but not on earth...

I was jolted awake. What am I seeing? What is going on? Buzzing all around me and through me and I felt as though my orientation was in a horizontal position. The visuals that i could see were looping, the intensity was off the charts. I was having a hard time "being there". Everything was passing into me and out of me over and over again. First thought that came to my mind is, I'm leaving my body behind forever. I was able to pull back a little, to stop the looping. It had scared me for sure. I noticed I was rotating forward a little, into a relaxed sitting/laying position. My ethereal arms outstretched, hands bent down at the wrists, fingers spread apart.

Portals opened up below my hands, white light with some other colors of dots flowing upwards. The portals started spewing out a radiant white energy into a focused point going towards my hands. The energy from all existence started forming into my hands, my fingers inside as if merging with some kind of controls, that governed all existence. My body is made of pure white light energy. I am disconnecting fully from my body never to return. More portals opened up around me, to my sides behind and in front. White light was coming out into a focused point and connecting to me. I'm jacking into this matrix. I'm leaving earth behind to assume control of this connection to everything.

Everything that exists is connecting to my body through this white light. Going into me and flowing out of me. When the connection is almost complete I'm seeing what this is. This is the command post of a god, or of god. It controls all existence, all understanding, all knowledge. By giving up my place on earth in human form, I will be forever connected to this control panel, forever a part of everything. Or possibly waking up in this control panel, somewhere far from earth.

I was completely unable to except this. I wasn't done here, I have emotional attachments to things and people here on earth. I'm not ready for this to be the end of my human form. I pulled out HARD. Thoughts were racing through my mind as I tugged on my umbilical cords that I hadn't yet severed. "I don't want the responsibilities of god. I don't want to be god. I can't be god. I'm not ready for something of that magnitude, no I wont do it!"

BAM. I open my eyes and I'm not yet having open eye visuals. It felt like 90% CEV 10% OEV. This is WAY too intense. I cant quite see my room. my vision is flooded with so much, I cant describe it whatsoever. Except that it seemed like it was stretching away from me and then bouncing back at me, whatever it was I was seeing. Every color, some sort of horizontal design stacked, each stack was a different color. Different shades of orange mostly.

Time is slowed down massively. It feels as though an entire lifetime has just passed. Now that I can see my room a little more clearly, which was difficult due to the fact I had taken out my contacts, I noticed I had some sort of overlay across my entire field of vision. As if I was wearing a computerized helmet, and on the screen it was displaying the computer code of every single atom. every detail of everything I could make out was in a state of constant change. It was like the molecular bonds that hold everything together was glitching out, everything was falling apart and decaying. Nothing made sense. It seemed like I was in the matrix, yet it was breaking down.

I started to speak out loud, saying, "no way i cant handle this. I'm done this needs to stop." I was having a real hard time dealing with how strong the open eye visuals were.
Then i started to panic because it wasn't going away. It seemed like a half hour had passed. It was coming in waves, getting stronger and slightly weaker. Like it was messing with me. I laid in my bed waiting for some sign that it was calming down. Nothing. I waited, still nothing. Finally I got up and my mind was going in and out, I had to struggle to use my brain and critical thinking. I couldn't walk, I tried real hard to look at my alarm clock to see what time it was but it was so distorted that it was just a blur of red with clear fractals inside the red. This scared me.

I started to think that it wasn't going to stop. I imagined that I am permafried. I just messed up, I dosed and am not coming back, ever. I considered that maybe I was still in and that this wasn't real still, but it literally was unmistakeable. I had dosed DMT and now I am never going to be normal ever again. I was extremely distraught. I thought about some things that would be effected by this that are important to me, things that i would never be able to do. I started freaking at this point.

I decided that I need my contacts, to try and make my vision a little more clear. I ran to the bathroom, frantic. Knocking things over trying to see as clear as i could make myself. Unfortunately I forgot in my haste and panic that I cant put my contacts in yet, had just taken them out before the dose and with the hydrogen peroxide style cleaner you have to wait for 6 hours. So in my frantic haste i tried putting a contact in. It wasn't going onto my eye, then it started to sting my eye. Then I realized my problem but tried anyways. I couldn't get it to go in so i put it back and went back to my room.

I decided I need my dad. He was visiting and was asleep in his motorhome parked in my driveway. When I found my shoes I thought for sure I'm screwed for ever. My shoes became smaller, were disintegrating, covered in mold or something, and didn't feel right on my feet. My feet didn't feel right either, I felt like i was getting worse. I was losing it. I stumbled through my house and out the door. I got to the motorhome and had another feeling that this wasn't real, that I might be still laying in my bed. I told myself that was wishful thinking you need to get your dad to help you figure out what to do. As i walked along side the motorhome I could not for the life of me find the main door. When I finally realized where it was located i walked towards it and turned to it just to realize it was still at least 5 ft away still. I again walked towards it and turned to it and the same thing, its still 5 feet away. Finally I reached it but couldn't figure out how to open it. So I ended up knocking and calling for my dad.

