Hi all,

I've been a guest here for quite some time now and I feel it's time to participate as both and observer and potential collaborator. I've added a wealth of knowledge perusing through these forums that have helped me formulate even more questions! For as long as I can remember, I wanted to know more. During my childhood, I had this feeling in my gut that there was more to the universe than our physical senses could interpret. During my adolescence (late 80s early 90s) I picked up Aldous Huxley's The Doors of Perception at the local library - (mostly because I was big into the Doors at the time and I made a correlation there) - This was all before the internet and we played MUD on BBS chat boards, so coming across information was mostly dedicated to the physical library

I hadn't had my head broken open yet and I didn't even know what that would be like, if such a thing even existed. But I searched and searched. I was never one to "party" with the things I found. They were generally self experiments in a room by myself with a pen and paper. The goal? The answers to these questions:

Who am I really?
Why am I here?
Where did I come from?
Where is everything else?
There MUST be more than this!

And of course, I sought the answers and didn't really get them with Mescaline and LSD. I didn't even get there with psilocybin although I felt it was closer in the direction I wanted to go. By this time, I had done significant research, but never did I read about the spice. Not once. Literature at the time was limited and the internet was still in it's infancy. I thought I had reached the end of my journey. Then one day, my company relocated me to Manhattan. There I met my room mate and he introduced me to the spice.

My first experience with spice was terrifying to say the least. My room mate had known that I had experimented earlier with other types, but he quite outright refused to even say much about what I was about to experience except that it was bigger than the others. And even if he had tried to explain in more detail, it still wouldn't have prepared me for the journey I was about to take. Here is that journey, as best as I can recall it.

My room mate, his two friends were in our small East Village apt in the early 2000s. They sat me down on the living room couch and handed me a glass pipe. In this pipe was a tiny amount of spice, all three of them trying to make sure it was all correct, or it would be wasted. I didn't know his two friends much but I trusted my room mate. I thought I was ready for the spice. As it turns out, I really wasn't expecting what I saw.

Immediately after the flame released that white smoke, I was told to take deep breaths. My first thought was "wow this tastes and smells like burnt vegetative plastic!" These sensation were so unique, they stuck with me for the entire session. Immediately, I saw the walls disintegrate into arabesque structures. I found myself in a dome, as the cloud of another reality enveloped the one I was used to in a metter of seconds. I closed my eyes when the site of my room mate's friends turned demonic as they looked at me. As I went under, they teased me visually (this actually happened in daily reality) and they took on not really what I would call a demonic form, but more of what a trickster gremlin might look like, perhaps deceiving imps. I needed to close my eyes to escape those imps, and I became increasingly worried until I saw my room mate. He was shrouded in white light and seemed almost angelic to me, surrounded again by arabesque structures and electronic buzz sounds, almost as if an insect would sound if they intended to speak with me. This vision gave me some sort of calming effect for that moment and then I entered the room.

I found myself in this room, mostly white with yellow and green native american-type tapestries that were in and of themselves beaming with creativity and lining my surroundings. In the center of this room (as far as center, it was a feeling, not an actual description of space and time) a white box appeared. Soon after I saw red ribbons emanate from the center outwardly, infinitely. At this moment, I had thought I died. My thought was "Oh great, these dudes just killed me with this thing and now I'm stuck here. And I didn't get to say goodbye." And with that thought, I truly believed I had died and that's when it became blissful. I had fully allowed my consciousness to "separate" from my physical identity. I had easily come to terms with dying and decided to make the best of my situation because "at least this isn't the end!" but I was still stuck in this fractal room the size of the universe. Even though I was in stasis in this room, it felt very familiar. Even though I could not have imagined what I was experiencing in my daily life, it was still familiar. I had been here before. It's so familiar.

At this moment, my eyes opened, the world I was in started to slither away from the center, seemingly creating and unfolding space that permeated through to this "known" reality. The fractals started to crumble, the static insect noise lessened and the colors became less vibrant. I was back to where I started in a blink of an eye, my life forever changed.

