I did not orignally want to publish this trip report as its doesn't cast me in my best light. However, the potential benefit that might befall this community outweighs the embarrassment that I might feel from revealing this trip to you. I did some very stupid things before this trip and I really hope this reads as a cautionary tale. This trip took place one week after a very powerful DMT experience which I posted here under the title "I fought the elves and I won - Help is on the way" and I mention this because the context is crucial in understanding this trip.

It was a week after I resisted evil spirits successfully but I had not yet integrated my experience from that trip into my daily life much less begun to understand what the implication would be for future psychedelic voyages. One of the first things that I said to my buddy after that trip was "I am a marked man in the next world". He wrote it down on a piece of scarp paper and it was lost in my living room until a week ago. Seeing it again spurred me to write this report. I wish I had seen that piece of paper before I went on this trip.

Starscape 2012- Transformations

Before I went to Starscape I talked with my guru and told her about my DMT trip. She understood instantly and foreshadowed my trip, telling me "You have resisted dark entities and penetrated deep into other dimensions. You are no longer a child playing in that world. You have taken a side in the struggle and the dark entities will not stop trying to get you. They will try and prey on you as you are entering and exiting sleep and anytime your consciousness is in transition. You can't just go to that rave and trip and have fun. There are too many other people tripping that will be giving off energies that are dangerous to you. You aren't strong enough yet to put yourself in that situation given the path you have chosen". In fact, I have 'sensed' some of the entities standing behind me as I'm just about to wake. If I had taken the time to think about what she said and how the first part was so true, I might have listened to the second part of her statement.

I went to Starscape with my girlfriend as we have done for the past two consecutive years. We got a hotel and brought some weed and some medium strength Hoffman Bicycle blotter. I have some high strength Alex Grey blotter but that's not what we ate that day.

We went to the rave and after exploring the grounds we decided to dose. My though process went as follows: "I just had a scary/dangerous encounter with hostile entities on DMT. DMT is a tryptamine, LSD is not. Therefore, I should not expect to encounter and hostile entities on LSD. Furthermore (this is just plain dumb), I reasoned that since LSD does not occur in nature in the form that is active in humans, it would be able to act as a spiritual flack jacket for me. This synthetic psychedelic would protect me from the entities that abound in the world of 'natural' (i.e., tryptamine) psychedelics. Even as I write this, I am amazed at how stupid that path of reasoning is.

So now I'm going to relate my experience (with a brief disclaimer), as I lived it, with as little editorial intervention as possible. After that I'll offer my interpretations and questions. I look forward to yours. If anyone on the nexus wants me to disambiguate anything I would be happy to. After telling this to a friend, he remarked "wow, that sounds like a pretty horrible trip". And I'm sure for most people this experience would rock them to the core of their sanity. Luckily, I have had dozens of bad trips and many have been MUCH worse than this. I've even had 'worse' trips than this at Starscape. When commenting, please realize that I am acutely aware of the difference between DMT revelations and a paranoid LSD breakdown. This was a combination of the two.

This portion of the description corresponds to the picture that I posted below.



1. Initialization ~9pm

Ingesting the LSD catalyzes a reaction in my body.

2. A portal opens ~10:30pm

I become aware of the presence of the entities and this makes me a little nervous. They weren't supposed to be here. There is a doorway or a portal, that is within and outside of my mind. I can't see it but I can sense it. It's a very strange sensation and slightly scary.

3. As the portal grows larger, my psyche begins to enter into it.

I feel this portal/doorway growing in size. Not physical size but mental size. It's beginning to engulf my psyche. Fortunately when you trip, only your psyche goes to other dimensions. I'm still holding it together now, but just barely. The presence of the other entities is disconcerting. Now I begin to get defensive which I was not prepared to do. Basically this is when I start to slip. The 'fear' has begun welling up and I can feel it coming but it's not like any other time I've tripped before. I can sense the entities and it's like this trip has ended where the previous one left off. Why did I think that I would be safe doing this? Now I'm basically completely unprepared, having never contacted the entities on LSD before. I'm also scared of this portal sensation, this feeling of being connected to an open passageway to another dimension. So the evil entities are back and our conversation resumes almost where it left off when my previous DMT trip ended. The conversation I'm having with the entities is something like this:

Demon: "We're going to kill you when we find you."

Me: (after some nervous deliberation) "Ok, fuck you. Kill me then. I'm raving and behaving. What do I have to fear?"

