..there are already some wise responses here, so i'll just add a few brief comments..

a huge potential problem with the initial DMT account is set and setting..where you were, the people you were with, how well did you know them etc.. this can play a huge role in 'dark' experiences..this is why doing it with a very close, trusted and experienced friend, or in nature can really help..is it all 'your' darkness you experience, or also what's around you?

second, the best way to recover from any kind of trauma (psychedelic or otherwise) i think is (sorry for any cliches) to eat well, exercise regularly, explore meditation and spiritual ideas..much worse things happen to people than what you have described (like Iraq veterans) ..with a little self-love (and heart support - hope you got a trusted friend or 2) we can laugh at the darkness and strive to shine..
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OP - I'm sorry to hear about the traumatic trip, but you've chosen a good place to share it. There are very few who delve deeply into the psychedelic realm and don't get burned at least once. Most if not all of the people here can relate on some level, I'm sure.

I echo the sentiments of those encouraging you to seek out counseling. There is not a bit of shame in that, and it may prove to be very helpful. I also urge you to not self-medicate, whether it be of the non-prescribed pharmaceutical variety, or more psychedelics (as recommended by a reckless minority here). Medications prescribed by your doctor are another matter entirely. No one here is qualified to make that assessment for you.

I wish you the best. As has been said previously, time, sleep and taking care of yourself will only serve you well.

That was absolutely beautiful nen, I completely agree. Changing my diet and going for walks every day really helped me get through an intensely brutal split with my ex of several years. Some good tunes on my headphones and walking as quick as I felt comfortable. When I get home I felt great, especially knowing I'm doing something so positive for my body for a change. Life is absolutely beautiful, you just need to get out there to appreciate it.

It's the acid bro trust me. Acid brought out a schizophrenic world that ive never experienced. It was terrible. I contemplated suicide a couple times. I had a psychosis that lasted almost 42hrs, of brutal paranoia. It was ugly. I just wanted to end it all but I knew it wouldn't matter if I did, thats what stopped me. The acid also showed me what karma is when I contemplated suicide. If you check my post history regrading my difficult experience with LSD you will see. I had to deal with my problem through a flood dose of IBOGA(for me it was the only way) I do not recommend this method. Im sending you lots of love. You will get through it. It will make you stronger, just dont give it power over you. This feeling will weigh on you for a very long time but youll get over it. In the meanwhile stop taking all drugs, only thing I myself would use is IBOGA.

I just got home from spending some quality time with close friends. Now that I gotten the chance to let everything out and talked it through, I feel tons better. Being at home alone has been hard since there's no one for me to talk to here. I don't have a really good relationship with my parents due to a communication barrier (I'm the first generation here in American). I've had counseling in that past. It was a wishy washy experience. I was put on all sorts of anti-depressants which I didn't enjoy being on.

For those who are concern with me having suicidal thoughts, I appreciate your concerns but I don't worry. I'm not. I really think it's just the lack of sleep that's making super neurotic.

The thing that I found really helpful is listening to good music. Sufjan Stevens has been very comfortable. If you guys have any suggestion I'd love to hear them.

After reading everyone's replies I'm really starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I'm starting to believe more and more that my bad trip as a gift. This experience can possibility be the mile stone that marks the greatest opportunity to learn and grow.

Thank you, everyone for your input. This truly helped a lot. I feel less helpless now that I know I'm not alone. You guys have given me hope.

From here on I will make an effort to be more active outside and enjoy life. Exercise is something I will start to actively pursuing.

I can tell everyone here at the Nexus is genuinely caring. This really gives me the sense that the world isn't out to get me and there are still people who are kind and loving. The responses from everyone have truly touched me (almost tearing up to write this).

I can't even express how much love I'm feeling from this community. It comes from the bottom of my heart to say, everyone here is truly amazing. I can't believe how much everyone is trying to help me. Thank you.

Thank you.

Very glad to hear you're feeling better!

Also ,for whatever it's worth, I think it would be helpful if you stay away from cannabis for a bit. For many people it is relaxing and helps with sleep etc, but if you're anything like me (and it sounds like you are), it can have the opposite effect and actually increases anxiety, paranoia etc. and makes it harder to sleep. I didn't realize it for a long time, but my problem might not have escalated so much if I hadn't been such a heavy pot smoker, and giving it up has probably had as much of a positive effect on my state of mind as my "psychedelic therapy." So based on my own experience I think you'll probably have an easier time getting through this and back to something more like 'normal' if you can avoid pot for awhile.

Take care of yourself, hope you'll stick around and be a part of the community here!

+1 on that

CalvinCarl,

Welcome to life as a 23 year old.

