Hi guys. Last night I had what might be called a 'bad trip' on some cannabis and found it very difficult the deal with, and am wondering how one would 1) go about dealing with that and 2) learn how to 'let go,' during a trip on one of the more intense psychedelics.
I had been hoping to sure some cannabis to meditate and explore my consciousness and so opted to do it alone, in my dorm room where I felt comfortable and safe.
Going into it I felt very calm, almost no anxiety to speak of whatsoever.
I smoked 1 full bowl of some very high quality stuff and absolutely lost my mind.
The only qualitative way I can describe it is that things began turning into other things: my mind would look at my bedside table but the 2ft surface would look hundreds of miles wide, like a landscape. My curtains became a cliff hundreds of feet high, and also frog-like creatures.
The trees outside turned alternatively into tentacled monsters, and the night sky.
I wasn't seeing things that weren't there, I was just interpreting things totally differently.
It rapidly began to get out of hand: I tried to put in some enjoyable music to facilitate my trip, but instead of being uplifting and enjoyable, it was driving, intense and unpleasant.
I began having the most terrible audio hallucinations: there was a screaming noise in my head that I could feel behind my eyes.
Eventually I realized that I was no longer enjoying the trip, but rather, enduring it. I felt like my ego was being assaulted by the experience. It was like I had been dragged into some kind of alien universe. It didn't matter how I lay down, I couldn't escape the screaming in my ears, or the sense that I was stuck in an alien world.
Time seemed to cease to exist: one minute of real time seemed to stretch out indefinitely. I felt like the experience would never end. My room was changing in ways we don't have words to describe. I could imagine and feel things in my head, as if I had two bodies: my 'real' one and the imagined one, which felt very much real, just in a different sort of mental world.
I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was I was afraid of, I kept telling myself that I had taken a drug and that I would be okay, and that people had gotten a lot higher, but the experience was overwhelming. I wasn't worried that someone would find me, or anything that might be called 'classical paranoia,' but rather, the new dimension I was in was so alien and overwhelming. I wasn't afraid I would be stuck like that forever, but rather, the subjective experience might seem endless.
I tried very hard to let go and see what I could learn, but it was too alien and chaotic that I couldn't seem to do it. Either I instinctively couldn't do it, or maybe there was no place else to go, or nothing to learn and I was just psychotic.
The whole thing felt like of like a fever-induced delirium.
And so, if I found a high dose of cannabis to be that overwhelming, how should I go about dealing with a real psychedelic experience? Are there any techniques to deal with these overwhelming feelings. I did the mantra, I did the breathing, but time was so distorted I couldn't tell if I was breathing too fast, slow, or if I was even remembering to breathe.
Today I just feel really burnt out and weirdly emotional.
Any advice?
"There are many paths up the same mountain."