And through all this, I heard no voices and did not come in contact other beings. My room mates said I hadn't gone far enough. At the time, I had no way of knowing what going far really meant, there was nothing to base "far" on! That there were levels through which you could permeate was not realized until the next time when I had my first encounter with the beings and knowledge was then bestowed upon me that felt... right.

And so here, I share with you my first experience with the spice and I hope that you welcome me into your realm as there is still much for me to learn and perhaps some to teach.

Much love and respect.

Hello wiglo,

Welcome to the Nexus. Thank you so much for taking the time to write, edit and submit an Introduction Essay. That was a great read! Not only did your narrative style flow nicely, but the content was a very good introduction to you. Well done sir!

That was an amazing first experience. Sounds like you came close to a breakthrough, if not actually experienced one. But, it's not up to me, other Nexians or even your friends to determine if you went deep enough - that's up to you. Just know that the DMT seas have many depths, including some that rival the Marianis Trench.

Please take a good look around. Here at the Nexus we're all about self-extraction of entheogens. The wiki link has a plethora of extraction teks for many different psychoactive plants.

We are in a revolution currently as our main DMT plant is no longer available. Folks are researching and analyzing other DMT plants, researching new teks and garnering new long term attitudes toward growing their own entheogens at home from seeds.

There's a lot going on here - many a fascinating sub-fora. It's worth taking some time to check out. I hope you like what you see.

Again, welcome to the Nexus.

Why thank you Pandora, not only for your personal response, but for welcoming me to the seas

I agree, it's not up to anyone but me to decide whether or not I've gone deep enough and had breakthroughs, for I feel I have on many occasion gone very far down the rabbit hole. I will do my best to be as elaborate as possible while following the guidelines set forth by this community of which I am very excited to be a part of.

I've just recently successfully (to my upmost surprise, after a decade of research!) synthesized my own spice - I have also successfully brewed my own Amazonian tea in the recent past, although the tea for me is a journey I take only on occasion because that's all I need for the moment. I was also taught by "her" a different way to go about it with more beneficial results during my experience.

Procuring the ingredients I will keep to my own knowledge as to not cause any issues that can falter the revolution. My spice is my own and have inaugurated only one friend I've known and trust for over a decade. We came to meet under seemingly magical circumstances and he is very much like us. I did my best to prepare him for his first experience with literature, my own experiences and empowered him to be as comfortable with his environment as possible. It was quite a success and he is currently still extrapolating his newfound knowledge... of course with complete anonymity.

It's quite interesting that my 2nd attempt at diving into the seas with my own extraction, I was "taught" by the inhabiters of what I could do better, techniques I could tweak that will bring me into the experiences I seek. We are after all, still learning and will forever keep learning and teaching what we learn. It is endless, and I agree with you Pandora, that once you open the box, there's so much more to discover than we previously knew or forgot to remember My first one was with my spice was thin but informative regarding health maintenance and pain management through controlled breathing. I have a severe back issue and by quite literally practicing the techniques I was "taught", I alleviated the pain and am already healing faster than I have before. This of course could be the power of suggestion, but this entire reality we are in revolves around suggestion. I typed this sentence because I suggested it to myself after all

I was always anxious, and I feel it's because of my shear lack of any psychological preparation from my first experience. I've not been able to shake that anxiety before I go in. But I did it, because it's what I do, furthermore, with what I lovingly created with my physical and psychic being.

There was a mountain made of sand. It came alive. Billions of crystals erupted, along with what seemed like a waterfall flowing through the belly of this "father" being that caressed me, a mountain being alleviating my anxiety through touch and whispers. I lay in this mechanical cylindrical structure made of fractals. There were pyramidical structures around me, from which came 4 to 5 more beings, some moving in and out to see me. They were all happy to see me, but it was very nonchalant, as if they were waiting for me to say something.

"Well hello there!" I said. They were already looking at me and I saw their fractal bodies sway. They smiled. They all looked feline in nature. Some wide, some thin. The pink lady came up to me, very close to my face. She was hovering over me and spoke directly to me in what seemed to be a British accent! She explained to me the process I went through, acknowledged I had done everything right, except the intake could be done much better. She explained how, not by showing me, but by injecting the knowledge straight into my consciousness. At a certain moment, as I spoke to her and asked her more questions, she began answering my questions through me. It was a strange sensation where I would get full knowledge and answers to my question, she just leaned towards me with a cat like grin and I spoke her words for her.

