This will be my second ever trip report. The first one I wrote in Swedish for another forum following my first DMT experience. I guess I only have the attention span to write them when I really feel that I have something important to share. And with that short introduction I leave you with this:
Sex: Male
Age: 21
Weight: ~80 kg
Type of substances used before: LSD, DMT, Mescaline, mushrooms, Harmalas and Cannabis.
Substance used for this experience: LSD ♥
Dosage: 3 Yin Yang Dolphin blotters from the Göteborg/western area in Sweden, no idea how many µg a hit they are supposed to be. The consensus on a Swedish internet forum however seems to say that they are quite weak, say ~75 µg. From my limited perspective from around ten prior LSD experiences, I estimate that I landed in the ~300 µg space.
Time span: 17 hours
It was Saturday noon. I had awoken at 10 am and had plans to drop the acid at 11; however, Friday night's alcoholic adventures had left their marks, so I decided to take a long shower and rest until I felt more ready. As it turned out this time came at 1:30 pm. I dropped the blotters and laid myself in bed with headphones on. I was contempt and anxious to see what kind of experience I would have. I had taken 2 of these blotters before which resulted in a weak trip, with just some visuals and not much else going on so I didn’t expect too much firework though. This I figured would be handled by smoking some DMT after the peak.
About 30 minutes later a friend texted my, “Are you home?” which I replied to “Both yes and no, mostly maybe. Why?” He answered “My cap!!!” Crap. I had accidently gotten his cap with me home from last night I now recalled. I didn’t feel like getting a visit from my sober friend who for the record doesn’t quite fancy my drug use. He first and foremost thinks that I smoke too much Hashish, but knows that I have been smoking DMT “and stuff”, which he accepts I guess but doesn’t really at the same time. There’s another thing I should mention about my friend too, he is quite straight forward and is used to getting things his own way. I might even say that he doesn’t have the upmost respect for most people; he can be a bit of an ‘energy vampire’.
Anyway, I texted him back “I can come and leave it to you tomorrow if that’s okay instead?” which I got the not completely unexpected reply to, “What? No? Just give it to me. I will come by soon.” Okay, I thought. So far I didn’t feel much at all except that tingly sensation that says, “Congratulations! You have successfully ingested LSD. Prepare for launch.” Alright then, he will come and get his cap and leave again, and I will be left alone with my awesome day, hooray, my mind concluded. 2:30 pm he texted me again, “Can you come out with the cap to the parking space, please?” I still didn’t feel much. I got up and looked myself in the mirror. I felt fuzzy and realized that I was becoming more and more affected by the psychedelic. My pupils still wasn’t dilated though, and so I decided to go out and give it to him. This transpired without any incident. The sun was shining outside and it was a really beautiful day. I couldn’t stop smiling. I was somewhat sad to go back inside, but I had little options at this time to move my tripping area to an outside venue. Back inside, I joined the Chat and watched some stand-up comedy on Youtube. I can get a bit anxious by acid, so the resulting laughs really eased up some tension in me.
From here on the acid came on more and more. At around 3 pm I was having the same sensations I have had during my last 2 blotter trip, some nice purple fractal visions and good mood. I won’t go into much detail of the LSD experience yet, because what I really want to share with you isn’t the classic LSD effects per say, but rather something that happened as a cause by them, later on. I got a new text from the same friend, “Football at the park? We can pick you up!” Hmm. The weather was indeed awesome and I was in a playful mood. My problem was though that I generally am not comfortable at all with tripping in public. I hit the mirror again. My pupils were a bit more dilated, but it wasn’t really that noticeable. Okay, I thought, I was probably already at the peak or not very far at all from it (nah-uh), let’s do this thing! So I answered yes and 10 min later he and another guy who I don’t really know that well were entering my apartment. By this time I had already changed my mind! I was very uncomfortable with the whole situation; I don’t want to act sober I remembered, I am tripping on bloody LSD! One of the first things my friend was saying when he got in my living room was, “smells like usual here…” There was no doubt in my mind that he was referring to my bong which I had lit up the night before. I noticed they both looked at me a little strange, they probably thought I had smoked some hash. We sat in the sofa and my friend was going through his phone looking for people to call to join in the game, while the other guy, who also looked quite uncomfortable, tried to do some polite chitchat with me, asking me what kind of music was playing, how much I bought the apartment for and so on.