When I heard him coming to the door I was slightly relieved and embarrassed at the same time. He opened the door and I walked in and said. "Dad I think I fucked up. I dont know whats going on." He looked confused and I paced around. I told him I took a dose of DMT but this time it was a much different experience. Right then I started observing my visuals, my body sensations ect. I thought wait, i think im coming down a little. The visuals weren't as strong. I told him, "I think I'm gonna be ok but i thought i fried my brain. I need you to be with me for a little bit" "Are you ok" he asks. " yeah I think I am, that was way too heavy. I cant believe, I don't... I am still feeling it a lot. I am hallucinating very strongly still. Not one thing looks normal."

I realized right then, I think I am going to be ok. I am definitely coming down now. He gave me something to drink and accompanied me back into my house. It took a good half hour more to Finally start to feel like a normal come down from DMT.

---

So now I am sitting here, been awake for two hours the next day. it's 8 am. I'm reflecting back onto my experience and have a better understanding, if that's true at all, of what I went through. Last night after coming down almost completely I wasn't sure that I would ever do DMT again. I'm not so sure about that now, but its definitely going to take me quite awhile before I have the nerve to go back in. I still have a fear that I could jack in and never return. That one is hard to shake.

If you were able to read the whole thing thank you for your time and I hope you enjoyed it. Maybe you can shed some light on my experience. This one has shaken me to the core. One of the strongest thoughts I had was that I went past what has been described as a breakthrough, that possibly this was more than what I have read from every one else's experiences. That this is what DMT is for, for assuming command as god. Or something of that nature. This was WELL beyond what I thought DMT did. Way beyond.

That sounds like quite an experience anrchy, and one which probably doesnt need repeating.

The higher dose experiences really are a different kettle of fish, are they not?

The quote above resonates with me, but more along the lines of "Do I ever need to do DMT again?".

Anything over 40ish mgs in one breath via the GVG really has to be experienced to be believed.It makes the 25-30mg breakthroughs seem tame in comparison and its not something I would feel comfortable endorsing fully to any members.This stuff goes waaay deeper than is necessary.

I tip my hat to you anrchy, but IME there are realms beyond this which can be accessed with a few mgs more and correct vaporisation.And to think that not so long ago, the recommended breakthrough dose (pre-GVG) was felt to be around the 40mg mark.

I am trying to imagine any situation where I could have gone to my father while tripping too strong and have him calmly and rationally help me through the situation. You are lucky for that.

Glad you are starting to feel a bit level again.

Not much to say about your trip except that it sounds like a BIG journey and we have a very small space in the cosmos.

Tough but fascinating ride, brother. I'm glad you got to go through it and are able to make sense writing a nice report the morning after.

Come to think, the last time I was close to the 40mg mark, and it was because my torch lighter sucks and it hardly stays lit for over two seconds. So I loaded 90mg of 1:1 enhanced leaf, the lighter decided all of a sudden to work like a charm and the cloud forming inside of the GVG looked like milk. But I got lucky (or not) because the mouthful was so thick I coughed most of it out. Arc turboflame is in the mail now.

Thanks for your report, I hope the pieces fall back into place slowly, and remember - this too shall pass.

Peace and happiness.

Thank you guys. The integration period for this one will be a long period of time in my life I believe. My mind is still so blown away by this. So blown away that all I can really think or say is "What?!" and "seriously?!".



Yes this also came to my mind last night. I thought for sure I hit the ceiling on this one and didnt need DMT in my life any longer. Although today I feel that I will probably come back to it eventually, but with a completely different mindset, more weighing rather than just eyeballing with mg scoops, and an understanding of what is really meant by "Don't give in to the astonishment".



Luckily my dad has many years of LSD, mescaline, and mushrooms under his belt. He has taken much larger doses of those than I would ever. He has also experienced DMT the few times that I dosed him. I was blessed for him to be here, he helped me in the perfect way and... he couldnt have done a better job bringing me to a calm state and helping me through it.

Vodsel:

Thank you my man. I have always appreciated your input. It's funny looking back at it now, of course things went the way they did, I wasnt paying close enough attention to what I was doing. The amount I put in was going to be a for sure forced breakthrough and would also be much more intense than anything I have ever experienced before. I'm curious now as to whether or not my previous breakthroughs were even breakthroughs at all. Time will tell, but I am pretty sure I wont be doing that high of a dose on purpose again.