When I asked, "Is this me thinking this or is it you thinking it for me?" She replied with "Both! You are interpreting what I am teaching you, but you already know this knowledge. It's a refresher. We are your selves and we are just as real as you with our own valid existences seemingly distant from you, but in actuality, just as close to you as we are now. Oh and thank you for taking care of the cats as you do, they mean a lot to us. See you soon"

And with that, they smiled, waved, and when my eyes opened, I felt no more anxiety. "There's nothing to be scared of!" I proclaimed.

And that was my first time in a long time.

Thank you again Pandora for the welcome, I will look into and post where appropriate, as appropriate my own experiences, my learnings and the teachings I've gained that should be utterly questioned and debated!

Welcome.
Good to ask those life-questions! I am a seeker too. Lol, but lately I concentrate more on paying the bills + trying to make a success of my career.
Mmm, lsd + sacred mushrooms + mescaline (sacred cactus, my personal fave) are extremely powerful teachers + I've learned (+ still keep learning, although only mostly medicinal doses of mescaline nowadays - mushrooms in winter now and again) so much from those entheogens. I have only tried the Spice a couple of times and feel I don't want to ruin something so sacred + beautiful it for myself by taking it for granted by going there too often.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. There is a parallel with my own experience where the entity (insectioid in my case) came up really close to my face to have a close look at me. You say you synthesised (!) your own sacrament - do you have a background in biochemistry?

Thanks for the warm welcome ObsidianKnife!

Those are the questions I've always asked, I am glad you agree they should be asked Also glad you're a seeker as well. I, too concentrated on my career and making sense of this simulation, but I've always made time for research, reading, talking, watching. It's been a decade long process of getting from my first experience to where I am now. Just keep at it, visualize your success, don't focus on the obstacles as obstacles or they become obstacles that you yourself while find difficult to move.

As far as LSD and Mescaline, I have to say I haven't gone down that path in a very long time, not since the spice. I am glad you find them powerful teachers. I was perhaps not ready to learn. There was a lot of growing up I needed to do in order to find my way. Mushrooms were much more my style. I can't say for certain that I will or won't revisit those others, we shall see!

As far as the spice, I've come to be aware that I am called to go there when I am ready to go there. The experience will not be taken for granted by any means unless you yourself feel you might take it for granted and therefore the possibility of that coming true becomes exponential simply by your suggestion. Look within that inner voice. If it says "sure let's take a voyage with the spice and let's see what adventures it brings!" listen to it! If it says the opposite, then you know what to do You have infinite knowledge within yourself that you have access to if you so choose to access it. Take your experiences as often as or as little as you want. Only you can decide what is most beneficial for you and I support you in all your wisdom of yourself!

As far as the insectoid experience you mentioned, I can safely say that I have had the same. I will post my experience with the Mantis Mother in the "experiences section" and I will reply to you here so that you can have an easy look! I can't wait to recall it and I am looking forward to your interpretations and perhaps similarities if there are any beyond the insectoid. And you're very welcome! I am happy I can share my experiences here.

I do not have a background in anything really. I am a college drop out who barely graduated high school, with no degrees. I love to read and educate myself in things I find fascinating. I am an artist and musician and I find success when I need it most I love to read and I only experiment with the upmost safety of those around me and of course myself top of mind. I quite literally just read and read and read until I was able to successfully synthesize my own spice successfully on my first physical try. There was a lot of positive thinking and mental visualization that I would succeed. And I did! This is how I pursue my life journeys. If I want to succeed, I will think of the goal, visualize it to fruition (simulate success and the failures that lead to said success) and then manifest it. We ALL have this ability!

I hope that answers your questions! Oh and as far as ayahuasca, it's downright simple to brew, but t's a 12 hour process and it needs love and care.