This is great news that you are feeling a modicum of relief. Understand that it may not be over yet, you may not be done with this work, but you have taken a big step in the right direction. Opening up and talking about it, writing it down, thinking it out, even reliving it a bit appears to be moving you forwards.

I'm so glad you signed up for membership and want to echo the others in saying I hope you will become an active member of this community.

Also, I wouldn't mind seeing an update in one to six months . . . if you are inclined to share with us.

Peace & Love

It's excellent to hear that it helps you to talk things through. It's also excellent that you see your bad trip as an opportunity to learn and grow. Both these things are clear signs of good psychological health--and even good spiritual health.

I would recommend that you start meditating. Connecting with your breath can bring alot of relaxion and it turns off the ego chatter. Whatever your ego is telling you, you don't have to act on it. Don't hold onto negative thoughts, they sure are coming from you, but in the end you decide what you are and what not. Whenever you feel depressed and anxious, accept it as an message from your inner core/subconscious, but do not hold onto it, do not identify yourself with it, let those thoughts go. Realize whats going on, accept it, explore it, and let it go.
Your mind is endless and infinite, whenever you identify yourself with this and that, you make yourself smaller, because YOU ARE NOT THAT.
There are no bad trips, only difficult ones. A crisis is not a bad thing, its an chance to evolve and transform.
Accept that you'll never be the same again, and you have the opportunity to become something better.
Like Bill Hicks said; life is an ride in an amusement park, it got thrills and shills and it goes up and down.
You are now at the bottom of the rollercoaster, it might be unconfortable, but be positive that it goes up again.

Do not flee from your suffering, it has a meaning, it might be a very important lesson. You are still young, it may have some incredible benefits to work through this kind of lifecrisis at your age. Maybe you will have it easier when you get older (since you already learned the lesson).

Listen to some spiritual music, like shaman drumming, Mantras, Throat singer, Bhuddist Chanting, Sufi songs etc...
This song for example gives me extreme positive vibes:
http://www.youtube.com/w...=Z28Hx8yx2W0&feature


And lastly, if you feel more stable and comfortable than you feel now, maybe you should check out if you could find a good Ayahuasca Curandero who can threat your anxiety and trauma.

And i am 100% sure that you are not in a coma, because that would mean i am just your hallucination, which i refuse to even consider.


Some day you will look back on all this and laugh.

This might sound unbelievable but, since I've been on this site (though it's only been 2 days), I feel infinitely better! I know I'm not 100% there yet but it surprises even me how far I've came along. The past 2 days have just gotten better and better. I had a wonderful day today with a lot of positive thoughts (mostly due to what I've read from here).

As for becoming an active member, I definitely will be from now on (I can't promise to update every day or even every week since I'm a student, but I will check in every once in a while) I can tell just from this thread alone that this community is full of profound knowledge. I have a long ways to go and I'm happy to embrace whatever comes my way.


Ryusaki, I'd love to dive in deeper about the whole not listening to your ego and calming the chatter. This is something I've thought of before but had no idea someone else thinks about it too. I was once really interested in meditation for the exact reason of calming my ego chatter (wow weird coincidence). Thinking back from how I was just a few years ago, I can definitely tell I was letting my ego chatter dampen my character. I thought I was actually better than everyone around me and that I always knew what was best for me and everyone (like I knew everything and there was nothing more for me to learn). I know now that I was just ignorant. Oh how foolish I was.



Also, I've decided that I will go sober after this weekend ( since I have noticed how my anxiety goes up when I smoke and/or drink ). I'm thinking of doing a full body detox. For the detox I'll start exercising as much as possible, eat more fruits, sleep better, meditate, focus on school work, start completing my long to-do list and pretty much anything productive.

CalvinCarl

Nexus is a healer...I feel 'changed' since I've been here (through knowledge)
Read like you've never read before...
Soo glad you're on the mend..

As for meditation...no-one, IMO, has put it better than Beelzebozo
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=37630

Welcome here and stick around...



btw: I gave up weed/hash 20 years ago due to depression/anxiety/psychosis that it induced....never looked back...quitting saved me..

Huge love and massive hugs going out to you right now, you seemed to have a seriously nasty time...

But I keep reading the same horror story, you've taken too much and you've taken it without respect or even the knowledge of what you are taking.

DMT and all psychedelics should be treated with respect and from what I've just read, you had 0 respect, it's something I keep saying to people because they give the same stories, 6 tabs, some K and then DMT? With the greatest of respects, that's insane and it's just insanely disrespectful for what you're actually taking.

Stop, take a serious break, slow down and let your mind recover, stay in the normal world for a while, set and setting is one thing but a complete lack of respect for the things you're putting into your body is something entirely different, it's the same horror story.

I really do hope you recover, nobody deserves bad trips or stories like this, please. I EMPLORE YOU, to slow down and back track to what you're actually taking..

Much love,