While we were sitting there, I got the feeling that the peak was going to be much stronger than I had anticipated just 15 min ago. All I could think about was how I could get away from this situation and break the news that I wasn’t going along. I was worried about my friend’s reaction; I knew he wouldn’t take it well, especially since he then would have driven to my place for nothing. So, after sitting there being uncomfortable for 5-10 min my friend decided it was time to go. I then said that I had changed my mind and wasn’t going with them. “Why, just because you are high?” Well, yes, I replied. “Oh, come on, there are no cops out where we are going, let’s just go!” I tried to explain that I was paranoid and didn’t want to go outside. While the second guy said to my friend, “he doesn’t want to go, just drop it so we can get out of here”, my friend gave me a very condescending look and they left. I decided to text him, “I freaked out a bit there, sorry,” which I got the very unpleasant respond to “Lol. One day in my life I am going to call the cops on you and your misuse. I have thought about it many times already.” My heartbeat immediately went up three notches. Fuck!! This is not the type of conversation I want to have being high on acid. I managed to keep my cool and responded in what I thought was a mature and not very defensive way. I admitted it had become a habit for me (remember that he thought I was high on Cannabis) and that I should stop using it as much. However, I also said, to involve the police would just do a lot more harm than good and that I hoped he realized that. To this he answered, “I don’t even care about you anymore, go rot in your cave.” I was actually kind of relived by this, “So he isn’t going to call the police? Well then, great!” I also realized in that moment that I didn’t quite know why I was still friends with him except out of old habit. We have simple grown to two completely different levels in life.
By this time I had entered the peak. Euphoria was ravaging throughout my body. I was in what I like to call “disco land”. Beautiful purple fractals were swaying around my room like a disco ball. The music was having sex to my ears and I started dancing. I rejoined the Chat and started to talk about my trip and my friend’s reaction. “He thinks that I am a loser with a horrible drug addiction, while I am having the absolute time of my life”, I said. Oh, the irony of misunderstanding one another. It really is funny how we humans view the world so differently. I was reminded by Robert Anton Wilson and his talks about different reality tunnels and realized that it wasn’t that strange after all that my friend thought I was in trouble. Oh well, I couldn’t be bothered by any of that now, in fact I don’t think I could have been bothered by anything, as long as I had my Queen album and headphones on. Fuck yeah. I was more or less having a perfect LSD trip. My thoughts weren’t incoherent or anything, I was simply bathing in euphoria, music and purple.
The following hours kept me smiling and happy, until the clock was about 6 – 7 pm or something, when I decided that the tripping part was over and I could do some chores. Of course, I was still tripping, but I just thought that I could do something more productive. This, ladies and gentlemen, is where things got
weird. I went into my kitchen and started doing the dishes. 5 min into the activity I got a really, really, really odd sensation. I am naturally a quite lazy person, always have been, and I got this odd feeling that I should lie down on the bed to rest. Then, the moment after, I laid down the dish brush, but it wasn’t really consciously done by me. It felt like I was coming into some sort of trance. I found myself walking into the bedroom, but I was no longer in control, it wasn’t I who performed the motions. It was literally like someone was remote controlling my body! The second I laid down on the bed my brain fully realized what had just happened and I got back control. I flew out of the bed and stood up. Adrenaline was pumping through me, my heartbeat was going insane and I began sweating. “Okay…” I quietly whispered out loud, “what the hell just happened…?” I was in shock, having never experienced anything like this before, neither tripping nor sober. At this time I wasn’t really that influenced by the LSD as well, except for some visuals and minor feelings. I stood still for a minute or two trying to come up with a logical explanation. I couldn’t come up with anything, but I felt completely normal again so I decided that I must have imagined the whole thing.