Even though I was scared to death at facing the fact that I fried my brain for life, its kind of funny to me now. In a mind blown kind of funny way. I was seriously convinced that I was forever going to have these super heavy hallucinations. If it had happened, they were so strong I would need help to accomplish even easy tasks, such as eating cereal, or smoking a cigarette.

Hahaha, I remember now. At one point I was like f**k this, I'm going to force myself to goto sleep so I can wake up normal. But then I was scared that I would wake up frying still so I wanted to try and figure out what to do now. HAHAHAHA INSANE!

I haven't had a DMT experience like yours (*chicken clucks*) but in my books, the fact you are able to talk about it the way you do, and specially to laugh, is a great sign.

You have just stretched your reality tunnel, it surely hurts at first but hey, look at the views now

Don't hesitate to leave any ramblings or questions, we'll be here.

Amazing one man , I'm glad your cool . its the worst feeling in the world when you feel like your never coming back and will be stuck in that state forever. I wish there was a way to avoid that part. Its so fascinating to think about what this is all about ... all the best to you

I appreciate everyones support as much as I appreciate life itself. This journey in life has become a crazy one since DMT has entered my world.

I definitely have questions. Im trying to understand my previous "breakthroughs". Compared to this one they are childs play. When I eventually dose again, actually IF hehe, I am curious to see what a lower grade version of this one would be like. A much lower grade. If thats what i have been experiencing or what. I have a feeling that I was just having low dose breakthroughs causing them to not feel like full disconnect due to such a low dose. I really dont know anymore

I have yet to have the type of breakthrough where I see an environment and fully formed entities, except for the one I had where I was shown everything and couldnt understand it and the entity was laughing at my inability to comprehend it all. I have always strived for the DMT exp where I see landscape and DMT elves working on machines and such. But most of what i have gotten was where things are made of strange visuals and fractals and geometric patterns, usually folding in on themselves and unfolding and what not.





Ya the feeling that I wont ever come back was difficult to swallow to say the least. I didnt like that idea whatsoever. I think overtime I could mess around with it while its happening, and if I had someone to let me know actual time frames or whatever so I wasnt freakin out about having such strong OEV's it would help. Time is obsolete during that time for me. I had no way to refrence it at all.

When I was still seeing OEV's but knew I wasnt perma, I knew I was done with DMT forever. I had no interest whatsoever in using it anymore for any reasons. I feel differently about that now though. As I look back it would be nice to be able to have that same strength of experience but be able to handle it. If thats even possible... ever. HA!

Wow, glad you came out of it OK brother!

I know the feeling of never coming back and it is probably one of the worst ones you can have. The last time I felt "stuck" was nowhere near the intensity of your experience but rather I think I was on the precipice of a breakthrough and felt as though I was not me but remained in my body, very uncomfortable and even that made me question using DMT again lmao!

I sometimes wonder if walking around and seeking out help from others or trying to do normal things is the best idea in such circumstances. It feels like the best thing to do at the time and it is the go to action when I am having a hard time, but I wonder if it just reinforces the notion that you have screwed yourself and cannot function normally ever again?

Be well!

I found that simple reassurances help immensely when it comes to not being sure of a situation during a bad trip, say, on mushrooms. I have definitely helped others a few times after a strong trip from DMT, by reassuring them they would be ok and comforting them in a loving manner.

Without having that until I went to get my dad, made it hard to decide what was going on, and the fear got worse and worse that I had messed up my brain forever, until I started to talk to him.

glad your back in (mostly!) one piece brother :]

i know how you feel mate. i once vaped about 50mg in one hit in a VG, thinking i'd only get a small dose since i hit it after a friend who, it turns out, didn't get anything and just melted it-leaving it all to me. Theres just no words to explain! that one shook me up. I can break through on like 20mg if i get it all in one hit, but those higher doses...its just reality-shattering on a completely different level from other experiences 0.0

The highest I ever vaped was 60mg out of the GVG. It was easily one of the more terrifying experiences I had ever had, though incredibly beautiful. I never managed to even close my eyes though cause I was so afraid. That was the first time I had tasted fear from DMT, but it was also relatively early on when my technique was a lot rougher than it is now, so I probably didn't vape that 60mg as efficiently as I would nowadays, but that's also about 3x what I need for an earth-shattering breakthrough now-a-days, so if I ever do 60mg again, I'll either be really stupid or it'll be for one helluvan occasion.

Haha this made me laugh for sure. I have to agree too. I'd probably have to be diagnosed with a terminal illness before i would be able to do that high of a dose again.

It's nice to know that I didn't wimp out and that others feel this to he an epic sized dose. This was also my first actual fear while on DMT. It really is that kind of crippling fear too. Something else that I have noticed is that with the larger doses that I've taken I usually have some sort of episode during, which I mistake my experience for a mushroom one. I remember a few times upon returning to this world the thought that I was on mushrooms.

