Okay, this isnt exactly an intro essay, Ive been hangin out here awhile-in various permutations, under one name- but want to sort of re-introduce myself since its been a minute, and Ive done some reflecting since I did write an intro essay.
I was fortunate enough to be able to experience DMT several times right as I began my search for it. Yes kids, IT COMES TO YOU, not the other way around. And this is deep stuff. Primordial secret kinda stuff. Illumination of the Mysteries kinda stuff. The Big Questions come along with this subsatnce. I'm not going to get into speculative theories here, suffice to say that I think it is the internal entheogen responsible for the human mystical impulse, replicated in nature through plant entheogens like psilocin and mescaline. And that is IMPORTANT!
Anyway, shortly after my initial experimentation, shit went wierd. I lost my home after my roomate entered the psych ward having suicidal ideation twice in two months late last year (2011). Knowing she was unable to fully advocate for herself, partly due to an inability to communicate through the haze of meds she was on, I called and spoke to her social worker there. I let the woman know how my friend needed medically supervised housing, somewhere she could be monitered and where someone could manage her meds. I am on methadone and have my own problems and was responsible for making sure she took here meds properly. It was too much for little ol me, and wasn't something I'd signed on for. I had no idead that H would not come home, she was put on a hold and went from the hospital to a hospice to the type of housing I advocated far out of town. We were evicted, and I wasnt on the lease legally so couldnt fight it. I had a weel to get three years worth of shit out without a penny to my name. Got one truckload out, and even that was hard. Everything I owned went to the dump. I became a Western ascetic. Damn.
So lets speed through 2012. Went out on the street of Portland without even a blanket in January. Imeedeiately picked up heroin, homelessness being my one "f-it" (Im not getting into a recovery dialogue here, but any addicts out there know the f-its.) Anyway, back to my old tricks for the first quarter of the year. I was down to 3 mgs of methadone when this went down, and had to go back up to 40 ( my current dose) to clear my self of the crap I was using. I did learn how to deal with homelessness sober eventually. OK, continuing, over the summer 5 deaths close to me: 1 suicide, 1 accidental unexplained, 2 overdoses, and a murder, where the murderer was arrested and then let go and has since disappeared. And the victim, a good friend who had his demons but was a GOOD PERSON was assassinated again in the news, because he had been an addict. Moving on, I entered a program supposedly designed to help folks like me, but left in disgust after months of not even being able to get any food, let alone shelter assisstance from them. Decided to take out student loans and enter school, as the only way I could see to extricate myself from this mess. I drooped out of high school at 16 and here I am at 42, typing this from the community college.
So things look like they are coming together for me to begin some deeper experiments with DMT. I plan on pursuing my own supply here in the very near future and will Im sure be asking plenty of technical ?? soon. I plan on using "cyb's hybrid salt A/B" because from my reading it appears the addition of salt has a very positive effect on yields, I enjoy a full spectrum substance, and it looks pretty simple. I aim to convert the result into a salt, to inject IM, because that is my preffered route of admin, being used to it, and I can easily measure my dose this way and be reasonably assured of the outcomes intensity.
Ive been both bummed and downright shocked from smoking freebase- I dont like the inconsistency, plus its hard to smoke something when I cant remember what it is and even if I did which one is real! Something I found interesting from IM use that after a while, I became very sensitive to it, my last injection came on as I pushed the plunger down, into my flank! That should be impossible, IV takes 7-22 seconds for me. Wierd.
Anyway, sorry for kinda rambling, but that is my current story. i havent even touched upon the valuable lessons Ive learned over this journey, my relationship witj DMT, or my intentions. I will do so in the near future, I look forward to developing relationships here with mystical pragmatists like myself.
Sine experientia nihil sufficienter sciri potest -Roger Bacon
*γνῶθι σεαυτόν*