Demon: "It's easy to give your life away. We'll track down the ones you love and kill them too unless you swear not to continue your assault against us. You must agree to a truce"
Me: "What proof would I have that this truce is being honored? How do I know this isn't a trick to get me to leave you alone?"

Demon: "Look at your girlfriend. You love her. If you two want to leave this rave with your lives, then agree to this truce. If you don't agree then we will not stop trying to kill you and those you love. Look around you. We are controlling everyone here. We love raves. Thousands of humans tripping at once is something we come from all over the universe to take advantage of." ( I had a vision of them trying to use us to create technology that will allow them to bring something even larger and more horrible to this planet. This kinda terrified me.)

At this point I looked deep inside my heart and realized that there was no way I could honor the proposed truce.

Me: "Fuck you elves. Come and get me." Looking around the rave I could see what the demon was saying. I could see the entities moving around, raving, entering/possessing people. It was scary. It seemed like, as usual, some of them were having harmless fun while others were up to more evil intentions. So I did the only thing you can you do when you are in the middle of an all night rave, tripping hard on LSD and defending yourself against negative entities that are trying to kill you; I danced. Dancing was the only and the best way to establish and maintain my humanity. It was at an affirmation of my life and of my being. It was my only form of resistance but it also dried my body out and probably contributed to the eventual overwhelming wave of 'the fear'.

4. We are the doors ~Midnight

This is probably the peak of the trip and just about when I started to totally lose it. I think Flux Pavillion was performing on the main stage and their sounds definitely amplified the sense of battle. The music sounded like bombs exploding, the fucking entities are everywhere and am slowly losing it. Sequentially, this stage is almost inseparable from stage 5 and they seemed to be happening simultaneously and in a loop. The entire trip I have been fighting mentally to remain focused once I realized this was not going to be a walk in the park. As a result I started back on my heels. I can feel these fucking aliens trying to rip my psyche apart and sever it from my body.

It's hell. I'm convinced I won't survive the night. I'm losing the battle. They are pulling my psyche into their dimension and it feels like they are punching me in the brain. The picture is the purest representation of what I experienced. My body became a wide open portal through which other entities were entering this world. And this is exactly what the elves/demon seemed to want. The snowball of fear and paranoia was turning into an avalanche in my mind and I went into 'primordial/universal survival mode'. Right now, the only thing that matters is protecting my girlfriend from the the elves/demons. I am trying to focus on a pure intention but I'm still playing catch up. It seems perpetually important that I maintain the purest of intentions, only allowing love to enter my thought process and in turn, only performing actions that are pure manifestations of universal love. It's very difficult at this rave. I fail when I buy a water and take a drink before giving it to my girlfriend. This is what is pulling me apart and the elves and their demon overlord seem to delight in this.

5. 2 places at once ~1-3am

Pried loose with anxiety and debased from any intention, my psyche goes tumbling into the portal that has become my body. I'm now existing in 2 places at once. My body has lost all grip on reality because my psyche is no longer inhabiting it and is instead floating through the 5th dimension while beings from another dimension are coming through the portal that is my body and birthing themselves into this world. The sensation of having malevolent entities from other dimensions travel through you and enter into this world is not something I would wish on anyone. It was terrifying. I was trying to stop them and they we're just laughing at me.

Now I'm going to break down what's going on both in my body and to my psyche:

Body: The functioning part of my brain launches into a classic paranoid breakdown. Fears completely overwhelm me. I'm convinced that my friend is a cop among other things. These delusions just multiply with astounding speed and for what seems like several hours I'm completely gone. I begin confessing my sins and fears. My body is completely consumed by "the fear" and I really do feel as though I've been possessed by something horrible, something larger and more evil than an elf. And it's doing everything that it can to mentally ruin me. As this is going on, the little rational thought that I have left is telling me to save my mental energy and not to fight at this point because it will just push me further into the fear. At one point, my girlfriend looks at me and says "Why do you keep doing this?" and this sends me spiraling through infinite time loops, deeper into the void.

I think she realizes I need more intensive care so she dons the psychic medic outfit and proceeds to rescue me. We have a technique that we have been practicing that I would highly recommend to anyone who goes on psychedelic voyages with their lover. Here is how it works: First love the other person deeply. Then we you are both tripping sit in full lotus position facing each other. Stare into each others eyes and don't move for about 5 minutes. It's one of the most magical experiences this world has to offer. So she did that for me and was able to establish the psychic bond that we have. When you are practiced in this technique you will begin to feel your souls merge and the two of you will dissolve into one ball of light.

.