I went back into the kitchen and started to do the dishing again. Just a moment into this the feeling came back. “I don’t like this”, I thought, “I don’t like this at all”. It was like someone else was inside my mind besides me, taking control of my body. I struggled with taking back control, but I couldn’t. I was completely helpless. Now, I heard my own voice in my head, saying “Do you really think that you are alone in here?” I realized that the thought wasn’t coming from me. Oh, God, what is going on? “Do you really think that you are in control of your own life?” Now I really started to freak out. I felt threatened and violated. This was my body and my mind, not somebody else’s, something was very wrong here. My body began walking to the bed again and laid down on it. I lay completely paralyzed. “Why is this happening,” I thought. To this question the quite amusing answer popped up in my mind, “You did one too many drugs, son”. I couldn’t help laughing. “I guess I must have”. I kept thinking that I now had managed to go completely insane. The vibe changed a bit with my mood, I regained some control but my body still did various motions that I wasn’t consciously performing at all.
What happened next I can’t remember very vividly. First I got a sensation that LSD made me channel a hippie from the 60’s (lol), who was now inside my mind. Then this sensation changed and I noticed more intelligences in my mind. I began interpreting the various intelligences like they each were a different aspect of myself. For example, there was one for lust, for laziness, for worry, for happiness etc. This interpretation changed yet again and it felt like I had a bunch of aliens who was riding along me like a roller coaster for some kind of entertainment. I have never felt anything even remotely like any of this before. I tried to deny the whole thing but after a while I realized that what was happening was undeniable. The intelligences now wanted to play and have fun with me. My body started dancing and air drumming. I had a lot of different voices in my head now and the thing they had in common was that they had a great sense of humor. They cracked hilarious jokes. I still thought that I was insane but I didn’t mind anymore, this was fucking fantastic. I wasn’t used to any of this however and my ego wanted me to be sane again. “Don’t fight it”, I then heard, “We only want what is best for you”. Well, that’s a relief I guess. I tried to ask them several times who they were and why they were doing this, but I never got any answer to that.
I started to feel really good. I went up from bed and danced around. At this time it was like the intelligences and I were dancing with each other, they controlled some motions and I some. “Haha, this is fucking insane”, I kept thinking. We kept having fun and doing various stuff. After a while I was asked “would you like to know how it feels to be Free?” This was of course a rhetorical question, they knew the answer. My arms went up in the air and I was pumped with energy. It was vibrating through me. My eyes closed and I saw DMT-like visions. I was completely blissful. I began to cry and laugh. “You can feel this way anytime you want, it is only a choice. You already are Free, you always have been”. I now couldn’t help but to think that it was God who was inside me.
I don’t remember anything more in specific that happened that night, until I was lying in bed in the morning, waiting for my body to fall asleep. I now found a new voice/intelligence inside me. This one wanted to do EVERYTHING. It was so happy and grateful to be alive. I was pumped full of different ideas, for books, making music, art and more. It was overwhelming, I couldn’t lay still. My face formed a big smile and said “Bring it on!” This sensation stayed with me until I fell asleep. On Sunday I awoke at noon, having slept 5 hours. I wasn’t sure if my mysterious hitchhikers were still with me. I got up of bed. “Wait, did I really just do that?” I went to the bathroom with very deliberate steps. Okay, they are still here. I was in control but was being guided at the same time. Mind you, that I at this time felt completely sober. The only voice I heard during the day came when I was out cycling and felt like air drumming, while listening to my headphones. I became conscious of myself and thought what other people would think about me if I did it. I then heard “Why do you care what other people think of you? If you think about it for a moment you will realize that it is completely pointless to think about how others view you.” I commenced air drumming and felt like a boss. People from cars and bystanders gave me funny looks but I didn’t care. “Haha, life is awesome”, I thought to myself. Throughout Sunday I felt more confident, productive and good than I have done in a very long while. It is now Monday morning, and I still have this feeling that I am being guided, although the voices are gone, for now. I feel very good and able. Mentally ill or not, I have to count this whole thing as a blessing. I am curious to see how it develops.
Lessons learned:
- Wtf is going on?
- There is little to no point in caring about what other people think of you.
- LSD is nothing less than a sacrament (for me anyway).
- Life is about having fun and entertainment.
Peace folks ♥
If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.
- Meister Eckhart