So lately as of the past couple weeks or so, I feel as if my superego has been a bit overactive to the point of frustration where too many moments seem like uphill battles for no good reason. I decided that perhaps DMT could offer a helping hand - not as a permanent solution obviously, but to set things straight (at least for a few minutes )

The intent that I went in with that I set was rather specific yet vague all the same. In a way I offered myself up on a silver platter, inviting DMT to completely have its way as a means of putting the superego in its place. I realized that "I" could very likely end up being a casualty in all of this provided DMT wasn't gentle, but fearlessly decided without letting my heartbeat rush, that I was prepared and willing to make that sacrifice. DMT jumps at such opportunities.

So I eyeballed my dose out in my GVG. It was most likely anywhere between 20-25mg, and I have a rather strong sensitivity. I took a large full rip, staring at the wall in front of me, thinking I don't need a second hit...so calmly without the slightest panic, proceeded for another milky hit. I put down the pipe, and found the experience commencing rather promptly and intensely creating a good amount of nausea.

I never managed to close my eyes through the whole experience. I had a hologram female entity coming out of my wall which had clear reign over the situation. Everything was so intense, I had to stand up to puke (I've never actually puked on pure vaporized freebase before), and as I puke, time starts to flow backwards....such that I didn't puke. This cycles back and forth and back, and I'm just kind of stumbling around a bit disoriented. Suddenly, a large force knocks me clear off my feet and I fell backwards, cleanly landing in my computer chair (which I had forgotten was behind me) as the entire universe opens up from out of my wall. They were like, "you thought you knew what it was about (the DMT experience as well), now here you go," and it was just indescribable. There's little point in trying to describe this part because it was as if they thoroughly saw to it to make sure it was completely beyond words, completely superseding the ego.

As the stability of the holographic universe floating in front of me began to waver (recalling that I never managed to/forgot to close my eyes throughout the entire duration of the madness), I noticed I had this macroscopic sort of view of my own bedroom. It's very hard to explain. I began to laugh with a giddy euphoria reserved for those really special breakthroughs, and it felt so good to laugh/squeal, and I was so completely uncentered that I couldn't even tell where my own laughter was coming from. I thought to myself, "it worked. I got what I asked for." I served "us" up on that silver platter, and "they" responded whole-heartedly. For those precious moments, there were absolutely no words to describe what was happening (not too much new, but taken to some interesting extremes), and I found myself living in a present of pure wordless emotions, completely uncentered in myself despite having my eyes open the whole time. I think this may have been my first open-eyed breakthrough, and man, "it's a trip!"

As an interesting note, there was no puke to be found afterwards. That part of the experience did not seem as if it were a hallucination. It seemed to really be happening, but time ended up going backwards and it was as if it never happened. That's the bizarre icing on the cake I guess. Also, as for the force knocking me back into my chair, if you can imagine what it must be like for a Jedi to fling you off your feet with the Force...that's exactly what it felt like.

Sounds like a great experience!

It really does love when you give the go ahead Your explanation of puking and then finding none afterward gives me the chills, one of the most amazing things about DMT that I have found is that sometimes it completely transcends the psychedelic experience and crosses over into physical reality.

My last experience I felt pretty sober with no visuals at least, so I decided to pack up another 10mg into my machine, I dipped the scrubber into the spice and when I went to melt it there was no trace of it. I thought it must have fallen off so I quickly dabbed up some more and when I looked at the scrubber once again to melt the spice it had already completely melted! There was no way this could have happened as the machine was completely cool to the touch and I had not even sparked my lighter....so I giggled to myself and took another hit

I'm not sure what I saw in regards to the universe, but when I said I had a macroscopic view of my bedroom, I wasn't referring to the universe that was in it, but rather my perception of my physical space was "macroscopic" to the extent that my entire room had become so incredibly large and my perspective within that space made it seem all the larger - as if to accommodate such things as the universe

What I mean by superego is the mental processes internalized as the "stern parent" as Allan Coult puts it, that sees to it that you tend to society's rules even when there's no parent or authority figure present to enforce its taboos and the like. If it sounds Freudian, it is. I think when a lot of people around these parts rail on the ego, what they really mean is their superego. A few months ago when I was contemplating the nature of the ego, I remarked to myself "if I'm yelling at my ego...and I am my ego yelling at my ego...then who's yelling at whom?" In some distant memory of psychology class, I recalled Freud's other two terms other than "ego" and those would be the ID and the superego. I realized what I was probably talking about was the superego, and I'm in the middle of reading "Psychedelic Anthropology" now by Allan Coult and after reading him talk about the superego, I realized I was correct.

If I had missed, it probably would have been terrible because it felt like being thrown like a rag doll, suffice to say I'd probably be halfway across my bedroom on my back...at which point I imagine the universe would have opened up from the ceiling

Yeah, on my hands-down most intense DMT trip, I remember being completely convinced that DMT had somehow changed the physical structure of some objects in my room, and warped them into a fourth spatial dimension or something. Looking back, clearly I was just tripping, but still, the experience of physical, tangible objects warping within my grasp was pretty amazing.