You will succeed in your career, pay your bills and get to do a lot more with YOU when you are ready. Only you know how to do what you want to do. We are our own best medicine

REPORT

2002, East Village Manhattan: My second experience with the spice

My first experience was quite terrifying. I had no idea what to expect. I was given a blind taste test if you will. Months later, I mustered up the courage to go in again. This time I had hopes that I would travel beyond the DMT room I had been stuck in during my first experience. My room mate too, was anxious and it did not help that we were all at the edge of our seats.

I went first. After my second breath, I shot back into the same DMT room. I remember thinking, "well... here I am again, what now?" As the effects gripped my mind with immediacy, a massive entity appeared to me. She looked like a crystalline humanoid/insectoid praying mantis with at least 6 arms and two legs. Although space is irrelevant, she was big enough to pick me up and carry me in her arms like a child.

At that moment, I felt absolutely and completely safe surrounded by the most pure LOVE I could ever feel. My first thoughts were "Kali?" She did not answer, but her absolute universal love and warmth glowed into the depths of all that I am. As she carried me from the room, I felt the sensation of falling safely through space. During our voyage, she invited her "children" to come to me. There were dozens of little versions of the Mother, about my size or smaller floating near me. They were excited to see me and each one took turns looking into my eyes and touching my chest. Each time I was touched, I felt intense LOVE and warmth that made me feel as if everything will ALWAYS be ok.

Soon after, the giggling insectoids stopped touching me and flew downwards into a massive crystalline dome-like structure. It felt it was some sort of palace. Surrounding the palace was a cosmic garden as far as the eye could see. Her children, hundreds of them, were playing in the garden, examining each fractal leaf as they did to me. I looked around and the colors of the garden were vibrant. Emerald greens, purples, reds and what seemed to be a blue sky covering it all! The walls of the palace were otherworldly to say the least. The walls were made of a diamond structure with light blue and pink tinges of color reflecting and ever changing in fractal awareness.

The Mother gently caressed me and lay me down on a bed she had prepared for me. It was a very comfortable bed, warm and loving. Some of her children came to where I was lying. They seemed very curious and very happy to see me. They made gestures with their hands that invoked absolute calm in me, love and warmth permeating everything around me. It was made known to me that I/WE ARE connected to all that is.

The Mother came to me, whispered that it was time to go back to where I came from. She gently picked me up and showed me the marvel of her palace. Her children wished me love and happiness as she whisked me up into hyperspace. I felt we were traveling at the speed of light. She held me in front of her and said "I showed you all this because you need to know that this love you feel right now is the love of all existences. Everything exists because of this love. You always felt it but have denied it for far too long." At that moment I remember saying "I don't want to go! I want to stay here with you!" and I opened my eyes. I was back in my East Village apartment. I really wanted to go back and almost immediately, I felt a pull in my brain. I closed my eyes and I was back. The Mother was beneath me with her arm outstretched, holding mine. She kept me from floating back to my body and said "I brought you back because I want you to remember this LOVE. I want you to know it truly exists. I want you to share it with others. Remember all of this and share it all. We will see you again." And with that, she let go and we floated for a moment her and I. I really didn't want to come back and with that thought, I opened my eyes and I was back in my waking reality.

That love still permeates through me to this day. I had no idea there could exist such a thing. I had no idea I could feel so safe and much a part of everything, all existences all at once. It was the most beautiful experience I have ever had, and THIS is why I am here. I need to share these experiences and learn from yours. It has taken me over a decade, but I am finally here. And I'm so happy I am

Below are the conditions of the dive:

PRE-CONDITIONS
(mind)Set: Anxious (as is usually the case before I dive in)
(physical condition) Set: Slightly elevated heart rate but otherwise healthy
Setting (location): Living room
time of day: 19:00
recent drug use: none
last meal: 13:00 - cannot recall meal type but probably a lite lunch

PARTICIPANT
Gender: m
body weight: 68kg
known sensitivities: none
history of use: at the time, 2nd attempt

BIOASSAY
Substance(s): DMT (yellow)
Dose(s): about 40 mg
Method of administration: freebase


EFFECTS
Administration time: T=0:10
Duration: 15 minutes
First effects:
Peak: immediate peak
Come down: 15 minutes
Baseline:

Intensity (overall): 4
Evaluation / notes:

OPTIONAL
Pleasantness: 4
Unplesantness: 0
Visual Intensity: 4
.
.
.