Psyche: As my body and mind are being pried apart I can feel the love from my girlfriend enveloping me like a psychic umbrella. Her presence reminds me why I am here. It grounds me. Going through the portal, I am vaguely aware of what my body is doing and saying and that recognition frightens me. I know what going on and at this point I'm effectively severed from my body. My first impulse is to try and fight to get back to it to control it. This is what I usually do but this time I was somehow able to remember that I should just open my eyes and look around me instead of trying to wake up from this bad dream. Undoubtably my girlfriend's psychic shield was at work here.

So I'm transported completely through the portal and I am standing at the source. There in the middle of the rave, while i'm outwardly combusting, I'm also standing the middle of all knowledge, wisdom and history. My vision is 360 and seems to be able to see forward and backwards in time. I saw that we are all one intelligence. Our notion of individuality is just an artifact of multiple instances of this intelligence existing simultaneously. Our bodies are all portals, radio transmitters picking up this wavelength of intelligence. To put it another way, I could literally "see" how suffering is an inescapable part of human existence. Humans are like these tiny little lanterns that are trying to contain the energy of the sun and when that energy is prevented from fully actualizing (as it always is because lanterns can not contains suns), the difference is unfulfilled potential, which we feel as pain. There were no entities here and there was no here, it was just pure beauty, knowledge, wisdom. I remembered everything.

There is literally so much to see that the greatest struggle is deciding what to look at. I can't find the quote from Terrence that this reminds me of but I'm pretty sure he calls this place the Logos. I've never been this deep in my life. Not only am I there awake and with my eyes open, I am also aware that my body is standing in the middle of the rave and demons are passing through it. I'm watching my friends looking at me and its like I'm watching a movie that I can't interact with. All I want is for my psyche to tell my body to move my mouth to tell them that I'm in the logos. I know I'm there but I can't take the information back with me unless my friends send a psychic rope down or something and we can all commune down here. It's like I'm the farmer trying to cross the river with the geese and that fox.

When I hear my girlfriend say "Why do you keep doing this?", my psyche is transported back to the beginning of time, the origin of thought and I am directly experiencing the act of creation and I see that I, the original creator, am responsible for everything. Every negative entity in the world as well as all of the positive ones are all flowing from one single act of creation. The focus required to hold the entire universe still while it is born is so great that the slightest slip of focus is inevitable. And from that small slip flows out all the imperfections in the universe.

6. Exiting through my mind ~4am

As the intensity of the lsd begins to wane, the portal is still open and now my psyche is returning to my body, through the portal, that is my mind. On my way back however, I'm still fighting to kick these evil spirits out of this dimension and prevent new ones from entering. Besides being a little crushed and feeling like I'm responsible for all the problems in the world, I'm not dead until I am I'll keep preventing the negative entities from coming here. In this image,my psyche is depicted as the thin green line bisecting the portal. I'm trying to stand in the middle of the portal, between dimensions, sorting the spirits as best I can by bringing light into this world and rejecting the evil.





I'm willing to write off 75% of that as paranoid lsd delusion. The portal and the logos however were un fucking real. Nothing I've ever experienced on LSD before and that's saying a lot.







Does any body resonate?

If you dwell on bad thoughts like evil entities before taking a psychedelic, of course you are going to have a bad experience. Those thoughts only get enhanced and may even seem real.

I find the best defense to this sort of thing during a trip is to force out the bad with good. Simply picturing some of the most happiest moments in your life, or something happy in your life currently. This usually helps immensly in keeping trips positive and can turn a bad time into a good one. Instead of evil elves, you get backup from divine entities and friends for example.

Smiling block wrote:




Smiling block...

Welcome to the world of shamanism.

I refer to it as a corridor because a corridor goes both ways, but I suppose it's the same diff.

Also I believe LSD is technically a tryptamine but that's neither here or there. From my experience synthetic or semi synthetic psychedelics provide MUCH LESS protection than the natural ones, but you probably noticed this. Your trip report was very well written and has resonated like crazy with me... so I am now going to write my head off in response...

So.....this is 100% subjective opinion from me. Enjoy!

I 100% agree with your guru. You have reached the next level of awareness, Your now "growing up" to be a genuine traveler of the spirit world. Please do not disregard this very eye opening experience you had as LSD paranoia. Because you and I both know how real the sh*t can get. Telling yourself it's just a paranoid fantasy does no justice to the power of the experience.

So I went through a very similar thing once. I was taking lots of acid at parties and what not and I saw some really bad stuff go down, much like what you described. I learned the hard way that tripping with crowds of strangers is not where it's at.