It's an interesting sensation trying to go back and recall what it felt like while I had the realization that I wouldn't be normal again. I don't think I have ever felt that way before. So helpless and so distraught. Knowing that I made a big mistake.

I just realized this, since the first dose I became aware what an entity presence felt like, I have felt atleast some entity presence in every dose. This dose I felt none. I saw no entities or entity like objects or anything. It seemed entityless. Anyone else notice this or have you experienced entities on larger doses? What's that like?

To me, the presence of entities can seem rather arbitrary at times. Sometimes I'll visit a particular space that has entities, and when I revisit the same space again in the future, it might be abandoned. In my experience, as dosage increases there are certain thresholds (of frequency and dimension) where a particular entity may reveal itself to have a more complex, higher-dimensional form. So the same entity I see on a sub-breakthrough, I may see a much more sophisticated version during a breakthrough, and ever higher dimensional versions at super-breakthroughs, etc...I sort of go into the idea a bit in my trip report: The Egyptian Octave

YES

https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=33032

I've been there too friend. Only once out of hundreds of journeys. The way you described this experience synchs virtually indentical with the above experience i posted. Completely instntaneous, no time to panic or wonder. Complete immersion into the one who appears as many. Im very glad you have had this experience anrchy.

Remember, Tat Tvam Asi

Global: I really like reading about your hyperspace observations. You should collaborate all of them together into a neat "Global's memoirs on hyperspace". Very interesting things you have observed and experimented with. Interesting thought on how higher doses generate more complexity to hyperspace. Makes sense.

Tattvamasi: definitely man. This one in particular was crazy for me cause I don't even remember exhaling. When it started to hit me it was so powerful and so quick the only thing I could think was "this is gonna be bi..."

Your name definitely resonates exactly what I felt while I was attaching to the controls of existence. The way it all went down, it's seems a lot like the movie the matrix. If that's not where you go when u die I don't know what that was haha

I can imagine the surprise you felt when you realized it was a big one. I had no idea that I was just going to overshoot my tolerance and blast out so hard. I really should have paid closer attention. Usually it takes more for the second dose unless I wait longer. Plus I don't know why I put so much in.

But it was worth it. I'm glad I got to see it. I can't see myself ever doing that much on purpose in the future though. I would like to find the sweet spot as far as amount of intensity that I am willing to partake in. I can't stop thinking about it.

I really do like this thread. I don't comment too much on experience reports but when a jewel like this comes along, I feel compelled. I remember putting the bong to my lips, lighting, receiving the massive cloud all in one hit (75-80sh mg changa) and as soon as I took it all in, there was no counting the seconds til immersion. Immeditately I was propelled into the face of it. Literally there was no buildup in effects. Simultaneous co-existing facets of my one true self being shown every second of the experience. Felt like the ultimate summer camp. Every second I was propelled into a new reality with people all around....everyone was happy, everyone was at peace, everyone was enjoying life, enjoying my presence. Literal scenes with literal people. I couldn't believe what I was seeing, what I was experiencing. Not in all my years did I think a mode of being like this was possible, for I was all these people.

We are something so beyond our wildest dreams, something so astoundingly beautiful and sacred that we were never anything else but. I honor the infinite landscape within you anrchy. Take joy in what you know now.

I really do wish I could remember the beginning entrance into the void. I believe that might play a part in my inability to deal with the insanity that was everything. Although even so i know it would have still astonished me in such a way that I would have forced myself out anyways. I barely had enough time to set the GVG down and lean back. And waking up in the middle of the peak... such an intense transition.

The feeling of being a god was beyond words. I was able to compare it with my human form, being connected to so much information, feeling so ALIVE. Much more to it than my meager human form. I cant even say that it was love that I felt. More like, the complete absence of suffering. I only wish that I could have just enjoyed it rather than be afraid. But I can look back at it now and enjoy the memory of what gifts have been given to me by this amazing molecule, DMT.

It blows my mind how much Buddhism resonates with my DMT experiences. The way I feel, and understand, and view this world after learning so much from DMT, are all very much the way of a Buddhist.

"We are something so beyond our wildest dreams, something so astoundingly beautiful and sacred that we were never anything else but."

Joeseph Campbell (mythologist) has some great talks on Buddhism. You can find some such talks if you're a Netflix user, else I'd look into him anyway. When I was younger, I was heavily into Star Wars and I could never tell quite why. Years later I would fall in love with Campbell's work which resonated with me so deeply, and it was a while thereafter until I found out that George Lucas was an anthropology student of Campbell's. Meanwhile, it all sort of comes together to mirror the psychedelic experience as well, so it all resonates on so many levels.