AFTER-EFFECTS
Hangover: 0
Afterglow: 3 - everything around me was perceived as brighter for a few days

Hey thanks for posting this link on my thread wiglo!

Your first experience is really interesting and it does have similarities to my first DMT experience. I completely understand your feeling of dying. I thought I had overdosed and died during my first (and only) experience also, but it sounds like you accepted and embraced it. I was terrified and fought it, and that probably made my experience way worse. It's interesting that you could see your room mates face and that calmed you down. I think that would have helped me if I could have seen someone who understood what I was going through.

On that note, my friend who had a terrible experience like me the same night as me was able to partially stay "in the real world" by holding onto a girl that was sitting with him. He said her face was the only thing in the room that he could see but the feeling of dread and despair was there just as I experienced. I wonder if I could have grabbed onto someone during my experience if I could have retained the vision of them as I broke through. It's interesting to think about.

You're welcome ccd701! Thank you for reading and posting on my experience as well!

In my journeys, letting go has been one of the most difficult things to do, simply because of the unbelievably unimaginable experience that blows your mind. When confronted with something so completely different from anything you've ever known, it makes sense that you try to not give in. I feel that this is what "pained" me so much. Once I was able let go and accept the idea of death and that I was in a new reality, it made it easier to go through.

Sometimes it's difficult and improbable to remain attached to waking reality and our body while under a large dose. It simply shoots you so far in that waking reality ceases to exist in our perceptions.

Take a look at this if you haven't already:

https://wiki.dmt-nexus.m..._trips_.2F_Dark_entities

The way I see it, and of course this works for me but may not for you, for I have a system of beliefs that have come to me in the journeys. I believe I am creating everything around me, even the realities and entities around me are all my creations or creations that exist within my existence. This does not make them any less valid, in fact more so because they are versions of all that is me and all that I am about. Existence to me is already balanced, it's why we are able to exist. There is no good and no evil unless we create it ourselves through our various systems of beliefs. The concept of good and evil, that the universe is not balanced is veil that lifts when we realize it's all just an illusion of our own creation. I feel an intense love that to me, is what permeates across ALL existences.

And that's how I deal with stuff Of course it may not work for you, perhaps it can! But it is up to you to find your truths. Fear is not meant to deter you, it is meant for you to ask questions about the true nature of your reality.

This FAQ shows you methods and techniques when encountering the fear and dread.

Great intro wiglo. Welcome to the Nexus and thank you for sharing.

Peace

Macre

@wiglo - yes, also a 'crystalline humanoid/insectoid praying mantis' here. Although mine was decidedly masculine, humanoid (ie, 2 arms, 2 legs). I've been playing with the idea that this entity is a projection of myself, as you believe .. not sure about that one, personally. Also, there was no communication from this entity with me - it just scanned me over very closely.

Thanks ObsidianKnife! I am not sure what I believe yet. I have ideas and concepts that seem to work for me at this point in my life that have been shown to me via my DMT and ayahuasca experiences. They are themes, concepts and ideas that keep coming back - the idea that I manifest my realities. Could what's inside the DMT experience could all be manifestations of myself at a quantum level? Meaning that every entity I encounter could be possible counterparts of counterparts existing in multiple realities within multiple dimensions all at once.

But of course, that works for me, and I appreciate you playing with these ideas, but in the end, you should follow the ideas that work for you in the most beneficial ways for yourself. We are all learning and growing and I love to share and find ideas and really decide which ones make sense for me, after I've exhausted all the questions and motives of such ideas and concepts

Helps keep me grounded and most definitely not blindly adhering to ideas thrust upon me by anyone or anything! But if they come from within, I feel that is much more pertinent to my goals in achieving the life I want to live. Love, peace and bliss. Experiencing every emotion as I can, as a human being... and learning from such experiences at the very least!

Cheers, much love and respect!

Hi Wiglo!
I think you are asking the questions everyone on this planet thinking of
When i have the answers i wil let you hear my opinion
Have a great time here

Thank Earthlova! That's why I am here! If you have any ideas and thoughts you'd like to share, I will certainly look out for them