So in my opinion based on my experience. The universe is now looking for you to "step up to the plate" and become the shaman. In all honesty based on what I have read....you are meant for a serious purpose involving the spirit world, not everyone has these types of experience and if you do have them you can bet your boots it's for a damn good reason. I believe the universe is looking for you to choose sides, it's a test, the evil is trying to intimidate you and the good wants to see if you will cave.

I cannot speak for you of course but I can speak from what I went through when I first began upon the path of knowledge..

First and foremost I struggled with wondering whether the experience was "real" and well they quickly proved to me that they are indeed real...

So once I accepted the entities as real...the stakes went up. Satan "tempted" me to join his side bu offering me special treatment. When I refused he swore he would be my Death. He also threatened to kill and emotionally destroy any one I cared for and to use them as pawns to get to me.

So one day when I was young this Angelic entity quoted me a verse from the bible, he said:
"When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things"

It took me a long time to put away my "childish things" still working on it is some ways..

Between you and me. My humble advice to you is this. The spirit world stuff is serious business. It takes life long dedication and constant vigilance. I know from your posts that you have the spirit of a warrior, this is why they want you to be a shaman, because your temperament is correct for the job.

The fact that evil is threatening you is a good thing believe it or not. It means they know something you don't know about yourself and they perceive you a direct threat. This also means that by default you have some real big power has you back. In layman's terms God is on your side and all you have to do is recognize that fact and then it will be comparatively smooth sailing.

I would anticipate evils next move would be to seduce you, to make "friends" with you or as Satan once said to me.."can't we just be cool??"

So I would really watch my back side, guard my behavior and pay close attention to your internal dialogue. Internal dialogue is where they control everyone. They will most likely try to turn your own thoughts against you.. So just be aware.

So that is my advice, sorry if my post is sort of rambling but I feel like you have made an important step towards further spiritual development and I wanted to give you all the advice I could think of...

Take care-

Elijah

We think along similar paths. This thought was present in my mind at the and it also scared me a little. I didn't mention it to anyone at the time and only briefly to my girlfriend later. I left it out of the report to appear humble and not to prejudice anyone's opinion of the report. It seemed clear that they wanted to deactivate me in order to prevent me from harming them. Only I don't know how to do that other than by not acknowledging them and yet I suspect that there is more leverage somewhere. I'm curious if we can affect change in the spirit world in other ways. Direct action if you will. It seems like hubris but who knows. Thank you very much for sharing your experience. It mirrors mine in details that amaze me. I remember saying to my girlfriend afterwards "I am a sharp knife".





100% agreement. This is how they work.

Ok so I was going to write this in a private message but that seems antithetical to the freedom of the internet.

Elijah,

I really can't thank you enough for your reply to my post. I'm sorry for the rude way that I responded to you initially after joining this forum. I may not have agreed with your interpretations but you certainly didn't deserve to have your ideas rudely mocked. I apologize. Since that time, I've come to see that we are on similar if not the same paths. Judaism had been force-fed to me as a child and I was releasing some of my pent-up childhood anger at you when we sparred over that subject. Foolish. Anyway, thanks for your reply despite that. It shows the strength of your character. Believe it or not, as all of this insanity was going down at starscape, I actually thought of you. I saw things during that trip made me quite aware that there is much validity to some of the ideas of yours that I had previously dismissed. Anyway dude thanks a million. I consider you an ally.

best,

sb

Resonates very well with me.
Allthough these gnarly entities can visually & mentally terrify
the living life out of you, it doesn't seem they can do much more
than just that. It seems to be all bluff & deception, because they
don't have any real power beyond that bluff, but what an art have
they made of Bluff, eh? How skilled are these beings at deception, right?
They are true masters of deception.

But once you become well aware of that & become familiar with all their
tricks, it's more like watching a REALLY good, REALLY insane horro movie.
It fails to really scare you anymore. Impress you it will. But knowing it
is just a most interresting bluff-show, it'll lose it's grip of fear on you.
And thus these entities lose their power over you.

This is VERY much what I have learned from my latest series of DMT trips.
Thanks for posting this, SmilingBlock. Congratulations with your Transformation!

these are largely preconceived notions with no actual relevance to the activity of LSD.



LSD is technically an ergoline, but the biosynthesis of its precursor initially occurs from tryptophan (to dimethylallyltryptophan), like the tryptamines. It has very high affinity (Km = low nM range)
for 5-HT2a receptors, the classic psychedelic receptor to which many tryptamines (and some phenethylamines) bind. structurally and pharmacologically, it has more in common with tryptamines than phenethylamines.